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Teenagers So many parents of teens have said "just you wait!" But why? What are your thoughts on teens today?

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Old 03-07-2008, 07:49 AM
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Bullying!

I have a 15yr old Girl. She is in grade 9 and having such a hard time with other girls. She is being bullyed by several of the girls, Being called bad names. She was then saying she never wants to go back to that school again. I know she can't just drop out as I won't allow that.

She then started hanging around with other kids that don't hang with the ones giving her trouble. The girls are still bugging her to the point where she has to put contarcts on the girls to leave her alone, but that does not seem to work.

Does anyone have any ideas how I can help my daughter more. I have contacted the vice principal and she finally suspended one of the girls that was the really bad. Several teacahers are now aware of the problem and glad to help her when she needs them. Not sure if there is more I can do to help her.
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Old 03-07-2008, 09:13 AM
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Sorry to hear of your dd's problems but it sounds like she's on the right path.My dd had problems with a girl in the group that she hung out with last year.The girl would get up in her face & was always trying to get her to do things her way but dd got tired of it told her off then starting hanging out with other people at first the other kids in the old group was upset with her for not spending time with them but they finally got over it.As far as people saying things about her that's not true she learn to let it go because she knows the people that really knows her know them things are not true.I pray things will get better for your dd & just hang in there.
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Old 03-07-2008, 09:20 AM
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mommyof_3 - So sorry to hear that your dd is having such a difficult time. I have a 14yo dd, and I have learned over the past several years how really cruel girls can be. It sounds like you have done all of the right things so far. Do you know if the school has contacted these girls' parents? Maybe you could arrange a meeting with them and the principal.

I know how hard it is to ignore people who are treating you so badly. I hope things get better for your dd.

Kathy
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Old 03-07-2008, 10:40 AM
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I am so sorry! I have been dealing with the same thing but mine was 8yrs to 10yrs old. It is the same thing where the school claims zero tollerance and then really has nothing in place to help these poor kids who are being victimized.

She has done the right thing by finding new, and presumably better, people to be around. This will help immensley but it is not going to make her feel good all the time.

In our school district, they have open boundaries, and we were finally able to remove my dd from this poisonous atmosphere and put her in one that is wonderful. I do not feel that we ran away, I have discovered that every school is not suited to every child, but each child has a right to feel safe at school. I drive my dd every day and would not go back for a second.
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Old 03-07-2008, 12:42 PM
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Thanks everyone. I am glad that I can have people to talk about this. My dd has to watch her back as one girl had threatend her to do so. The school did nothing about that. I am glad that she has lots of teachers that she can talk to and confind in.

It also happend in grade school too. She then had a great IEP teacher that took good care of her. They made sure that her last year of grade school was peaceful and had the other girl moved out of the class.

Thanks again

Francine
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Old 03-10-2008, 11:48 AM
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For me my oldest had one girl that would pick on her in the 6th grade.It got pretty bad where they were both punished and not sure if she had done anything or not.I even had to talk to the dad (as they were going though a divorice).It finally came to a stop when they were in middle school.There was some teasing but now these 2 girls have put it all behind them and talk to each other.I think her (The girl who was picking on her best friend) had alot to do with it.Now the other girl goes to a different school.My main problemn was that my oldest has ADD.So she has friends in different clinques and what not.She is a very good girl.It is so hard to see them grow up.So far my middle dd hasn't had any of these probelmns and for that I am thankful for.

Mish
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Old 03-14-2008, 01:58 PM
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Mommy, is this the same child who is depressed and concerned about weight? It is a good thing that the principal has been informed. If your DD is being assaulted, it needs to stop. However, there is more going on than that.

I was one of those girls, at 15, who was bullied and picked on. I had a low self-esteem and problems at home. I didn't even have parents that I could go to in order to talk. I remember a situation in which a gang of girls came over and wanted to kick my hiney (replacing the actual word). I was fed up and wanted to die. I figured if the girl killed me, it would be a favor. So, I told her to go ahead. I immediately noticed a change in her voice. She said she would wait until after school. I told her that she wanted to do it now, so do it!!! She got scared because we were in front of the principal's office. It was then that I realized that most of what went on was just talk in order to scare me. Kids still taunted me, but no child ever threatened bodily harm after that.

Years later when I developed a healthy self-esteem, the problems stopped. I love myself now. I know that I am not perfect or the best. But, I am satisfied with who I have become and I have accepted the fact that I have made mistakes. In other words, I have accepted life on its terms and I understand that we all have some special aspects of ourselves.

I have noticed that when I love myself and hold my head high, everyone seems to want to be my friend. It is strange how when one doesn't care whether or not she has friends and she goes at the beat of her own drum, everyone else wants to follow. I think it is a leader mentality rather than a follower or "do you like me?" mentality.

Like I said on another thread, see if you can get her in to see a cognitive-behavior therapist. They are specialized to deal with thought distortions. If your DD can change her thoughts about herself and her behavior, the rest will follow.
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Old 03-14-2008, 03:57 PM
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Thanks DeBora. No my dd is not depressed or worried about being over weight.

She has begun to hang out with other kids that do not talk to that other group. the one that has been causing the most problems did finally get suspended from school. The school is setting up a program with the police and doing a bullying program again just for the grade 9's. They also told the students that are giving trouble on the computer that stuff can be printed and the police can be called in. I truly think that had scared them because since that no one has said anything since.

Francine
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Old 03-14-2008, 04:46 PM
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Glad you are able to get the problemn somewhat under control.I hope it can get better for her too.

Mish
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Old 03-14-2008, 06:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mommyof_3
Thanks DeBora. No my dd is not depressed or worried about being over weight.

She has begun to hang out with other kids that do not talk to that other group. the one that has been causing the most problems did finally get suspended from school. The school is setting up a program with the police and doing a bullying program again just for the grade 9's. They also told the students that are giving trouble on the computer that stuff can be printed and the police can be called in. I truly think that had scared them because since that no one has said anything since.

Francine
I think that is an excellant idea. I was watching Highschool Reunion the other day. A man confronted his highschool bully. The bully is now grown and is very senstive. When he was confronted, he didn't even remember the kid that he bullied! He felt bad that he did the things that he did. He knew he was a bully and mean, but he never realized that he caused so much damage to others.

I don't know if prevention training would make a difference, but it sure wouldn't hurt. Sensitivity training would be good too. Kids, of any age, need to be reminded, by the school shootings, what some kids can be pushed to when bullied. The bullies aren't directly responsible, but they need to be made aware of how painful bullying is on others.
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