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Step-Parenting Ask other step-parents your questions about being a step mom.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 09-22-2005, 06:02 PM
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A tough one to be sure, but how do the kids act with thier mother before they come to stay with you? Do you have any insight to that and maybe you can find a way to combat their problems at your place if you have a little insight.
The best information I was given by an older friend of mine when I had kids was pick your battles. (if you're going to put a problem out there make sure it's a problem worthy of the ensuing battle).
On the whole my kids (not step kids though) are pretty good. They have their moments, 90% of the time they clean up their lolly wrappers, crumbs and cups but sometimes the other 10% isn't worth the hassel of my nagging, I just do it. I'm lucky my hubby and I discuss everything even our maybe mistakes, maybe good things, you DO need a united front.
I can agree with a good majority of points of view already said, as what works for some doesn't work for others. I have actually sat my eldest down (the first girlfriend woes LOL) and said 'hey I'm new at this scenario to, so if I seem to ask silly questions or do silly things I've never had to deal with this so make sure you talk to me we'll work on it', so far he's been very tolerant of my views or percieved problems.
I think you also are worthy of respect by all in your family, step kids or not raising a family is a hard but rewarding job.
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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 09-25-2005, 02:23 PM
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Step kids.....

I was a step parent...I feel for ya. You are fighting a never ending battle. I divorced my husband, as he let his kids steal from me, lie to me, he made me the heavy all the time, because he felt guilty.
I would just let stuff lie. He has shown you he isn't gonna make his kids do what you ask of them. If it bothers HIM, he will pick it up. Don't make yourself crazy, just live a good life, make sure he is the one you want to have more kids with, because he will NEVER side with you against them. They can manipulate him against you, blood is thicker than a marriage license. GOOD LUCK!
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Old 10-02-2005, 11:58 AM
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yeah he does get one them, i guess it just takes a while after i get on him about it. and then hes just so easy going about it.
guess who got the 12 year old not to pee on the toilet seat? only took me a couple weeks, by making him clean it up & spray clean it.
had i left it up to him, it would have taken forever.
then last night oine of them told him i yelled at them & said i would deflate the ball they kept throwing in the house.
and i swear i did not ya'll, didnt even raise my voice, was actually pretty calm & nice about it!!!! i was soo mad . told him that is why i dont want to do stuff with them. me & the one that said i yelled at her, we had a great time earlier in the day laughing & joking.
SO whatever, i am getting used to it. and my husband is getting a little better, slowly but surely! ( hopefully)
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Old 10-02-2005, 12:00 PM
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yeah, i am beginning to think their mother is having a bit of influence on some of their actions!but i really do love my husband and think he will get better as he sees what it is doing to me,
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Old 10-02-2005, 12:02 PM
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i think they take advantage of me. and i dont think their mother puts up with this stuff. but i really dont know.
and i know i need to pick my battles, which i have not been doing. i gripe about it all, or else i let it build up & it gets really bad.
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  #26 (permalink)  
Old 10-04-2005, 04:34 PM
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step kids

Now the 11 year old, wrote her dad a note.
telling him i yelled at them and threatened to deflate HER ball.
I NEVER ONCE YELLED< I didnt even raise my voice at them. but on the third time < Yes i did SAY i would deflate the ball.
and guess what ?
she didnt even get in trouble for lying about saying i yelled at them, (she has a habit of making up stories.
i am fed up. its to the point i dont even want to be around them
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Old 10-05-2005, 09:13 PM
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What2do, I personally would sit down with DH and have an open and frank family discussion about how this is affecting you personally. He might need to see the whole picture as to how this is going to affect the family, the marriage, and his children and their relationships on a long term level. Have you considered counseling? I would try to bet both you and your DH in therapy. However, if he will not go, go for yourself. Many churches offer free counseling. If you live in a large enough town, there may even be support groups for this very type of thing. I know that you are not alone in dealing with this.


I sure hope things get better for you! I can honestly feel your frustration and overwhelming since of being "fedup" clear over here where I live. Good luck!
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  #28 (permalink)  
Old 10-06-2005, 07:30 AM
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he probably wouldnt go to counseling till it got really bad.

i try to see his point of view. his Ex has custody, so if they complain to her about anything , She will limit their visits. As it is now they are with us half the month. and sadly, we dont have the money to fight her.

i may try the counseling myself though,.
thanks
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Old 11-01-2014, 10:29 AM
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I recall my kids leaving balloons scattered all over the house one day, and if I had asked them nicely to "please gather up their balloons", once, I asked them a dozen times, all to no avail.

Anyhow, as the day progressed the balloons continued to sit, that was until I lit a cigarette. Then, methodically and with authority, I made my rounds from room-to-room, popping every single balloon I found in sight with my cigarette, and when I was done I reminded the kids, "the next time I ask you to put your balloons away, you'll put them away".
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