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Empty Nesters Are all of your kids gone? Need to talk to those in your situation? Stop by here!

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 11-19-2002, 07:13 AM
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Hi! Everyone!

I am 61 yrs. of age and my only child which is a girl is 29 years of age. Our Birthdays come in Dec. 31 and 11.

My daughter has 2 children.. ages 9(boy) and girl 3 (girl) and she will be 4 on Jan. 3. All of them moved from my home on Dec. 1,2001. This is the first time that my daughter had left the nest.. I always say,with endearment...she has 'fallen' out of the nest! lol!

Her kids dad moved into the Apartment with my daughter and kids..but they were not married.. and had not lived together before..they were a couple for 11 yrs.

About 6 months after they left my home..the kids dad was shot and killed in a robbery. He was the victim.. he was killed the day after my grandsons' 9th birthday..

So.. there has been a lot of grief here..but I did not have a lot of emotional attachment to the deceased.. I felt more for my daughter and the kids welfare. He was ok..but he just liked to roam the streets and be with his friends more than to be at home.. when he was home or saw the kids he was good to them.. I give him that much credit..anyway..

My daughter got the kids on Social Security and now with the Insurance monies..she has purchased a new home for them.. They are to move in around Christmas time..this year of 2002.

My daughter also became a christian and accepted the Lord Jesus as her personal savior. I am so proud of her accomplishments during this stressful time.. she is a fighter and she has done really well.. I commend her for her strength and courage..

As far as how I feel about her moving out of my house.. I had many years to live by myself before I brought her into this world. I liked 2 weeks being 32 yrs. old..so I knew what it would be like.. Yes.. I miss them in some respects..but I still see them.. right now they live about 3 miles from me and will live about 5 miles in a different direction when they move into their new house.

I am fairly content living alone..she comes and helps me when I need her.. I have a little neighbor about her age that checks in on me from time to time.. we also go shopping together and I take her to Court Reporting School ..in the evening if her hubby has to work late..etc. I drive their car.. I don't have one.. I dont' mind it..because it gets me out of the house. It benefits both of us.

I also go walking with another friend I have known for about 26 yrs. so I do get out and about. I am fine.. I have lot of medical problems..but I still go and will until I am no longer capable..

So...take heart out there...it is a state of mind that allows you to get past the ' echos in the house' when you are an 'empty nester'.. Just keep your mind busy and get out and around if possible and you will be fine... Don't feel too bad.. a lot of kids return to the nest when the going get tough! Some don't but most of the time they do.. I know I did on several occassions.. I was a single-parent..thank God for my mom and step-dad for those times. my real dad passed in 1955 at age 44 from a heart attack.The Government has helped me in ways also.. I thank all who was there for me.

In 1986, my car was hit by a train...then in 1993 I had a triple bypass heart surgery..plus 3 angioplasties since then..with the settlement from my train accident I purchased my house,paid cash..so with my Disability money I pay my bills..so I am blessed!

Sorry to ramble on..but just wanted to let everyone know..you will be fine with the Lords help and your own courage.

I am pulling for you!


~GBU~

boppy


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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 11-19-2002, 08:52 AM
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This thread has generated many touching replies. If nothing else, it reinforces to us, that we are not alone. Many have, or are, going through the same feelings, the same hurts - and many more will. Several of the replies have testified "with God's help".

I read a short article once that reminded me of something and I want to pass it on. We have our friends and our family, who love us dearly and we know that we can always turn to them. However, after deciding that we need to talk to them, we have to either to call them, go see them, or nowdays, email them. But, possibly they are not at home, or the line is busy, or something keeps us from being able to "connect" with them.

God is ALWAYS there, ready and waiting to listen and provide comfort and strength. There is no waiting for the phone to be picked up, no distance to travel - simply the thought - and He is there. Because He has been there all along. He understands our every thought, our every need, our every hurt.

And I have found that somehow God can turn things so that good comes out of something hurtful or terrible.

My Dad died after an accident in surgery - hooked him up to an empty oxygen tank and destroyed his brain - he was 46, my twin sisters were 2. (I was 20) While terrible for my family - the good : Years later we learned from the daughter of their best friends - while she was attending nursing school in the same hospital - that the case was written up in the nursing book and they had immediatley installed a main tank, where all oxygen was piped to each operating room instead of individual tanks. This accident could not happen to anyone else! This was 42 years ago - and was one of the first to do so.

