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Step-Parenting Ask other step-parents your questions about being a step mom.

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Old 03-25-2003, 07:28 AM
Mars's Avatar
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Ottawa, ON
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My husband and I lived together for 9 years before we were married. We have primary residency of his kids. Since his daughter turned teenager, we have been having alot of problems. She informed us last night she hates me and never did like me. I am not totally innocent in everything that has happened, but right now I want to get through this and work everything out. I don't know if that is even possible anymore.

What can we do? My husband thinks we should just stay out of each others way.
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Old 03-25-2003, 07:31 AM
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First of all, welcome to the Family at Family Corner.

What age is this girl?

My son is 14 and he is MY son and tells me sometimes he hates me.

Take her out shopping and a dessert or meal and have a heart to heart with her asking her why she feels this way and ask her what you both can do to make the relationship work.

All else fails email Dr. Phil
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Old 03-26-2003, 08:32 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Missouri
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While I am not a step parent I do have a preteen dd and it is their job to "hate" you and try to push you away. It is normal. I have found that I have to get in her business more than ever! She CANNOT stand that. Also she hates me for 5mins, then after awhile when she realizes she cannot get away with "whatever" and then she tries to suck up. It is a neverending cycle. Try not to take it so personal and realize she is hormonal and go with that.
Good Luck
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Old 03-26-2003, 08:43 AM
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Mars grab hold of something, hang on tight and get ready for a bumpy ride. This is NORMAL! My oldest dd is now 29 but when she was a teen we went through the same thing with her dd, who adopted her and her middle sister after we married. She was 8 yo when we married and she adored him until she hit her teens when all heck broke loose. There is more to the story that I won't get into here but we did weather it finally. Once she hit about 19 she realized just what a jewel she has in her dad and has treated him respectfully since.

Thnkfully our other 2 dd's never went through this awful phase but their temperaments are completely different. They are both much more laid back.

You have my sympathy but this too shall pass. Try not to take it personally and forgive her. You almost certainly will have a good relationship again. She just has to get through the tumultuous teen years. BTW I am NOT saying let her walk all over you--no way. Just try to be forgiving when she does,

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Old 04-03-2003, 09:32 PM
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Location: Metairie, LA
Posts: 184

Try to show the girl that you truly love her (if that is true!). Rena said a mouthful!! Go back and read it. Also, if her grades start failing too, you're going to have to stay on her back and make sure the child's not on drugs. You hear of 7 year olds starting to drink or smoke and do drugs everyday on the TV & in the papers. Just mind her business as, I believe, every mother should do! My 2 DD's & 1 DS turned out fine and they went thru the "trying years"! Best of luck to you!!
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most!
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