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Step-Parenting Ask other step-parents your questions about being a step mom.

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Old 04-19-2002, 06:19 AM
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Step Grandparenting

Hi all, yesterday I became the Step Grandparent of a 7 year old boy.

Any suggestions or advice?

TIA
Scooby
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Old 04-21-2002, 11:05 AM
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Hi Scooby

Do you mean you are his grandparent or his main caregiver? Is he living with you? Just trying to narrow it down a bit so we can seek some advice from our readers!
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Old 04-21-2002, 11:10 AM
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OOOOPs, sorry no he lives with my DD and his Dad. Together they have my 2 year old DGD. I just want to make sure that I don't over or under do the Gramma thing with him.
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Old 04-21-2002, 12:14 PM
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Great! We'll get some answers for you!
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Old 04-21-2002, 12:31 PM
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Congratulations!

Dear Step Grandparent,

Congratulations on your new members of the family! I would first like to extend my hand to you in thanks. Thank you for considering this child as part of your life, and family. You would be so surprised at how many will not.

Please do not feel concerned about "over-doing" the granparent role with respect to grandchildren. Please know that stepchildren need to feel included physically, emotionally etc. They will appreciate your love and gestures to make them feel included. My parents are also step grandparents and they do an absolutely fabulous job of it. They've been stepgrandparents for seven years now. My stepchildren love them and think of them as part of their family - no questions asked.

Please treat them with as much kindness, and possibly exasperation that you would with any biological grandchildren. Do not treat them better, or different, just as any other family member. Your son in law will be so grateful, as will your daughter.

The relationship between stepgrandparent and stepgrandchild can really be crucial within the family, and your daughter's marriage. I have heard many stepparents voice their concern over stepgrandparents who ignore children, or just exclude them completely. it's very harmful to not only the child, but the marriage as it puts the stepgrandparents own married child in a difficult spot. They are basically forced to take a stand, and the results are never pretty. It can cause dissention within the marriage, among in-laws, etc.

I wish more stepgrandparents would be as considerate as you have been.
Thank you for contributing to this blended families future success!

Susan Wilkins
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Old 04-22-2002, 04:17 AM
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Thank you both so much! I just wanted to be sure of how to or not to treat him. You have explained it beautifully.

Thank you,
Scooby
Gramma to 7 yr. old Chaz Alexander and 2 yr. old Kylie Rene
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Old 03-02-2013, 09:32 AM
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Dear Tia /Scooby,
Congratz on your newest family members!
Trust me as a step-grandparent there is no way you could ever over do being a GRANDPARENT to this child! I am not a grandparent, but I am one of the living grand-daughters of a GRANDMOTHER who was my (adopted) mom's step-mom. She was one of my favorites b/c she also wasn't "blood" related, but was part of my family before I was, AND because she never ever behaved / treated my sister (her spouses blood grandchild) and I differently - she reprimanded us both; she made doll clothes for both of us; she made clothes for both of us; she bought us both gifts when she couldn't make the gifts for our birthday's and holiday's... the only time she did treat us differently wasn't to be mean, or forgetful, but my Birthday gift was never on time... it came in May when I was adopted, instead of January when I was born. So that is one piece of information you may want to clarify with your grandchild's parents...it is a sensitive spot for me, b/c my parents and I tried to explain in a nice way that it was January, but sometimes you just can't win w/elders (no offense to anyone)... To this day, I see my grandmothers smile whenever I recall something I still have that she made for me /DH, and when I review pictures of her being a part of my life. She's been gone now since the early 2000's, but she has and ALWAYS will be one of my favorite grandparents
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Old 03-16-2013, 11:20 AM
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this topic went back a few years. SO I wonder if she is still with us.
to any step grandparents I would strongly suggest to let the child find that comfortable name to call you or if they need some suggestions then give them some but allow them to pick or come up with one.. This way you are alloowing them to accept you instead of a force acceptest.
Be involved with their lives as much as possible to allow the child know you do care, do not treat them different, allow them to know you love them and accept them.
Don't force them to stay with you if they are uncomfortable, as you do not know what has gone on in thier lives. Find out as much as you can about the child likes, etc.

reasure them often, and in case they are close to other grandparents allow them to know you do not want to take them from the other grandparents but to be part of thier lives and them yours.

Enjoy the new grandchild as your life just expanded one step more and brigher.

I am a step grandparent don't get to see them any longer really due to my husband's death in 09 but in my heart they will always remain a part of my life..
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Old 03-17-2013, 11:47 AM
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My first grandchild is my step-daughters child. Although we are not connected by blood, we are very much connected by heart. Of the three grandmothers she has, I am her favorite. That dgd who is now almost 19 has had my heart from the day she was born and always will. I also have a dgd adopted from China; same relationship as the first. I am very fortunate to have a total of five grands that I think the absolute world of. They are all my favorites in one way or another.
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Old 10-28-2013, 01:06 PM
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I have 2 step grand daughters but the word
step is not used in our family. They are as much loved as
all my bio grands. Years ago the oldest one of those
2 I overheard telling another young girl, "that's my Granny
she lives in VA" I get pix of them often they are in MD.
Their Dad (my step son) has Chrones
Disease
and does not get down here often. But we are close and
always will be. God has been good to me giving me
these wonderful children
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