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Step-Parenting Ask other step-parents your questions about being a step mom.

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Old 06-13-2003, 04:02 PM
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Question Need advice about stepdaughter(sorry, long)

I am sorry this is so long, but I need advice and have not been able to find anyone with this similar situation.

Dh's ex was a nightmare. Always calling, starting trouble, holding SD back from visitation. She would stand in front DH when he would go to visitation and tell SD, well I was going to take to you the (insert anything from zoo too shopping here), but you HAVE to go with HIM. DH was faithful with CS, Ins, what Ins didn't cover, and visitation for 3 years. When BM remarried, DH voluntarily allowed 1st SF to adopt SD. BM was out of control and we absolutely did not have the mone to keep fighting her, her mom paid all of her lawyer bills.

The adoption was in 1993. In February 1997 BM and SF divorced, they had one DD together. Later that year, we came home for a visit from Germany. SD wanted to see DH and our DD. We saw her and DH called her regular from Germany for 1 and half years. I bought presents for him to send to her. As soon as we moved back to the States(July 1999), DH called SD and told her he was and could her visit her the next day. She was ten at the time. She told him she couldn't wait to see him, in fact she was going to bed right then so when she woke up he would be there to get her. 30 minutes later BM calls and says DH is no longer allowed to contact SD in any way. In April 2001, (SD is 12)BM calls DH and says that SD wants him to write her, he does and gets a nasty note from SD(handwritten by BM). DH writes SD another nice letter, and never hears another word. By now, BM is married for 3rd time, and they have a daughter. Last December, MIL calls and says that SD is throwing a fit and telling everyone she wants her daddy. DH calls SD and they talk, we go to see her. Everything goes well. DH calls and e-mails SD regular. SD never calls DH and quit e-mailing with no warning. DH goes to see SD Mother's day weekend and they talk for about 5 hours. SD still says she wants to be a part of this family too. Memorial Day weekend we go home for DH's grandmother's funeral. BM calls him there and tells him that it is none of his business, but he is going to find out anyway.....SD is pregnant at 14! DH tried to call SD about 5 times and only got answering machine. Each time he left a message telling SD that he loved her, was not mad at her and really wanted to talk to her. He has not heard a thing form her. 1st stepfather(who adopted her) hasn't had anything to with her for about 2 years. And 2nd stepfather has told her that he will NOT get involved with any of this.

We are at a loss. DH is heartbroken again. DD, who is 11 is heartbroken, because she is an only child and was so excited she was going to have her sister in her life.

Anyone have any advice for this mess?


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Old 06-08-2004, 05:46 PM
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I am so sad to say that I never saw this thread/post until tonight.
I am that no one ever posted a response to you.

Your poor step-daughter...... to be treated like that by her own mother.

Can I ask, what is the situation with her now? Have things improved with her relationship with your DH?
Hook 'Em Horns!!!!
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Old 06-08-2004, 10:38 PM
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LOL, what a surprise it was to get an e-mail showing a response to my post tonight!

I am sorry to say that things never improved. "SD" had her baby, a boy, in January. DH never got a return call, and "SD" has made no attempt to contact him. We are in LA and "SD" is in MS, we are about 5 hours apart. IL's live about 2 miles from "SD" and were there when the baby was born and have seen him a couple of times. "SD" makes no effort to contact them either, but will see them if they call her.

We found out that BM had been letting "SD's" boyfriend live with her. After "SD" became PG, he gave her a promise ring, but they broke up soon afterward.

And once again there is nothing we can do.

TY for the reply.
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Old 06-09-2004, 04:33 AM
Abear's Avatar
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Originally posted by TLWE
We are in LA and "SD" is in MS, we are about 5 hours apart.
You live here in Louisiana??? What part???

I am sure once SD is out in her own, she will finally realize what her mother put her through and then will make contact with your family.
Hook 'Em Horns!!!!
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Old 06-09-2004, 07:58 AM
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Check your PM's
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Old 09-08-2016, 01:13 AM
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