Almost 4 years ago my son - newly married with a baby on the way - drove a semi. He was blinded by the sun, clipped a car and the gentleman inside, not wearing a seat belt, was ejected and killed. My son was devistated - as we all were. Even though it was an accident, and he had no accidents or tickets - several safe driving awards, and against the recommendation of the highway patrolman working the accident, he was brought up on reckless homicide charges. After a year and a half, he pled guilty to vehiclular manslaughter and, with the help of comments from the gentleman's wife, received probation, which he is currently serving. She was wonderful and told the judge and our son that is was a tragic accident - for both families - but he needed to get on with his life and go home and take good care of his family. I do not know what good came to her, but I know God provided some. For us, our son is puttng himself through college - and will never drive a truck again. He did not like it - was only doing it for the money to pay off bills from a divorce. He will never forget that day, but his life is changing for the better

I know this has deviated from the "empty nester" feelings and hurts, but I just felt led to share these in testamonial to how God can work things out for the good. He does and will take care of us and our children - if we let Him. I know from our youngest daughter how hard it is for a single Mom - money, time, the burden of having to do everything - work, raise the kids, take care of the house, solve problems, all of it. But, He will take care of things - all we have to do is have faith and put forth the effort to follow His leadings.

We do miss them when they leave - terribly, and it leaves such an empty void. But, I think these feelings and hurts also are because we worry about them - if they will be OK, if they can manage. We are so used to doing our job of taking care of them and providing for their safety and well-being. It is so scary - to know they are not under our immediate care anymore. And, this, we have to turn over to God. Then, we have to find something to fill that void.

God bless all of you and your loved ones!
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Last edited by ladydove; 11-19-2002 at 08:54 AM.
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Old 11-19-2002, 06:00 PM
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It is so good to know that there are so many wonderful people that share the same feelings about their love ones . I honestly believe that without our faith and trust in God, or whoever some may believe in, that life would be unbearable. The pain we suffer when our children leave, is as you say, the feeling we have when we know longer take care of them and know they are on their own. If we could, I think most of us would keep them under our safe loving arms forever, but that is not what God planned. They are only ours for a short time. We hold their hands for a short time and they hearts forever (read that in a poem).
I wish we could all give each other a big hug, and this web-site is the next best thing. Bless all of you, and thank you for all the good feelings and ideas.
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Old 12-30-2002, 05:11 PM
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I'm so glad that things have reached the stage of accepting the fact, your daughter has grown up, and wishes to have her own life.

As hard as it is, every caring parent goes thru these withdrawal symptoms....kinda like when a person tries to quit smoking.

I have three children that are now adults and do live their own lives. Each time that one left the nest, I went through what you did. It was my one son that was the first to leave. Actually his leaving began when he was in first grade. I was divorced then, after seven years of marriage, and with no aid from child support, I went to work. At the first grade level, he was in a military school and gone from us sunday nights til friday after school. He lived there. You would think that I would have adjusted then.......not! He attended this school til 6th grade and then came home and attended public school. Just before he was to graduate from high school, little did I know, he had gone down to the Army recruting station and signed up for the delay program. Well, I did see him graduate, but no more than a day went by, and the Army was there to pick him up for boot camp. I never really got to "know" my son. After he was gone, I went through his bedroom, then went into the basement. Everything I saw that belonged to him......the tears flowed. I went around red-eyed and puffy eye lids for a looooong time. I believe it's the parents that have it so much harder than the young adult. They have other things on their minds. Like beginning to lead their own life the way they want it. When my two girls had their turns at leaving the nest, I went through the same feelings. It's like a part of you is missing. After careful thought, you begin to think that you did all you could to bring these children into adulthood, and now is the test of what they learned from you. Today, I live alone, and it has it's good things, but one always yearns for at least one real closeness with the empty nest adult. I'm 57 now. Have seven grandchildren and have learned that all you can do now, is wish them well in their endeavors. Time moves on, and so do we. Enjoy what you have now, because it could be gone in a minute.


autumnmum 2002 ~ Carol Ann
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