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Old 08-04-2004, 02:15 PM
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We had an interesting topic come up at a party at our house this weekend.

Both DH and his brother work very hard at their jobs, and SIL and I are both SAHMs with 3 children.

DH was saying that he missed one of our youngest child's "famous firsts" just this weekend--not because he was working, because he was at a Boy Scout event with our oldest--but he still felt bad that he was not there for this "first."

BIL said (and I agree with this part) that it was OK to miss this "first" because he was doing something important with another child....BUT then he went on to say (here's the part I had trouble with) that DH's job is to make the money so I can stay home. And that it is not DH's job to participate in the "firsts."

Frankly I am glad that I have a DH that not only works hard so that I can stay home with our children but ALSO wants to be part of their lives and enjoy their special moments.

How do we respond to BIL's attitude, or do we just leave it alone and feel sorry for his family that his priorities are a little out of whack? It's not all about the money.
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Old 08-05-2004, 07:47 PM
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IMHO, any response should have been said at that time. I think it would cause hard feelings to go back and address the issue now.

I would just leave it alone and feel sorry for him & his children.

Now....I am curious....are you willing to let us in on what Luke mastered????
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Old 08-06-2004, 04:37 AM
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Luke peed on the potty.
Frankly, I thought that by this time DH wouldn't be so interested in someone peeing....but I was wrong!
It was a total accident though. I just let Luke sit on the potty so I could have 2 minutes peace to use "my" potty and then suddenly he stood up and said "WATER!" with this shocked look on his face

I'm sure the issue will come up again. This is not the first time. Because we had other guests (not family members) DH and I left it alone. But I think if it were "just us" he would have said something, and most likely would do so in the future.

For my part I made sure my DH knows that I appreciate so much that he does NOT think like his brother.
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Old 08-09-2004, 05:00 AM
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I think you would do more damage by bringing up the subject after the fact....but having said that - as parents, because of real life, sometimes the mom or the dad is going to miss a "first". The issue I do not think is whether you miss it or not, it is whether you are actively involved in your child's life. My husband and I have never gotten 'bent out of shape' because of him (or I) missing an event, but are thrilled that we both are active, involved and caring parents. It is not feasible or possible to have both parents present for every new thing a child does. Even when both parents have to work and a babysitter sees "a first" - why would someone mourn that? It is really great and exciting to see a first, but it wouldn't be something that I would lose sleep over.
Now, your b-i-l's opinon....depending on his (macho, uncaring?) attitude, he may have been out of line (and according to you, he was) but - when I was a SAHM, I was very thankful that my husband worked daily in order for me to be at home with our children. I thanked him regularly for that priviledge. Yes, there were some things that he missed, but we would wait until he came home and make a big deal and get our daughter "to do it again" and we would celebrate. the milestone.
I would say, "live your life, be an example and enjoy your children."
Actions speak louder than words. I know when we started raising a family, I looked around and patterned my parenting skills from friends that had DELIGHTFUL children - and I see now, being on the road for awhile, that other, younger parents are asking us questions about raising children. This is both a blessing and an encouragement to us.
******The power of our risen Jesus Christ can transform: My disposition (The way I act); My devotion (The things I love); and My destiny (Where I am going). Amen!*******

Last edited by Goria; 08-09-2004 at 05:04 AM.
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Old 08-10-2004, 12:12 AM
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I love to see my kids firsts and my hubby does to, I feel a little sorry that your BIL feels this way, he is missing out on so much. I think that although your hubby missed the first for this time that he was doing something important with your other child.

We and I have some of these issues with his DH bro usually towards their lack of dicipline.... we just let these things go, as it's not really worth the hassle it would bring to all family members to bring it up or take it further.

Your family will reap the benefits later in life.

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