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Old 01-14-2004, 03:02 PM
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Only Children, HELP!!!

My 7 yr old dd is an only and she is driving me crazy! She doesn't know how to play by herself and even screams and cries if I tell her to go outside!! She's starting to gain weight, she's already 4'4 at 75 lbs and they already said she was in the 95th percentile for over-weight. Does anyone else have this problem??? What should I do??? I'm starting to see her looking more over-weight.
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Old 01-22-2004, 04:29 PM
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Leasmom...

It may take your participation to get your daugher involved in the habit of activity... If you can't enroll her in an organized sport or club ..like karate, swiming, basketball or a little league type of thing.. then you may just have to get out there and take that bike ride, walk, sled, ski, or canoe trip...or whatever... with her...


They say it takes an adult 28 days to build a habit...and it takes kids six weeks (YIKES!)


In lieu of this.. maybe put on a tape, or the radio and dance, dance dance... or play twister... Make it fun


Maybe she feels "bannnished" when you "send her out" to play... Can you arrange "play dates" for her? Take her to a playground or park where there are other children for her to be engaged with?

I'm fortunate enough to live in a neighborhood where my nine year old dd can find playmates out in the street almost any time she goes outside.

She too is overweight..and she also has Juvenile Rhumatoid Arthritis, so activity is necessary to her health... It is a real challenge to get her to move, especially when she doesn't feel like moving..

It can't feel like punnishment.. it has to feel like an "invitation".. It's a real challenge to get them going.. especially on their own...

Maybe we can brain-storm this together...


Val
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Old 01-22-2004, 05:13 PM
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Thanks...I wish there was someone she could play with

but besides her cousins who live in Colorado Springs whom we occasionally see, there isn't anyone. Dd has always had an issue with playing. She would as long as their was another kid, even when I would do it with her she would give up in a few minutes.

I've tried putting her into sports, that works for her but right now we're going to wait until we move back to Tennessee for dd to get back into sports. I've tried taking her to the local boys and girls club here and that didn't work out because the kids have been very violent and cruel towards dd. We're talking a pre-teen choking her, dd is 7, and boys locking her outside of the club and not letting her in and that's how I found her when I drove up to get her, and another situation she had 3 girls, including a pre-teen threatenting to kick her behind.

I prefer to not let her be around the kids here because of it. The locking her outside just happened Monday when I surprised her and let her go to a different one. Dd only knows Tennessee and kids have picked on her since we moved here, first for her accent and then for her stomach-(what I affectionately call a pudge), and for other reasons I don't know of.

But, dd was like this before we moved, I had a huge yard before and a tire-swing and she refused to set foot outside even when I went out their with her. This is the 2nd yr she's had a brand-new bike that is just wasting away. I think I'm gonna donate it since she's not using it.

Dd is so unlike me in the playing outside regard it's scary. I don't know...
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Old 01-22-2004, 06:10 PM
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Not for nothing, and I hope you don't take offense at my suggestion... but a chat with a child psychologist might help you to understand her insecurities better... I am speaking from a personal perspective...

She may be in a sort of seperation anxiety phase... (Moving from one state to anothere.. not being accepted by peers)... but you say she has always had trouble being alone out of doors? Maybe it's a bit of agorophobia, or a sort of anxiety thing?

I was always a little anxious as a kid..just generalized anxiety.. all the time... I hated to be apart from my mom, could never make it through the sleepovers...hated going to school..never had friends.. etc.

The anxiety followed me into adulthood. It took a lot of therapy and cash (LOL) to get it "fixed".

Back then..they didn't know any better. Kids were assumed to be "care-free" and not have any "real" problems So kids never got any therapy for their fears... But now we can actually help them when they are little, and spare them the huge therapy bills when they are grown-ups

So please don't take offense at my suggestion... I know some people don't like the idea of any of this sort of help in raising their kids.

Val
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Old 01-22-2004, 08:13 PM
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I take no offense, dd is bipolar and A.D.D.

...she goes to a therapist-(but she is very clueless and we haven't seen her in months)-she still sees the psychiatrist though. I am not sure if this is something with bipolar or the fact that she's an only child. I being from a family with 1 brother and 1 sister can't relate to her in this way. I do have A.D.D. and did have a combination ADD/ADHD as a child, but this doesn't fit with that.

She definately has separation anxiety, though it seems to come in stages for her, I don't know why. I was talking not too long ago with my sister about it. I told her how she had severe separation anxiety as a baby-(she could see me a few feet from her and would scream) and it lasted until she was 5, when she would sit on my lap and wouldn't sit besides me.

She's now doing this again...well, laying on me, even when I'm on the computer she lends on my back as I type. I think her anxiety now is because my nieces will be staying with us this summer, maybe for awhile and she was afraid she would have to share her mommy. We have been talking about this so she doesn't have any fear and worry.

