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Old 05-01-2010, 03:10 PM
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dealing with a parent who is verbally abusing my child

Hello,

I'm new to the website and looking for help, advice and support.

My 9 yr old child has been verbally abused by a parent in school.
This parent has a history of this and has been verbally abusing my child
for the past 4 years since Kindergarten.

Every year it's the same thing. She waits for the opportunity to secretly
verbally abuse my child making sure no parents or teachers are around.

We tried to deal with it at the teacher level and this has not worked so
we have since gone to the VP a couple of months ago and she spoke to her and banned her from going past the boot room into the school halls
even though this is where all the abuse took place and there is no cameras in that area of the school.

Her teacher does not want to be bothered with the whole thing from the feeling I get from her although she would never say anything. This person
also gets her daughter involved in the bullying with her. She has no problem doing this in front of my daughters friends/classmates.

After her meeting with the VP pretending she didn't have a clue as to what she was talking about and felt that it was within her right to discipline any child who she felt. Her response to the VP was if they were doing something wrong it was her job to take action. We were promised it would never ever happen again. Well it has! on a fieldtrip with her class on Friday.. The 15 mins her teacher was not around she proceded to verbally abuse my child again and of course got her daughter involved.

My child does everthing in her power to avoid this woman and is terrified of her. My child did not bring it on herself and has nothing to gain by lying.
My child is a smart, happy go lucky kid and has never had any issues with anyone.

I have sent emails called etc.. to the principle VP and teacher. I think she should be removed from the school but I'm not sure if they have the power to do that...This is a Catholic school and apparently there is 0 tolerance for bullying. Or does this only apply to children not parents.

We live in Alberta, Canada.
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Old 05-01-2010, 03:13 PM
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Old 05-01-2010, 07:12 PM
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Welcome to our forum

You might get more help with this issue in our parenting section. Here is the main page of our forums, scroll down towards the bottom to the Parenting Section.

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Sorry I can't be of help as I don't have children but perhaps another member who has been in this situation or knows of someone else may be able to give you guidance.

Anna
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Old 05-01-2010, 08:34 PM
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I would have to say if I were in your position, I would run - not walk- directly to the principal to make him/her aware of the situation. I would also make it VERY clear that if this does not stop, bringing the police in on it would be my next move. I would also demand a meeting with this parent when you talk to the principal so that you know exactly what is being said to her so that there is no he said, she said situation. This is no time to stand back to wait to see what will happen. This is bullying, plain and simple. And because this is a parent, not another child, there are laws to protect your child.

I would also find out why your child's teacher doesn't want to get involved in this matter. She should be watching out for any type of situation between your child and this parent, if the teacher is aware there is a problem.

I've had to deal with my son being bullyed last year. My son was 11. It's a very serious matter that no child should have to deal with. The fact that you say that your daughter is terrified of this woman worries me. Please do something immediately to stop this (I didn't say "try" to stop this because I think that you need to do everything possible to stop this now!).

If the police won't help you, go to the news to make them aware of it. Maybe they will shine some light on the situation. If all else fails, call a lawyer to see what you can do.

I know that I would've confronted this woman a long time ago to see what her deal was. I would've made my intentions very clear to her - not threatening her in any way-- just letting her know that I wasn't going to allow this to happen any longer and that you would be bringing the police into it if it continues. (But I am that type of person... I'm not suggesting that you confront this woman if you are not comfortable doing that.)

Please keep me updated on your situation. I'll be thinking of you and hoping that you get things straightened out very soon! I wish that I could be there to help you out.

{{{BIG HUGS!!}}}

Tami
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Old 05-02-2010, 07:11 AM
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Thank you for your response. I have sent an email to the principle, vice principle and teacher. We will see what happens tomorrow. I didn't even think of the police and media. She needs to be removed from the school. The worst thing is she was a teacher at one time. It makes me wonder why she's not teaching. She is a very unhappy person and is known at school as the "mean mom". Her daughter is the same as her, great parent modeling. I feel very sorry for her kids. I can only imagine how alone her kids will be as they get older. I will let you know how things turn out!
Thx for the support I need it right now..
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Old 05-02-2010, 10:01 AM
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I was hoping that you would see my reply. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and hoping that things work out for you and your daughter.

I agree, she needs to be banned from the school permanently if this is how she acts.

I'm going to move this thread to the education forum so that more people might see it and reply to it.

Hugs,
Tami
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Old 05-02-2010, 10:02 AM
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Look for your question in this sub-forum.
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Last edited by ajrsmom; 05-02-2010 at 10:06 AM.
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Old 05-02-2010, 10:19 AM
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Frustrated Parent, first of all, welcome to Family Corner.

First of all, document, document, document. Be specific. Get a calender or notebook and write SPECIFICALLY what happen, exactly what was said, who said it, who all was there, and so on. Document exactly what you said to the teacher and what the teacher said to you. If you cannot get any help go to the principal and if that does not work, go to the administration building for your school and talk to the superintendent. If you get nowhere, find out how you can get on the agenda for the next school board meeting. If you get to the point of talking to the principal, remind him/her about all the suicides on the media from bullying. Make it known that under NO circumstances do you want this parent around your child. Abuse is abuse, whether it is verbal, physical, or sexual. Tell him/her that you do not want it to get to the point that your child is either suicidal or becomes a bully herself. Bullies are usually a product of being bullied, either at school or at home. Hopefully, you have so much documentation that this parent will be put on notice and not allowed in the school or with other children, including yours. It will be difficult to get the police to do anything. I would personally have the school set up a meeting so that you can have a meeting with this parent and explain that her behavior with your child will NOT be tolerated. Any future encounters with your child WILL result in you pressing charges against her. You will have to insist that the police press charges. If they refuse, talk to the commander or go over his head.

Keep us posted on how this is going.
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Old 05-03-2010, 07:22 AM
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Thank you for your help Bobby,

I have contacted another parent that has also been through the same thing and is coming with me to see the principle hopefully today.

I also just emailed our local radio station to get it out to the public even if it has to be annoyomus for legal reasons. Our home was broken into last summer while my daughter and I were home and she ened up have to get some therapy over it. We have kept in touch with the therapist who I have also contacted. I also contacted Victim Services through our local police station for help/advice in dealing with this situation.
I will keep everyone updated. Thanks again, your support is greatly appreciated.
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Old 05-03-2010, 01:16 PM
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Frustrated, wow! It sounds like you are coming out fighting with gusto! Good luck to you and thanks for keeping us posted.
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