Preparing For The Death Of Your Spouse?

[Sueanne]

With so many taking care of terminal spouses was asked many times." How can they cope"? What should they do now, before they pass away to get things organized financially & legally? Should they move or stay in the same home. Get rid of everything and move to another state or just stay where they are? Everyone has a different viewpoint since every situation is different.

It is hard when You have no one to turn to for answers. Hopefully we can learn with the help of
others before our turn comes.

Today another man in our neighborhood passed away. Some wives can handle being alone and taking care of all the paper work, yard work, cooking & cleaning if they are not sick themselves.
Others have family close by to help them too.

Never worried before but want to be prepared. Started getting rid of all clutter to keep things organized and copied of important papers so don't have to look where everything is when under stress. So far my DH is healthy but things change when you least expect it.

I know most of You are younger than I but there are quite a few my own age that are going through difficult times now like DonnaMaria.
I hope I get enough input to help answer these questions for all concerned.

Hoping others that read this, that are not a member of FC will add their input too.
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Sueanne

[LaurieS]

Well, I don't know much either.

We are younger but like you said things can change in an instant.

Currently we are trying to work on turning our assets into a trust. Mostly that has to do with the fact that when DH's parents passed there was an estate and it was divided up 4 ways. Ended up being quite a bit and we have it at Edwards Jones Financial services.

The trust is sort of like a living will and protects our wishes etc.

[Sueanne]

LoriMae....That was a very smart move having a trust. Years ago when I got mine it was not very popular but now must seniors have one. That way you don't have to go through probate and tie up your assets.

Thanks for replying good advice.
Sueanne
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[bar_bar]

before one passes find out what they want in funneral arrangments,
plan the funeral together, this will give you peace of mind that you did what you know they would want, As this is the last thing you will carry out for them,

If they do the budget and paying the bills, learn where things are, and how they do things, don't wait till it over to pick it up, it to difficult to do,

don't wait till they are gone to tell them how much you love them, I've talked and been on widow sites and groups since John's death, and this is one that remains with one if you do not tell them how much you love them. Of course John and told each other this all the time, and I do not have any requets on not telling him. I know he knew and I knew how much he loved me. This has carring me thru alot of lonely days and nights

if you want a family picture, make sure you get one on a reg basis, or you may requet this later. I wanted one, but the kids never worked together for it to happen, now they requet it, but I don't for I tried to get it done, of course I would love to have had it.

may suggestion is you never know when it could be the last day, so live with your mate as if today is the last day, and that way don't Put off for tomorrow in getting things prepared as you never know when it could be the last day.

Find out how they feel if you did start dating, or got remarried, for it will bring peace to you later if you did. John and I talked about this alot, and it has been a help to me to carry on with life without him.

may have more as I think about it.

[Pippe]

Having lost my DH almost two years ago, I have had to deal with many things, both expected and unexpected as we are in this situation. Of all the the things I did do, these made a difference: we had a chance to travel that last summer and we did it (not putting off opportunities), we told each other we loved each other everyday, I went/still go to hospice grief support and journaling.

Since then I have lost relatives and face my mother's illness and some serious personal illness. Through it all I have done much soul seaching and know that without a lot of love and prayers, my journey would have been so much more difficult.

God bless those who care for their sick loved ones and a special hug to those who have lost theirs - there are many who care about you.

[RobertaD]

I think it is very important no matter your age to be able to do the things the other spouse has taken on as "their" responsibility whether it be cooking, cleaning, yard work, maintence, bill paying, etc. Each partner needs to know enough to get the basics done in times of illness, divorce or death to keep the house going.

It would be helpful if the person responsible for home maintence, etc. made a list of what needs to be done and when if weekly, monthly (change furnance/AC filter), quarterly (change oil in car) or annually (have furnance serviced). Make a family cookbook with your families favorite meals so the knowledge isn't lost when you are no longer able to make them.

I've started a list of our assets and where they are located not for my spouse but for the executor of our estate & guardian of our kids to make that adjustment easier for them.

We have recently found out that if you need to file for disability you need employment records going back 15 yrs with starting/ending dates, pay, hours worked, etc. so now I'm keeping that up to date just in case.

Roberta

[Pag36]

all the advice others have given is very good. Once we learned my dear hubby had inoperable cancer 2 kinds , we did what ever came to mind. Leaving our home to drive to Richmond for breakfast could have eaten at home or any local place but he wanted to go to Richmond so we did. Lots of silly "out of the blue"
things. He told me what he wanted done with his tools and other things. The tools went to our sons, EX son in law and present son in law as well as oldest g-son. Lots of things thank heaven I did not have to deal with while stressed out.
God bless all reading this

[Haleys grandmom]

agree with everyone else. Make sure they have a living will, someone has durable power of attorney, know what type of insurance they have, if they need nursing home care , where they want to go if they cant go back home. What type of funeral do they want.do they want burial or cremation. this is what I have been going thru just recently with my mother. Do they want Hospise to come in so they can stay at home to the end. But, on that one make sure you can deal with your loved one passing in your home. whom do they want you to notify when they are gone. There is so much to the planning that you do forget so you need someone there for you as a back up to help keep you sane. it's hard and at the time your feelings just kind of go numb and it's so hard to think straight.

[Pag36]

You are so right. I have already told anyone and everyone they better not cremate me. I have 3 plots already paid for Otto is in one and the other two are for Judy and I, me next to Otto and her on the other side of me.No attaching me to machines. IF my heart/lungs/kidneys or whatever does not work on its own NO machines. Just routine measures. That is the way Otto wanted it as well as my parents. I have a list made out as to who to call and have told Adam, Chelsea (Adam's cousin next door) and Bianca where the list is. As rough as I know it will be for either of those 3 it would be rougher for my children to make the calls. I imagine Adam would also send a message via email to some. All know what my insurance is and I have a list of my Dr's in case I am not able to talk at a given time. I have even picked out my pall bearers to save anyone else the job. My funeral is to be gravesite for several reasons. I will be at same funeral home Otto and lots of our friends were at.

[Pag36]

I went to funeral home before Otto died and told them all they needed to know even the obit so I would not have to try to remember everything when I was so hurting. I will write my own obit out and anyone that goes before me ( ) they can delete that part. I want to save my children as much hassle as possible.