Wrong choices, anyone?

[fatima bento]

Hi! Is anyone out there who feels as I do, that somewhere along the way you lost your path, turned left when you should have turned right ( or vice-versa) ?

I open my eyes and find myself living a life that is totally strange to me, when I think of it as I thought it would be...

(Now, dont take me wrong, I do like the life I have ... sort of... I love the kids I have, my husband, my cats and wouldnt change it for the world, and I'm a sahm by choice ; ok, it was kind of a driven choice, I had not many options, and the main one was not good at all ...

Well, if there is anyone there who feels the same way I do, please, drop a post

Catch ya later,

Fatima

[nagymom]

I've long ago quit trying to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up. LOL Since then I am SO happy! I feel that God put me where He intended me to be which is a SAH Nana to my grandkids. My 2 oldest daughters are mom's and divorced so they can't afford not to work. Babysitting is outrageous so I sit for them. I love my grandkids and want them to always be with someone who cares.

So I may not be contributing much to society YET but when my grands are grown they will have a great set of values. I am proud and happy to be where I am today with a husband I adore, 3 beautiful daughters and a chance to help them with their kids now.

[jb829]

There's so much I'd like to change, Fatima, and don't know where, how, or even when to begin. A lot of the changes I'd want just can't be done now, because of events in the past, and what's done, well, it's done, isn't it?

The first thing I'd change is to bring my son back to life, and of course, that can't be done. He died not quite five years ago, at the age of 24, from a brain aneurysm that exploded...if any of you are having headaches that are unbearable, or your loved ones are, please, please, go get an MRI or a catscan.

What else would I change? I'd go back about 30 years and get a college education...I wouldn't be an almost-55YO waitress with arthritis and two degenerative discs. I might still have the physical problems, but at least I wouldn't be on my feet and trying to deal with the public while in so much pain...it's so hard to smile, to even be polite, when I hurt as much as I do.

I would love to have a bigger house, with a piano, and a room just for my crafting supplies with a wonderful worktable in it.

The one thing I can change, and admittedly probably won't, is that I'd be in a church situation, but even tho I CAN do something about that, like I said, I probably won't...and that's a shame, but on Sunday mornings, all I want to do is stay home and relax with Dearly Beloved.

Let's go back about 40 years now...I'd do more with my musical ability...practice, practice, practice...and possibly could be a concert pianist.

But! Now all I can do is change my attitude, lol, and be contented and grateful for what I DO have, and not whine about what I DON'T have, and that is something I can do, and I really do work at, every single day. I have a home, food in the cupboards, Dearly Beloved, five grandchildren, one living son, friends, a job, and altho I hurt a lot, I'm really in pretty good health.

[Renee]

I guess I never had a "perfect idea" of what my life would be. I am always growing and changing and so are my dreams. I feel that I am always working towards a dream or two. I am like the 5 year old who wants to be a doctor, firefighter and a clown. If I don't like something, I try and make changes without letting it get to be to big. Also do work to accept what I can't change. One good thing I did was make changes with who I dated and did not marry anyone until I found someone with similar dreams and goals. He is my best friend.

I don't see anything wrong with making changes. DH has decided he doesn't like accounting and is going back to school to teach. I am so proud of him that he is brave enough to make this change.

I do want to note that accepting something like not being able to afford a bigger house right now, is ENTIRELY DIFFERENT than the loss of a child. Grief is a life long experience, and I don't mean to make light of that. I am sorry for your loss of your son.

[fatima bento]

Its so good to hear that most of you loves the life you have ! I do love mine, and I have no regrets, and basically what I refered to when I started the thread was to career choices. In that departement, I dont know where I got the wrong turn, but I sure did one ! I guess there is always one thing I would have done differently if I was 17 again: I wouldnt took the fashion design couse I had. Sure, now I am a stylist, and am trained to work in any creative design field, but I spent 3 years studying - had to gave up learning german after a first sucessfull semester, for instance,and I it , cos I had no time to spare - and I never REALLY used the skills I got. Sure I owned a clothes boutique, but it was controlled by my mother, and she is a little disturbed, so she kept using it as punishment, as tomorrow you are going to close the store for good, every other day, and sometimes wouldnt even let me go out to open it in the morning - I was 20 then - so it was doomed not to suceed

I did got a nice culture bath during those 3 years, went to a lot of classical concerts, went to see a lot of cinema ( european too, ughhh!! ), used to go to the most IN places in the night life - you wont believe, but I had to! Not a big sacrifice either ... - and met sooo different persons, learned tollerance, to the different life choices... but I still dont think it was worth it. Well there is ONE thing I would change: my mother. I'd rather have ANYONE else, couldnt be worse...

ok, I'm gone...

big kiss,

Fatima

[nagymom]

Fatima I am so very sorry to hear you had such a hard life with your mother! However I also find it refreshing that you are so honest aobut your feelings. I don't get along well with my own mother (lots of reasons from her narcissism (SP?) to her tendency to interfere in her kids lives and on.) but I feel guilty if I ever say this outloud. I don't know why since anyone who knows me well knows that I don't like my mother. I love her but I do NOT like her.

Maybe we should start a list for those of us with bad parental relationships.

Have a great day Fatima and all!

Jayne

[fatima bento]

well Jayne, I do admit all those "nasty" feelings cos I guess its a way of catarse. I dont even know if I love her, I guess I dont. She was TOO nasty to me all my life - even through the time we havent been speaking to each other, almost 6 years now ( and it as been quite a relieve!), she always find some maquiavelic ways to interfear in my life. She tryed to turned my daughter against me - all she could do was put the kid almost crazy - and through some bad patches in life, the ones everybody has, she has been in the shadow wishing me bad - and I know those things through my dad, it is not my imagination.
As I usually put it, snow white's stepmother was an angel if you compare it to my mother!

It took me quite a while to get over her nasty influence and to solve the tantrums she caused me. Now I can say what I feel without feeling guilty about it. I guess if I wasnt able to, I'd be crazy by now ...

Have a nice day you all!

Fatima

[bgwelz]

I would certainly further my education! When I was in high school girls were not encouraged to do certain occupations. I wanted to be a vet & my guidance counsoler discouraged me. Not to mention my mother couldn't afford it.
That is why I told my girls they could do anything they tried hard enough to do! And my neice became a vet because of me so I am proud of that.
But women need to concentrate MORE on themselves and raise independent children. Don't always put yourself last, that doesn't show your daughters a good role model!

[mom208]

My goodness, I feel as though I've made more left turns in my than "right" ones and I think somewhere in middle-age they become more apparent than maybe at other times.

Seems like more of the people I talk to are dissatisfied with where they are in life or what they're doing, myself included. But I think as long as we're still breathing we've still got time to grab some piece of our dreams back, if not all of them.

Fatima, I appreciate your candor concerning your mother. I haven't had a good relationship with my mother for a couple of years now for some of the same reasons you mention and I carry a tremendous guilt about it. I guess mothers are human too.

Anyway, God Bless ...

[yesdear]

I planned on going to college, only to find myself marrying at 18, dropping out of college at 20, having kids at 20 and 22, and as broke as can be.

I have to work full-time, but I am attempting one night class this semester.

Tami