Dealing with the biological mom

February 12th, 2013 posted by Family Corner Staff

Photo Copyright Amanda Formaro/The Family Corner.com 1998, 1999, 2000

Q:

“I am getting ready to re-marry, and I have a future step-daughter who is 5 yrs. old. My Fiance’ and the girl’s mother were never married, but this was not by her choice and she is resentful and jealous. She has recently re-married herself. I am a Christian and would like her interference and manipulation to cease. I have tried to have an adult conversation and it is usless. If someone could give me some better suggestions or advice to help all of us out it would be very much appreciated.”

~ Dawn V

Answers from our members:

Dave Hileman wrote:

Step family dynamics are quite different from birth parent situations. If you choose to become a step parent you will need to put the child’s interests first. That means taking the high road as Susan suggests. Never speak poorly to a child about their biological parent. It may sound somewhat like you are avoiding your personal responsibility, but research in step families has shown that it is often best to let the two biological parents do the most interacting with each other.

Janet wrote:

Join a step-parenting group so you can vent your anger with someone who can understand your frustrations and anger. Also, don’t hold your anger inside you, it will destroy you as well as your new relationship. Partner with your fiance and get a team plan together.

Maureen wrote:

Prayer! Meditating on Scripture! Walking in the Spirit!! Prayer!!

Susan Wilkins-Hubley wrote:

Depending on how she perceives you and whatever issues you might have between each other – mediation might do the trick. If she truly wishes that you have a good line of communication, it will happen if you are both willing to work on it. If she is unwilling, one thing I could suggest is to take the high road! It sounds cliche but it works. It sounds much easier than it is – and it takes a lot of mental “talking-into”. Her jealousy is her own – and if she wishes to obsess over your marriage – then so be it. It’s her problem and her burden to bear. 🙂 Susan Wilkins-Hubley The Second Wives Club.com


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