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Old 10-16-2007, 05:01 AM
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Sad face Girls won't let my son play

Hi,
I'm not sure where to post this, but since I stay at home with my 2 boys, I'll post it here.
I have been going out to play dates with some other Moms and my oldest son isn't getting along well with the other kids. There are are usually a couple girls from his class and while they are playing I keep seeing my son sitting alone in a corner. So I asked him and he told me that they won't let him play with him. They tell him it is for girls only and he can't play. So he gets hurt and sits by himself. I told him to play with something with one of the younger kids or to come and sit with us at the table.
I don't know what else to tell him. I need some advice on how I should handle this for next time!
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Old 10-16-2007, 07:35 AM
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I want to ask you a few things so we can get a better feel for the situation:
Are these play dates in someone's home or in a public place?
How old is your son and the children who are excluding him?
Have you or any of the other moms stepped in to stop this behavior?

I would definitely say that if you are in a public place (park, restaurant, whatever) that these girls don't get to take ownership of a certain spot. You are within your rights to go over there and tell them that "this is for everyone to play with" loudly enough so that their parents hear.

If the other parents aren't willing to take action when a child is excluded, then you might want to find another playgroup.
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Old 10-16-2007, 04:01 PM
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Hi,
So far it has always been at another Mom's house. All three of them are 5 years old, and I don't think the other Mom's have noticed. I just saw my son sitting alone in the corner looking upset so I went to talk to him and he told me that the girls won't play with him. He told me they said they want to play with girls only and it made him sad.
I'm thinking that next time I will tell the girls' Mom's and hopefully they will talk to their daughters. I'm just not used to social situations and I don't want to offend anyone.
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Old 10-17-2007, 03:51 AM
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Aurora, I will tell you right now--girls in groups of 3 are BAD NEWS. I have seen it over and over again. Girls have to be in even-numbered bunches, because they pair off and the odd child is left out. If there is one boy, the girls will automatically band together. And these can be the nicest girls on earth--but it's just the way girls are.

Boys, on the other hand, easily play in a herd. The more the merrier!

I would definitely involve the other moms, especially the one who is hosting the play group. And maybe bring along a board game that 3 kids can play together--so they are starting off on an activity where they ALL join in.
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Old 10-19-2007, 08:02 AM
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I completely agree with Barb, girls pair up and leave the odd person out. If, after you talk to the other moms, things don't get better for your DS, do try another outlet for your DS to socialize. I'd hate for him to think all children are unfriendly. He will meet mean children, but since this is a small play group, you may be able to find another one that will have some children who would LOVE to include your DS. That way, he will have at least one child that he relates to.
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Old 10-19-2007, 08:05 AM
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I would find something that appeals to these girls and bring it along, like music, play doh, stamping supplies to make cards. Its hard to do since boys and girls are so different at times. My 5 year old girl will do lots of boy things, but when my son was 5, he did very little girl stuff, or made it masculine.
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Old 10-19-2007, 08:23 AM
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I agree with the rest of the group and would let them know that this is for everyone not just the girls and see how it goes
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Old 10-19-2007, 05:12 PM
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I agree with Barbzy, girls in threes are a bad situtation. Talk to the mom first and if that goes nowhere I think you should step in and ask why they are not playing with your son or a boy. Bullying must be stopped early and the girls need to know that is wrong. I know it will be diffucult with other parents but I would take the approach that they would not want their child left out
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Old 10-20-2007, 06:38 AM
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I might be tempted to do something nasty like have the playdate at my house with 2 other boys and one of the girls, and instruct the boys to ignore her. See how that goes and then go back to the regular routine to see if anything changes. I can be mean sometimes.
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Old 10-29-2007, 10:21 AM
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Thanks a lot for all of the help and advice, I really appreciate it. The play dates have been a lot easier.
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