My teenage daughter and sex!

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  • I'm really not sure how to handle the fact that my husband and I just found out that our "baby" daughter (17 year old twin) has recently gotten on the birth control pill and is having sex with her boyfriend of 6 months! To add to the situation, we don't like the boy! He's sort of a loser, just got out of high school last year, and works off and on at a gas station. He was unemployed for over a month recently, and my daughter loaned him money! My daughter is very smart, cute, and outgoing. Lots of boys like her! But she seems attracted to the "bad boy" mentality! Anyway, how are my husband and I supposed to handle our daughter having sex? We don't think she is mature enough to handle it! I guess I'm glad she is using birth control, but I truly wish she wasn't sexually active! She's too darn young! Any advice? Gabriele
  • Most teens do not wait until marriage to have sex. I would thank God that you are obviously and good and responsible parent to have raised a daughter that is responsible enough to have started on birth control when she knew she was going to have sex. That does not mean that you have to condone her having an active sex life, but at 17 it was her choice. Sorry that I dont' have better advise than this.
  • daughter and sex
    My daughter is 16 (will be 17 in Sept) and has been going out with her boyfriend for 8 months. A few months ago I found out they were having sex using condoms. This really bothered me, but at the same time I had to remember back when I was a teen and the things I did. I knew there was no going back now for her so I suggested to her that she start taking the pill, although I didn't approve of her having sex (way too young) I wanted her to be protected. I had her see a gyn for a complete work up and counseling. I thought this was the best choice for us and I didn't want to see her end up getting pregnant like my 16 y/o niece who just had a baby.
  • Hello gardngal,stephimm, and naturalhealth!

    I also recently encountered this!! My 16 1/2 year old (as if the 1/2 matters) went to her doctor for a physical. I was asked to leave the room, as she was going to be asked questions about drugs, smoking, sex, etc. When I returned the doctor told me that she was going to give her birthcontrol, because she didn't want my daughter to become pregnant. I knew my dd was seeing her BF for quite some time. I didn't get angry, or upset. I thought that it was a very responsible decision on my dd's part. I am not saying that I am promoting sex....I just thought she was acting very maturely and responsibly.

    I hope this made sense.....My minds was "realing" as I typed it!!!
  • Teenagers and sex
    Hi

    I am also recently found out that my 16 1/2 yr old daughter was having sex with her boyfriend of 2 1/2 months... I can't say that I am at all happy about the situation..but at least they are using condoms.. It is also probably time to take her to get birth control pills. We had a talk about it when I did find out and I told her I wasn't happy with it, but at least they were being responsible. I just feel as if she should not have gotten into having sex so early into the relationship because many teenage guys are out for only one thing. I am not too crazy about her boyfriend either.. he is ok but I don't think he treats her as well as he should. Many times she is upset with him because he doesn't give her the attention she deserves. Maybe it is the nature of the 17 1/2 yr old boy to behave as he does, but I told her that if he doesn't treat her with respect and shape up that she should dump him.
    I really feel that much of her problem with relationships with guys stems from her relationship with her father. We have been apart for 5 years and he hardly ever bothers to talk with her or spend time with her. Most of the contact has been of her doing. I just think that she is so desparate to have male approval that she thinks that sex is the only way to get it. Maybe I am wrong, I don't know..... Anyone have any input on this?
  • CallieCat:

    My dd doesn't have much contact with her "dad", either. It's a long story! However, I feel the way you do. My dd was responsible on her part. I'd much rather see them using protection then see her suffer the "consequences"!
  • I just wanted to add that I am really glad for this post!!!! Thanks!!! I really know that I'm not alone!!!!
  • Hi danstigerangel

    It looks like our girls do have some things in common. My story with my ex is quite unusual and also a long one... I sometimes feel bad about my daughter not having a "real" family, but it would have been much worse if I had stayed in the marriage. He wasn't even really a decent dad to her when he was here. I give him every opportunity to see her whenever he wants and he has rarely even bothered to take advantage of that....

    SOmetimes I think that maybe my daughter's rebelliousness and other nasty behavior is because she wants the attention and also because her father has not been a positive influence in her life. I think she may be looking for love from any guy that will give it to her.... Like I said I am not happy at all about her having sex with her boyfriend but at least they have been using condoms. I just wish she would wait on the sex and share it with someone who treats her well and really cares for her.
    Anyway, like you my mind is still reeling too.... Teenage daughters are very tough to deal with... Hopefully we will all make it through this rough time and there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

    Take care


  • Hi everyone,
    Boy it's refreshing to know I'm not alone. Although I'm not a single mother, my husband works a lot and I pretty much raise my kids on my own. Just hang in there and use your best judgement when it comes to your daughters.

    My dd came home early from the movies last night with her friends and said they were going to go park and do some drinking so she asked them to bring her home first. Boy was I proud of her for making that level headed decision.

    Even though she is now taking the pill she knows I don't approve of her having sex, but what can you do. Chain them to their bed?
    She is fortunate to have a nice and caring boyfriend who treats her well.

    So good luck ladies and keep the line of communication open with your daughters.

    Take care,
    Marcia
  • Hats off to you moms with daughters! My parents raised me with the Bible's view of premarial relations and how that was displeasing to God and not respectful of our bodies. I was a virgin when I got married. Well times are a lot different, 17 years ago, there were a few that were having sex, and I think it was around 17, 18 or in college that they were doing this.

    Blame the media!

    My son is 14 and I stress these same godly views. I just hope he follows them. We have open discussions.

    I can't really tell you what to do, because our views are probably different. But it's good they are on birth control, and keep those lines of communication open.