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Teenagers So many parents of teens have said "just you wait!" But why? What are your thoughts on teens today?

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Old 01-05-2010, 04:03 AM
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Teenager driving me batty!

My 17 year old son is driving me crazy. :-/ We bought a used car for him and his sister to drive. He has his license, she has her permit and will get her license in April. My husband works for a car dealer, so he got a great deal on this car, but we still had to put a little money in to it. We put the title in OUR names.

Of course we added it to our insurance policy, and just adding a teenage driver jacks you up quite a bit too. So the additional cost for him and the car is $165 per month. We told him he had 30 days to get a job, otherwise he would only be allowed to drive the car back and forth to school, nowhere else. One of the stipulations of us buying the car was that he would have to pick up his sister from school everyday (he gets home at 1:20, she gets out at 2:45) and run errands when we need it. We even agreed to put $20 per week in the gas tank to get them back and forth to school. He has to leave school after 4th period and drive to a separate school that he goes to in the afternoon. Because of this academy that he goes to, they don't have a bus that goes there, we are responsible for the transportation, hence me paying the gas.

Anyway, he finally got a job, but it's not like McDonalds or anything like that. We live in a rural community and a good friend of his has a neighbor that pays him minimum wage to clean horse stalls, split wood, and do various other chores. So yesterday his sister came out and asked him to pick her up at a different exit at the school than he normally does, and he announced that he had to work and couldn't pick her up. That immediately made me mad because one of the stipulations of driving a "free" car was that he pick up his sister everyday! I ended up picking her up yesterday and told him he needed to talk to his boss and let him know he would either need to start work later or leave to pick her up and then come back.

He can be a hard headed kid sometimes. :-/ He argued a little and his dad and I just flat out told him, either you pick her up from school or we sell the car, simple as that. So then he tried presenting me with a hypothetical situation.

"So mom, what would you do if you were working and I called and said I needed a ride... blah blah blah" My answer to him was that I, being a responsible adult, would have told the person that hired me from the start that I had a prior commitment at a certain time and that I would need to honor that commitment. He of course didn't like that and walked away.

UGH - he'll be 18 in 5 months, so he's really deep in that stage of "I'm too old for you to tell me what to do" kind of thing. I basically told him the car was a privilege and if he didn't want to honor his commitment he could get a car the same way everyone else does. He can save his own money and go out and get one.

So frustrating!
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Old 01-08-2010, 05:13 AM
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Amanda, I absolutely love the way you worked things out with the car and your ds. It is teaching him responsibility and also helps out his sister and you at the same time. I am going to have to remember that when my youngest ds starts driving. I think you should stick to your guns regarding the car. Driving is a priveledge not a right and you were very clear with your ds from the start about what the expectations would be for him having a car. I hope things work out.
I think with teens who are almost 18, it is the attitude that drives me crazy the most. they think they know everything, that we know nothing, and that we couldn't possibly understand anything that they are going through. Right now my middle ds who just turned 20 is home on winter break from college, He makes it very clear he wishes he were back at school, that he hates being home and hates having to deal with his parents and siblings. The other day he totally yelled at me for putting one of his hoodies in the wash as it came out with "lint" on it. (He already helps with laundry and his sweatshirt got in the wash by accident). It hurts my feelings that he is so clear about not wanting to be here. My youngest ds is 15 and is the most annoying child on the planet! He is rude, refuses to do his chores, and seems to wreck havoc all through the house. If I can get him through high school and off to college it will be a miracle! He, too, thinks he knows everything.
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Old 01-08-2010, 05:33 AM
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Things have calmed down a bit now. His dad spoke to him after I did (he responds much better to his dad) and he basically told him, either you stick with the original agreement and pick up your sister, or the car goes bye bye. No negotiation. That worked. He was full of crap trying to tell me that he would lose his job if he tried to change the time he went in. I knew that was bull, and that it was just him not wanting to pick her up. Well that's all cleared up now... until the next drama starts LOL!

