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Step-Parenting Ask other step-parents your questions about being a step mom.

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Old 01-09-2003, 05:21 PM
luvmylittleones's Avatar
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Question Who Should Go? Her or Me?

My boyfriend and I have been living together for 6 months now. During those six months, We take complete care of my four year old daughter, and his four year old son. My daughter sees her dad on a regular basis, that is not an issue. But my boyfriend's ex only sees her son, maybe for a few hours every few weeks. I take care of him, feed him, put him to bed, hang up the drawings from school, take him to school, and pick him up and bring him home when his dad is working. *he works 24 hour shifts*. I get "I love you" and hugs and kisses at bedtime. I was pretty stressed a few weeks ago when parent teacher conferences came for him. My boyfriend picked up his ex who isn't able to drive, and took her to the conference. Yes SHE IS his mom, by title, but I am the one providing care for him daily. Isn't it more important for me to know what the teacher is saying, or am I just being selfish? Please help because I have to deal with this again soon. Second hand information just isn't good enough for me when it is important information leading to the well being of a child.
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Old 01-09-2003, 07:02 PM
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To keep peace within your family, I think you should talk to your boyfriend and tell him exactly how you feel about the situation. So that no one is left out, why cant the 3 of you go to the meetings? If there are differences among you, surely they could be put aside long that long for the goodness of the little boy.

I bet he would love to know that all of you are going to those meetings for him--well, maybe not depending on the subjects --but in the long run, I bet it will make a big difference to him.

Sometimes men just dont get it---it has to be laid out in plain English to them before they can see the whole picture.

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Old 01-09-2003, 07:24 PM
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I agree, if you do everything for him, I'm sure you have to help with the homework. Why can't you go with the other 2? I'm sure the teacher/s would like your input of how he studies at home. I know I am the main helper of homework for my stepson and all his teachers come to me if they think he needs to bring up grades. Good luck!

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Old 01-19-2003, 03:11 AM
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Its important for all involve to go. But check with your local school district. Ours State that the Step-parent cannot sign or go to conferences or be contacted unless the legal guardian is present or gives permission. Just keep being there for him and he will realize as the years and time goes by who was & is there for him. Just keep up the good work.
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Old 03-23-2004, 01:19 PM
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I am a BM and I attend the conferences with my ex and ONLY my ex. I do not get along with SM ..that is another day for a very long thread. She cannot sign papers nor does she make any decisions regarding my two boys. Therefore she does not go. My DH doesn't go either and that is the way it should be.

You are not even married to him so legally not the step mom. I think you should concentrate on getting married. Right now you are acting as a babysitter.

I am sorry if I offend anyone but that is just the simple truth.
Terry Miller
DH Greg, DS Kevin (11), DS Ryan (9), DD Kelly (11 months)
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Old 03-23-2004, 01:22 PM
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If there are issues regarding the fact that the ex and you can't tolerate being in the same room together, perhaps there could be a follow up conference with your boyfriend and the teacher? I know it's not necessarily the most feasible choice, but a option?
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Old 02-04-2007, 04:34 PM
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I can totally understand why you would be angry. I am a step-mom of three children with two different mothers. The oldest two who share a mom don't have much to do with her. I am the one who helps with homework, takes them to doctors appointments, shopping, and anything else a mom should do. I also have the authority to take my step-children out of school or call in when they are sick or talk to teachers about how they are doing in school. I go to any concert, event, conference, open house, and anything in between. I am capable of being civil to the biological mother because it is whats best for the children. Everyone (Mom, Dad, step-mom, Step-dad, or any other guardian figure) should show an united front for the kids sake or else they will play you against each other and then you are really in trouble. Although you are not Step-mom yet, you will be and you are involved in raising this little boy so talk to your boyfriend about things now. Tell him how you feel and what you expect out of him and your family.
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Old 05-20-2007, 05:31 AM
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I am living with my boyfriend. I have a daughter he has a son. When there are conferences regarding the children, he goes for his son and I go for my daughter. He doesn't normally involve the biological mother but I do involve my child's biological father. He is part of her life and we make schooling decisions together. If my boyfriend and I were married I can't put him above my daughter's biological father regarding major issues with her, we do share custody. and certainly it would not work if they were in the room together regarding major issues. I feel the boyfriend or pseduo SF has to step aside in those issues and hear info 2nd hand. Just like I step aside as pseudo SM and hear the info.
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Old 02-14-2008, 05:03 AM
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Happy face

I have a child from a previous relationship. I don't ask her father to go to any meetings at the school. Her step father is invovled in her schooling. My daughter's father never showed any interests nor did he bother. My daughter looks up to her step father and is glad that he is part of her life.

Now I am a step mom of a 12 yr old girl. Now I don't go to the meetings nor does my dh, but that is not his choice as he never finds out. I tell him he should be invovled as he his with my daughter. We do read her report card and we do discuss what was in it. I get angry when I see how many times she has been sick and late. I do tell dh that is not exceptable and we talk to his daughter together about the issue. I don't talk to her mom as she does not like what I do have to say, so that is her lost. My step daughter and I had many problems in the past and now we are good friends.
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