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Teaching Good
Manners
Good manners are a very important key
to your child's social success, but no child is born with good manners. Teaching
them is a parents responsibility.
Beyond teaching "please" and "thank you" many parents aren't sure how to
teach their child good manners. Teaching a child what behavior is expected
is a daily process, and you'll have many opportunities each day to nudge
your child in the right direction. Keep these points in mind:
Teach, don't reprimand.
It's easy to assume that your child is purposely using bad manners, when
in fact, he just needs a lesson or two. Be specific when you teach your child,
and remember that many follow-up lessons will be necessary. So instead of
saying, "Don't be so rude!" you can respond this way, "It's impolite to belch
at the table, but if you do, it's proper to say 'excuse me'."
Rephrase.
When your child states her feelings in a less-than-polite way, you can rephrase
what she's already said in the way you find acceptable. So if she says, "Yuck!
I hate this green stuff!" You can politely correct her by saying, "What I'd
like to hear you say is, 'I don't care for spinach'."
Tell what you DO want.
When your child is displaying bad manners avoid nagging about the problem,
"Don't yell in the house!" Instead, teach what you DO want, "Please use a
quiet voice." This method will keep you more calm and in control, and will
give your child an instruction to follow.
Accept mistakes.
When kids are young they will spill and drop. It takes time to acquire the
motor skills necessary to be neat and tidy. Children will make social blunders.
It takes maturity to learn how to act in social situations. Accept
age-appropriate mistakes for what they are: simple childishness.
Correct privately.
As annoying as your child's lack of manners may be, resist the urge to reprimand
him in front of other people. Making a scene as you attempt to teach your
child proper manners, is, well, bad manners!
Prepare in advance.
Whether you are planning a visit to a friend's home, a night out at the movies
or dinner at a restaurant, take time before you go to coach your child on
the behavior you expect. Review the "rules" of good manners and you'll more
likely experience a pleasant time.
Expect good manners.
When you know your child has learned the proper way to behave it's important
to expect those good manners. For example, if you've reminded your six-year-old
to say 'please' and 'thank-you' since he was two, you should expect him to
apply what he's learned. Be consistent. Require good manners every day. Remind
gently. And over time you'll find your children turning into proper ladies
and gentlemen.
About the Author
Elizabeth Pantley is author
of
Perfect
Parenting &
Kid
Cooperation, and president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular
speaker on family issues. Elizabeth’s newsletter, Parent Tips is seen in
schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest and has been
quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby,
Twins, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. You can visit her website
at
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/
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