Visit FamilyCorner.com for tons of seasonal ideas!
quick link - go to our home page quick link - kid's crafts, family fun, printables, etc quick link - sign up for our free newsletter quick link - holiday crafts, recipes and ideas quick link - gardening, organizing, saving money, decorating and more quick link - our FunBook is filled with lots of quick ideas, tips and crafts quick link - join our bustling community of friendly members


Go Back   FamilyCorner.com Forums > Parenting > Ages & Stages > Teenagers

Teenagers So many parents of teens have said "just you wait!" But why? What are your thoughts on teens today?

Reply
 
Thread Tools Rating: Thread Rating: 2 votes, 4.00 average.
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 09-12-2004, 11:27 AM
Member
FamilyCorner Newbie
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: ohio
Posts: 69
shocking Caught 15 y/o Son Smoking

Last night my husband and I caught our 15 y/o son smoking cigarettes with a group of kids. Of course we called him over and asked him what he was doing and he was honest. So we told him to go home and we continued with our walk. To give us time to think and him. Well I will say he is grounded for a while. Which I know won't help. I was 15 once and got caught and grounded. I still smoke to this day. So I'm feeling a little guilty because I know my smoking has put an influence on him and feel a little hypocritical about the lecture of the effects of smoking when I smoke. But as I told him I don't want him to end up like me with the struggle to quit smoking and being dependent on cigarettes. But I still feel like the guilty party. Especially since he said he has been doing it for about a year. But I feel hurt the most because me and my son do have a close relationship. We talk alot about everyday life and peer pressure. And now I found out he lied to me on several occasions. Did we do the right thing on grounding him from his friends and social life? He basically can go to school. He is allowed to have phone calls and use the internet. Should I feel this GUILTY or just chalk it up to another teenager dilemma?
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 09-13-2004, 08:27 PM
Abear's Avatar
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Fanatic
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Heart of Cajun Country
Posts: 4,607
In MHO, you should do what you can to get him to stop.

Maybe you can stop together?????


He is only 15.....too young to make such a life threatening decision.

How has he been getting cigarettes? He is too young to buy them himself.
__________________
Hook 'Em Horns!!!!
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 09-15-2004, 05:24 PM
Member
FamilyCorner Newbie
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: ohio
Posts: 69
I think the grounding is working, but who knows what he will do when it is over. I know He is getting alot of flack from his girlfriend. she is upset over it. and I overheard him talking to his dad about it and he said he didn't do it all the time. I think it is more peer pressure than anything. but I do struggle with trying to quit daily.
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 09-19-2004, 02:56 AM
Goria's Avatar
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Admirer
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Canada
Posts: 236
Hi - is the "patch" an option for both you and your son? It is very important for both of your health's sake to quit ASAP. I know it is easier said than done - my husband quit 4 years ago and believe you me, it was one of the hardest things he EVER did. There were many times that I considered buying them and throwing them at him, he was so hard to live with. It is a death of sorts, many people go through withdrawal, anger, depression, etc. etc. I don't think there is enough information on these kinds of symptoms - they are normal and should be expected. But - it is worth it. I think that if you were on the 'cancer road'.....there would be an incredible sense of mourning that you did not persevere through the long and difficult process of quitting....but instead finding yourself on the long and hard process of dying. You actually rob your family members of your presence in their lives. Relationships is one of life's biggest treasures.
I know I sound tough, but as I write a family member is in ICU with esophagus cancer. He is in his 50's. Look up the information on this cancer on the internet. (prognois, life expectancy, symptoms and treatment....it should be enough to scare anyone!) (Maybe a good exercise for you son to do and report all of the findings etc.) He is definitely in my prayers.
My husband was on the patch for 4 months....and then came off it. He says there are still times he goes to reach for a cigarette, but thank GOD he is not smoking anymore.
__________________
******The power of our risen Jesus Christ can transform: My disposition (The way I act); My devotion (The things I love); and My destiny (Where I am going). Amen!*******

Last edited by Goria; 09-19-2004 at 03:00 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 09-19-2004, 07:44 AM
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Newbie
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Nevada
Posts: 45
Both of my kids started smoking as teenagers, even after years of trying to get their dad to stop smoking. Go figure! Dad, a very heavy smoker, finally quit at age 63--patches didn't work so he quit cold-turkey. That was over five years ago. If he can do it, anyone can. Our son said, "If Dad can quit, so can I," and he did. Daughter continues to smoke occasionally.