Have you ever just told your 20 year old that he's hurting your feelings? I know with Tony, he can't stand it when I cry. It breaks him down and he feels horrible, he'll do anything to make me stop LOL

Does your 15 year old have a computer? When mine tries to refuse their chores, I hide their keyboard. BAHAHAHA!
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Old 01-08-2010, 06:59 AM
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Amanda, I am glad your ds listened to your dh (though why dks won't listen to their mom's in the first place is beyond me because my dks listen to my dh better too) and that things have calmed down. I love that both you and your dh stuck to your guns and did not back down. Kids are so good at trying to bend the rules a bit. My oldest ds (the one home from college) just walks around the house rolling his eyes every time he can't do something he wants to do because of others in the house and makes it very clear he likes the college dorm better than home. I think he knows it hurts my feelings but you are right and I should say something outright. As for my youngest ds, we only have one computer and it is right in the center of everything so I can keep an eye on his usage etc. and we have taken it away for bad behavior before. Everything is a battle with him (chores, homework, etc.) Life would be so much easier if he would just do what needs to be done when it needs to be done but that just isn't his way. I just keep telling myself "this too shall pass"
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Old 01-08-2010, 11:57 AM
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ds1 had his moments, we don't buy our kids cars, no one bought me one I had to save and so did ds1, he had to work to save for it, that also included insurance and his own rego, and driving lessons.
If anything ds1 tried to intimidate me, but I have a bro that did the same and I don't intimidate easily, it's also easier if dh and yourself are in accord with each other.
It is hard, not a kid but not quite an adult but adult things expected.
It will get better for you ds1 will be 20 this year
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Old 01-08-2010, 12:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bilby
ds1 had his moments, we don't buy our kids cars, no one bought me one I had to save and so did ds1,
LOL I was waiting for someone to say that You're right though, no one bought me a car either! I had to buy my own.

My husband is behind the purchase for a couple of reasons.

1) he works at the dealership and he's a transmission mechanic. Therefore he got a smokin' deal on the car and was able to fix it for next to nothing.

2) he has this complex - he went without a LOT as a kid. They had nothing. While we (me as a kid) didn't have "nothing" we definitely lived on a tight divorced parent budget, so you wanted something, you worked for it yourself.

DH constantly WANTS to give things to the kids since he had nothing himself growing up. He doesn't want them to feel the way he did. If it weren't for horrible me, they'd be spoiled rotten LOL!

We were just discussing tires today, DH and I. One of the tires went flat on DS's car. DH wouldn't let him drive all over the place on the spare, and DH's friend who owns a used car lot, had 4 cheap tires for $200. Well hell, I don't want to pay for them! But DH is always bartering stuff with this guy. DH will fix a transmission and his friend will get parts for DH, etc,etc. So my DS doesn't really realize how lucky he has it sometimes. I asked DH today if he had talked to DS about paying for part of the tires. DHs response was that we can't keep expecting DS to pay for everything if it's not HIS car, it's his and his sister's. Twisted, I know.

I have my work cut out for me!
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Old 01-08-2010, 12:43 PM
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I can honestly say I can see where your dh is coming from, there are certain things that were way out of budget for our family (lets say dad was a happy gambler and it was either feast or famine, but I can say that we went without more than with LOL).If you've got a smokin deal, that is something you have to take up and yes like you said ds has to realise it's a privilege.
It's so hard to impress upon them that they are getting things a bit easier due to our knowledge and our working hard and our $ saving abilities BUT he also has a comment that makes me want to cry that he could be such a spoiled brat.
I'm not having a go at you as we've always said that like pocket money extra things always depend the income of the parents.
Maybe due to circumstances I'm toooo penny pinching LOL
Isn't life with kids a challenging merry go round??
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Old 01-10-2010, 01:40 PM
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I understand why you bought the car and agree you were 100% right in sticking to the original agreement.
My middle dd was my thorn, if it is any help as an adult she is a great person , very caring and considerate. I would never have believed it when she was growing up. I did stick to the No rudeness allowed rule. If you were you lost privledges but she would fight me tooth and nail over everything she could.I did find sticking to simple facts and just plain not arguing with her helped. I just told her you can do things your way when it's your house deal with it. I know a lot of experts don't agree but believe me she could argue for hours over anything
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