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MommaMia 05-10-2008 06:32 AM

Need some advice...
Since my problems seem to fall in all the posts, I thought it would be easier to start a new one.

First, I'm a stepmother to two girls ages 8 & 9, whom we get EOWE. The children's mom is an extremely difficult person to deal with as she can never keep her own emotions in check which always causes problems.

Well there are tons of little things going on... because their mother talks about their dad being such a horrible person, they treat him awfully. The have do respect for him, myself, or anyone else. For sometime they were actually calling their father by his legal name b/c that is what their mother wanted. BTW, their mother is now married and insists they call their stepfather "dad".

Recently the children were upset b/c they wanted to make gifts for their mom to give her on Mother's Day. We didn't have a problem with it and offered to buy them the supplies they needed, but they wouldn't do it. According to the kids they can't take their mom anything from our house or else she will get angry. THIS is a huge problem that their mother carries everything over into. For example, she has made them wear the exact same clothing (down to socks and underwear) for every visit to our house for over a year now. Doesn't matter the weather, or if we're going somewhere, she dresses them up like they're orphans.

Well more and more lately the children are getting upset and having mini-melt downs b/c they're so afraid of making their mother angry at them, which she automatically is anytime they're with us.

What do we do? How can we get them to stop being so concerned about what their mother thinks?

She's still being vindictive towards my hubby b/c he wouldn't stay with her. In fact, we just recently found out from the kids that their mother discussed their whole "beraking" up with them, which we don't feel is appropriate at all! Especially seeing that their mother lied and more or less told them their father didn't stick around b/c of them, rather than the truth was their mother left her kids with him while she was out cheating with him with her first kids dad, whom she also will not allow to see his daughter!

The whole thing is a mess, but the children are paying dearly for it as they are nowhere close to being the typical 8 & 9 year olds. I know this sounds mean, but they have NO common sense, no manners, no respect... their little skin covered shells that spend all their time worrying about what will tick their mom off and when they're not doing that their raising themselves and their younger siblings. Their mother has them do everything around the house, raise the other kids, cook for themselves and they were even getting up early for school when their mom was working to help her get ready and take care of the babies!

Anyway, their mother is a huge PITA. They have more court orders than I care to count with more coming along, but she NEVER follows anything the courts tell her to. She NEVER speaks to my husband. NEVER tells him anything that is going on with their health, school, etc.

Over the course of the last few years she has alienated not only the children from their father, but all the professionals associtaed with the kids too (doctors, teachers, etc).

Anyone have any advice on how to handle this situation? The children spend all their time with us wondering if their mother would approve of what they're doing, wearing, eating... out of the two and a half days we see them every month it is completely miserable. The oldest is so bossy I'm amazed the youngest hasn't knocked her out by now! Their so rude I can't even begin to start on that and don't even get me started on their eating habits because they have even less manners there!

What can I do? What can we do?

I'm at my wits end b/c their mother has them so screwed up already that it's disgusting and I'm afraid it is only going to continue to get worse!

Please help, any advice is welcome and my apologies for this being so long!

Thanks in advance to those who reply!

barbszy 05-10-2008 07:40 AM

Is there any kind of "mediation" system where everyone would get together in a room (supervised by the courts) and air all this out?

MommaMia 05-10-2008 04:56 PM

They have something set up for this coming week, however it is in front of their caseworker who's already announced that she doesn't like my husband "because he files complaints". Apparently those who work for the courts and it's agencies don't like having to do the job they applied for.

Getting the kids mom to agree to something isn't a problem as she will agree to anything under the sun one minute, the next is a completely different story. She just says what everyone wants to hear than goes right back to being a PITA. lol

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