Quitting is so much harder than beginning. If you can help him understand that, maybe your son will stop before he gets to the "point of no return." He must understand that it is an addiction.

Also, be sure he understands that people do die from smoking. Oh, it may take years, but it does happen. A few years ago my boss died at age 59 and last year I lost a cousin at age 67. Both were healthy otherwise, but had smoked for years and ended up with lung cancer. This will seem a long time away to him, but believe me it doesn't seem that long when you get there.

I think you both need to do this together to support each other. Be sure he knows that you will probably need the support longer than he will since you have smoked longer. It is hard for kids not to do the things their peers are doing, but that is where "guts" come in. I hope he has the "guts" to buck the crowd.
__________________
JD

"Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands." ~Anne Frank
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 09-19-2004, 07:52 AM
Lifestar's Avatar
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Junkie
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: I'm in a New York State of Mind
Posts: 1,823
I have a different opinion on the subject.. I think he's playing around at being "cool" Show him it's not something to play with ... Show him how nasty it really is...



Hand him a pack tell him to light up ... and make him smoke till he vommits from the nicotine ovedose...


It IS a drug... It will cause his heart to race and his head to pound and he'll be sick to his stomach..

He'll be shocked..


Talk to him about your addiction to the drug, ... your struggle to quit ... and the fact that you hate not being able to control your habit.

Cigarettes are a drug... He needs to avoid getting adicted.. It happens without realizing..and then it's too late.. All of a sudden you realize you're out of control, and you're on your way to dying early.

Why wouldn't you want to protect him from the same fate you have been sucked into?

There is nothing hypocritical in that...

He's really not a baby.. A 15 year old will appreciate your honesty..

Maybe after getting sick on the nicotine,, he won't think its so cool the next time someone offers him a cigarette.. Maybe he'll recognize it's a drug that has real effects on his body.. And maybe he'll say "No way..No thanks".....
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 09-19-2004, 09:34 AM
klcrn's Avatar
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Groupie
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Beaver Falls, PA
Posts: 404
From another view point.....

At age 15--he is probably experimenting with "being cool" because some of his friends are smoking also. I know that I went a stage like that--proud to say I haven't lit a cigarette in over 35 yrs.

I'm an RN and have seen first hand the damage smoking can cause to your lungs...the air sacs in the lungs rupture, fill up with goop and you basically sufficate---a VERY UGLY way to die-- and you suffer for YEARS. Not to mention cancer......

If you think your son has a "serious" problem with smoking--ask your Dr. to take him to a hospital that deals with lung diseases. Let him see what it's like for someone with COPD (Chronic Obstructive Lung Disease) etc. Let him see how hard it is for them to breathe--how they get short of beathe just trying to eat-forget trying to walk across the room!!. Have him run in place for a few minutes then hand him a straw, hold his nose and tell him to breathe through it...THAT'S what it's like for someone who has smoked for a long time.........

I think that grounding him for now is a good choice but it still wouldn't hurt to "see" the consequences of his actions.....

P.S.--I know it would be difficult but if YOU stopped smoking too, you would be setting a great example for him and earn a lot of respect. When my oldest got "too old" for his car seat and went to just a seatbelt, we never moved the car until he was buckled..but we didn't buckle ourselves. Then one day he said--"How come I have to wear a seatbelt when you don't??" From that monent on--my DH and I made sure we ALL buckled up and to this day--my son will not move his car until EVERYONE is buckled...and my DH and I still buckle...every time!
__________________
Proud to be an American --- God Bless the men and women in our Military Services--hug a Vet today!!
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 09-19-2004, 10:45 AM
janet's Avatar
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Addict
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Up North Michigan
Posts: 6,474
Well, here is my 2 cents...and I have somewhat a different view of what to do...lol

Grounding is not the solution for getting caught smoking...
I feel when teens get grounded, that makes the choice to lie to you more impressive...for if they told you only what you wanted to hear and they still had their freedom..you set them up to lie.

He was truthful with you, so why ground him? He could of lied, and said I was holding it for someone. or this was my first puff.

I would sit down and talk to him about Peer Pressure, and if his friends don't like him, because he won't smoke..he doesn't need a group of friends like that.

Now, not to make you feel bad, but you and hubby are role models for him...you both smoke, so why should he think it is bad.