Dd has alot of probems, but yes she's always had problems with going outside. I didn't even know there was a phobia about being outside, I may have to find out about it.

I think you hit the nail on the head though about the separation problem...she follows me everywhere...I wonder if it has to do with her not seeing me...gosh, why couldn't we have a good therapist to solve this problem instead of a use-less therapist who leaves us to figure this out for ourselves!!!
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Old 01-27-2004, 04:01 AM
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Post Hello Leasmom

I too have an overweight son. He has been in the 95th percentile since birth! He is 9 yrs. old and is almost 5ft. tall. He currently weighs 136 lbs. The Drs. don't ever say anything about his size, however... he is very active in organized sports, baseball, football, soccer, etc. They have checked his thyroid and all is normal. Also for diabetes...normal.Thank goodness He also has no playmates where we live, the only playing he experiences is at school. I have come to believe that some children will slim up as they "grow up". My Dad was 6ft 7 in. I now think my son will get some of his height!!! I have a female cousin that is 6ft. 2 in., by age 17. As soon as some of this snow and ice leave from around here, my son and I are going to begin a walking regimen. We did it last year and it makes us feel so good. We usually walked in the early evening after supper, it made me feel so rested in the time before going to bed. Lately another thing I have done and am sticking to it religiously is cutting back on fats, more veggies(trying to slim up my son and myself). So far so good. Best of luck to you. I don't want him to feel like he is on a dreaded "DIET"... Just eating healthier!
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Old 01-27-2004, 06:26 AM
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Re: Hello Leasmom

Quote:
Originally posted by CHADSMOM
I don't want him to feel like he is on a dreaded "DIET"... Just eating healthier!

I think that's the key right there to changing the way a child eats...

I think it's also the way to change activity too... Get them playing and involved..like you said you two will walk together as soon as the weather warms up a bit... I think that's a great idea. I have to get dancing with my daughter. I need to buy some good tapes that we can put on a dance to after dinner.... I can't walk to much but I can "swing my boot-ay".. LOLOL!!


Val
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Old 01-27-2004, 07:16 AM
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Hi Val!

I don't do a lot of walking... We live in a small rural area, and on our route leaving the house we have to walk downhill(not steep- just a bit of a slope),BUT on the return trip it seems and feels like Mt. Everest!! Sometimes we drive into town, where the flat land is and sidewalks. We start out usually 10 to 20 min. and work our way up. I try to go at least 3 days a week, and now that deer hunting season is over and my walking partner is back I will do weekends also. I never did like to go alone. The dance idea is a great one also!! I think that is why my daughters always stayed in shape- dancing. They are all grown now though, ages 21, 22 and 29. We do meet during the summer at a half way point and take the kids (my grandkids) and my son swimming at the lake. They have a nice playground where we go and swim area.No lifeguards, so we have swim vests to put on each of them. The state parks here also loans you floating devices, ski jackets, etc. if you need one, so that is great also. I need to lose about 35 lbs. myself. It is coming off, just so slowly... But everytime I go on some fad diet I end up blowing it! So now I just eat off of a smaller plate, but out of all food groups, and low fat when possible. (fat free milk when cooking). Good luck!
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Old 01-30-2004, 08:48 PM
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Healthy eating rather than dieting may help. Does she snack

alot? Keeping her moving and active! Maybe sign up for a

program at a YMCA or swimming program? Walking! Music and

walking in place? Low impact exercise video. I know that Richard

Simmons made one for kids a while ago. It's very low impact and

slower going for a start. These are only a few suggestions ! I

hope you will find something that works. Good luck!
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Old 01-31-2004, 06:20 AM
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Hello!
In a nutshell exercise and healthy eating habits.
Try to interest her in activites such as swimming, a martial art,
riding a bike, swinging.... maybe go to a park....jump rope.
Try something like Girl Scouts.. she will meet others her age and do lots of activites.
Being active is a good beginning.
Then next start healthy eating habits.... watch the junk food and fats. You need some fat but limit it. Watch those empty calories...
drink lemonade and 100% fruits juices and not sodas.....
sensible choices. Have a popcycle or frozen fruit pop and not a bowl of icecream. Watch the salt intake.
Watch sauces in and on the foods she eats. Also watch things like processed foods and pre packaged foods. Eat meals with out meat at least once a week. Not too much dairy. Most dairy is high in fats. Not saying to cut it out just take note and if possible use a lower fat content..
It may require you to make some changes but you will benefit as well.
You might involve her in the meal preperations also.
My kids like pastas. We make a nice pasta salad from sea shells,
halved grape tomaotes. a few black olives, garbanozo beans,
shredded cheese, and Wishbone Italian Dressing.
Good Luck!
Wishing you wellness!
Robin in NC
www.bunnyrabbits.org/southerncomfortrefuge/
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