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Old 12-08-2003, 11:05 AM
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Question need advice

i have two older girls (now 20 and 23) and got divorced when they were 12 and 9. i had them every weekend for 2 years then had to move and got remarried. they flew up to see us 3 or 4 times a yr and every time it seemed there was yelling and screaming between the oldest and my wife over something i thought was not very significant. we ended up going to counseling for several months and it seemed to work for a short time. however the visits got shorter and less frequent. my wife always thought i sided with my daughters since i wouldnt punish them the way she wanted them punished ( i usually would try and talk to them and point out what they did wrong). we have had a number of fights over this with her saying i wasnt supporting her.
The oldest didnt come for a summer visit with her sister and that visit turned into a disaster with my wife getting inot huge screaming match with the youngest.
they both came last year for my retirement party and stayed in our house, the oldest used the computer and left a web trail to a site that kids use to post electronic diaries ( very anounomous). needless to say it was very unflaterring and hurtful to my wife and a disparging remark about our marriage. well any chance of reconciliation was down the toilet and my wife called my oldest and told her she would not talk to her again until she apologized. i have asked my daughter to apologize but she refuses saying that was her diary and thought and she shouldnt have to aplogize about the way she feels to my wife.
even after all this,when the oldest girls droke downa few months ago, my wife called some friend she knew in the town where she broke down and they took care of her. She did send a note of thanks to my wife (which i was grateful for, thinking they might be able to speak to each other) however last month was my wifes birthday and while the youngest sent something the oldest didnt even send a card ( which i remined her to do but she said she wouldnt). Now with xmas in a few weeks my wife doesnt want my oldest to get anything until she starts treating her with respect. my position is that is ridiculous and that is not the right thing to do. my wife says that unless i make them change they are not getting anything, and i say that i cant make them like her. i have said they need to treat her with respect since she is my wife but my wife said that isnt enough.
i am just asking for some adive on what you think i should do!!! sorry it is so long..thanks, rick
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