Also ask him if he bought the cigarettes and if he did, go to the store he got them from and talk to the manager. ID's have to be checked for purchasing cigarettes.

Tell you son, besides the harm it does to your body, it is an expensive habit to keep up.

Now, I don't believe in the adversion therapy(sorry Val) not only are you adding extra nictoine to his body, but there are dixions,
formaldehydes, and other chemicals that are harmful.

Check out this link for more tips, and it can help you too.

http://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/tips4youth.htm


From an X-Smoker (Smoke -free since 1983) PTL!

Love, janet
__________________
Janet






A kind word never broke anyone's mouth.
~ Irish Proverb~
Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 09-19-2004, 01:00 PM
LILA's Avatar
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Admirer
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: PA
Posts: 137
I used to smoke many years ago but quit. I wasn't a chain smoker or anything like that. My husband used to smoke also for over 45 years and quit "cold turkey" six years ago and said he will never smoke again. This confirmed our actions when we recently attended a Health and Diabetes expo that had free admission. One display showed lungs after smoking a pack of cigarettes a day for 20 years. It was an active display and disgusting. The lungs were black. Below that, they showed healthy lungs. I know that would be enough to make most people stop. We heard many people at the expo say they were going to get help to stop smoking. My husband said he feels so much better, more energetic and doesn't burn holes in his clothes nor does our house smell of smoke or our car. It's really nice! Also, he has added years to his life that we can enjoy together!

Good luck and I hope you find a way for both of you to stop smoking!
__________________
Lila
Reply With Quote
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 09-19-2004, 01:38 PM
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Admirer
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Northern Illinois
Posts: 160
Pinkie Winky

I don't think grounding your son will do any good either. He will "serve his time", but did he really learn anything? How will it teach him to stop smoking? At his age, it's mainly peer pressure and the desire to look cool; that's why he's hanging around his friends and doing it. You rarely see a kid at age 15 smoking by themselves.

Someone asked where he's getting these cigarettes...I doubt he's buying them himself, as I don't know of any place that will sell cigarettes to kids. They card everyone. Most likely, he's getting them from friends, who in turn have older siblings or friends that supply them. I know this from my own son - he's 16 and last year he experimented with smoking, too. Thank God, it didn't hold that much appeal to him and he quit.

It's going to be very hard to persuade him to quit when he sees you still smoking. There is nothing worse to a teenager than a hypocrite, or someone who is saying, "Do as I say, not as I do." You'd be wise to do your son AND yourself a favor and seek some serious help in order to quit. Call your doctor and see what he/she suggests. My sister and brother-in-law both quit a couple of years ago after both smoking since their teens. They went through hypnotherapy.

In any case, good luck to you - and continue to keep the lines of communication open between you and your son. Tell him and show him how hard it is for you to quit. Be honest and tell him you wish you'd never even started. Tell him how it makes you smell bad, have bad breath, makes your teeth and fingernails yellow, etc. Sometimes teenagers are turned off just by the physical side effects.

~Melanie
Reply With Quote
 
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Trying to stop smoking Minny Health & Fitness 20 03-11-2015 10:47 AM
No smoking ban motherof2 Your Health 22 10-16-2007 06:46 AM
Smoking while pumping gas? lrivetz Idle Chit Chat! 8 10-05-2006 06:05 AM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 07:38 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.1
Copyright 1997-2012, FamilyCorner.com Magazine, Inc. an Internet Brands company

POPULAR AREAS OF FAMILYCORNER.COM

Our Family FunBook is packed full of ideas from parents just like you!

Our members say that they have never found a friendlier message board community than ours!

Our kid's craft section is filled with easy ideas for creative little minds.

We have tons of free printable coloring pages to keep your little ones happy.

We offer a wide variety of free newsletters delivered right to your inbox.

Our Household Hints & Tips have a wealth of information on cleaning, organizing, and more!
Go to the funbook Go to forums Go to kid's crafts Go to printables Go to newsletters Go to Hints & Tips

Home || Newsletters || Advertising || Terms of Use || Privacy || Services || Submissions || Contact Us || Media Opportunities || Link To Us || Shop || Feedback || Staff || e-Cards || Reminder Service



FamilyCorner.com® is sponsored in part by...




Visit our friends --> MomsMenu | Main Street Mom | She Knows | Baby University | Personal Fitness Zone | iChef.com

Copyright Notice | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use/Disclaimer

You Rated this Thread: