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Stop That Tattling!
by Elizabeth Pantley
Situation
I have one child who tattles with a vengeance. The infractions run from minor
issues to major crimes, and often cover incredibly ridiculous things, such
as, "She breathed on me ON PURPOSE!"
Think about it
Children tattle for various reasons. Some get hooked on the idea of saving
the world from moral and physical wrongs, some have figured out that a parent's
punishment is an effective way of dealing with an offender, and some hope
to be labeled the good guy when others appear to be bad. It's helpful if
you take a few moments to determine your little tattler's motivation.
Solution #1
Acknowledge the tattler with a brief statement, "I'm glad you know the rule."
(This will satisfy your child's need for attention and approval, without
rewarding the tattling.) Then walk away. If the situation is one that you
need to address, casually walk into the room where the offense is occurring
and deal with the situation on a first-person basis. If you do decide to
discipline the child committing the offense, make sure the tattler isn't
witness to your action. Allowing her to watch will only encourage her to
continue tattling.
Solution #2
It's better to tattle than to hit. If the tattler is frustrated or angry
and showing restraint by asking for your help, it's okay to get involved.
Try to stay neutral in your emotions, instead of labeling a winner and a
loser. Calmly state the rules and request compliance.
Solution #3
If the problem involves a dispute between two children, disengage yourself
by summarizing the situation, making a subtle suggestion, and encouraging
them to work it out. "I see the two of you are having trouble sharing the
paints. Since there are six colors and two children, I know you guys can
handle this."
Solution #4
If the child has a habit of tattling, take special notice of any time
the child solves the problem without tattling and give lots of praise. This
reinforcement will demonstrate that your child can get special attention
without tattling.
Solution #5
Use humor to diffuse the situation. Respond to the tattler in an animated,
exaggerated way, "Oh no!! Are you serious? She did that? Wooaaah dude! Off
with her head!" Typically, this response makes the offense seem rather petty
and the tattler feels kind of silly for coming to you.
Solution #6
Teach the child the different between tattling and telling you something
that you really need to know about. As an example, if he tells you that his
brother is jumping on the bed, that's tattling. If he tells that his brother
is setting the bed on fire, that's telling you something that you need to
know!
Excerpted with permission by NTC/Contemporary
Publishing Group Inc. from Perfect Parenting, The Dictionary of 1,000 Parenting
Tips by Elizabeth Pantley, copyright 1999
See more articles from Elizabeth Pantley on FamilyCorner.com
Recommended reading
Kid Cooperation: How to Stop Yelling, Nagging and Pleading
and Get Kids to Cooperate
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About the Author
Elizabeth Pantley is author
of
Perfect
Parenting &
Kid
Cooperation, and president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular
speaker on family issues. Elizabeth’s newsletter, Parent Tips is seen in
schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest and has been
quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby,
Twins, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. You can visit her website
at
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/
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