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Step-Parenting Ask other step-parents your questions about being a step mom.

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Old 05-07-2007, 11:47 AM
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Hello, youngen step mom to be

Ok i need some advice on what to do. I am 24 and my significant other has a three year old son. We have been together for almost a year now and planning on finding a house along with some other plans together. He recently settled a visitation schedual with his son's mother. My problem is Dave's mom. See Dave gets the baby every other weekend from saturday night to monday night. Then on the off weeks he gets him all monday. Well When he got the schedual his mom told him its not enough and he was "screwed" When collin comes over dave's mom will snatch the baby and not let him go. Dave cant get any time with his son until monday when his mom is at work. She encourages screaming fits with the baby when collin is testing the waters and dave doesnt like that. When dave told her not to do that she grunted in a way to say "who are you to tell me?" She sleeps with the baby at night and dave want him to sleep in the room upstairs that was designated to Collin. Then when the baby goes home for the week, she complains that dave doenst spend enough time with him and isn't a good father and rants to no end. He is a new father so i thought since i have raised kids in the family and have great nanny skills to guide and suggest ideas to dave to help him in his new "green daddy area". Well now it feels like things are worse and the mom resents me for it. Towards the end of the night the baby would hop on my lap and his grandpa brought his pj's over. as the baby yawned i asked dave if he wanted to change him so Dave did and then I picked out a few books and dave went into the room on the bed to read. The grandparents were walking around the house upset and bothered. Normally the grandparents watch two movies until the baby falls asleep (at 11-12 at night). They wanted dave to be more active and when he is they get mad. HELP I'm getting frustrated towards Dave's mom. Dave says he really enjoys the guidance because his x never taught him or gave him a chance when they were together and he was raised as an only child and didnt have any experience and his mom just tells him what he's doing wrong. [edited by moderator to remove email address. Please don't post email addresses on the boards. Members can send you a private message or email through our site. If you have questions, contact barbszy.]
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Old 05-07-2007, 12:34 PM
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I think that this problem will just continue until Dave no longer lives with his parents.
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Old 05-07-2007, 09:44 PM
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Hi Ladycrimson...I agree with Barbszy..as long as Dave is living with his parents,his mother is going to keep doing what she has been doing...Dave needs to tell her that Collin is his son not hers...and he needs to stand by that...I wish you all the best and hope it all works out for you...Hugs
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Old 05-08-2007, 06:03 PM
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Thats what i was wondering, Dave is looking for a house to rent. Thanks
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Old 05-09-2007, 02:30 AM
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Just be sure you set boundaries with his parents. They don't get a key "for emergencies" or they will be there 24/7.
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Old 05-09-2007, 06:25 AM
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I agrere with Barbszy and Buddy Beanie Baby - Dave has to tell his parents whose child it is, they can either accept his authority over Colin or miss out on time once Dve is in his own place.

All the best to you.
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Old 05-09-2007, 12:09 PM
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Have you been living with Dave in his Moms house long?
Watch out what you say to Dave about his Mom. He might resent your criticism and they will turn on you. Since he is an only child he might never leave home.
Enjoy your time with Dave now that you can. Take some time to socialize with other couples that have young children so Dave can learn from them how to raise young ones.
Go out together alone and let the Grandparents look after his son at night.
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Old 05-10-2007, 02:35 AM
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Good point Barbszy about the key...you are so right on that one...hubby gave his mother a key for "emergencies" and by the end of the week everyone else had a key and were there 24/7...Good Luck and all the best to you...Hugs
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Old 05-10-2007, 05:12 AM
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on the key..if they ask for one then tell them you also want one for their house..my SIL gave his parents a key and she proceeded to make one for his sister..yet neither has offered a key to their homes to him...to say my DD was upset is putting it mildly...
the girls are right you need to get him away from his parents without knocking them to him..he will become defensive of his Mom and you will end up being the outsider...blood is thicker than water...and he will agree and say things about his Mom's behavior but won't want to hear it from anyone else..
good luck...
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Old 05-12-2007, 08:46 AM
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I agree LadyCrimson with all Barbszy, Jrzytom etc have said. Especially the key part and letting them know Colin is NOT their son but their g-son. Been down a couple of those roads and they are bumpy.

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