Scapegoat Santa

February 12th, 2013 posted by Kellie Head

Move over Lee Majors, there’s a new Fall Guy in town and he answers to the name of Claus, Santa Claus. He won’t be taking the plunge from a 40-story skyscraper on a Hollywood stunt set. Instead, he’ll be taking the rap for all the high-tech, high-priced, high-anxiety “gotta-haves” on my kids’ Christmas list–the things I didn’t, wouldn’t, couldn’t get for them. My plan to blame Santa for the material misfortune of my children this Christmas is likely the most diabolically ingenious scheme my frazzled mommy brain has ever conceived. Since they only see him once a year, I can reasonably explain how their toy order fell wayside to the obvious health demands of a 2000-year-old, over-grown elf, with a fetish for sugar cookies and milk. His skyrocketing triglyceride levels alone make him the perfect candidate for a massive coronary–leaving the Grinch, a much leaner specimen, free to take over the Christmas Eve rounds. The same kids, who I spent the better part of the year teaching to be socially responsible citizens, buckle under the heat of the Christmas lights and the mind-numbing melody of Dogs Singing Jingle Bells. Suddenly, and without notice, they are willing to sell Grandma’s prosthetic leg, in hopes of bribing Santa into bringing them the new Dyno-Drencher LTD, with laser scope accuracy and detachable silencer. When I was a child, my mother would hand us the Christmas edition of the Sears catalog and a black marker. We’d spend hours poring through each and every page, hunting for the perfect toys for our Christmas list. We changed out minds dozens of times, crossed out hasty choices, triple circled our well carefully considered revisions and eventually crossed those out, too.

Kellie Head (20 Posts)

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Cindy Rowe
Cindy Rowe (7 Posts)

Cindy Rowe is the owner/editor of Crazylou Creations blog. On the blog, you will find a little bit of crazy, and a whole lot of fun! As a FT working mother, she still finds time to create crafts, play around in the kitchen, plan parties and exercise. You'll find all of this and more on her blog!

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