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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 08-03-2004, 07:18 AM
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What do you think?

Stay tuned, I'll be right back.
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Old 08-03-2004, 07:21 AM
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Originally posted by OSI
Stay tuned, I'll be right back.

I bet you love leaving us in suspense!!!

Hook 'Em Horns!!!!
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  #3 (permalink)  
Old 08-03-2004, 07:34 AM
AnnaInOhio's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Ohio
Posts: 16,238
Stay At Home Mom's Versus Working Mom's


Lol! This article was posted in a different forum and we thought it would be better to put it here. it is. i hope this dont get me into too much hot water. i couldnt find a sah or work debate page. sorry.
have a good day

By Cheryl Gochnauer
[email protected]
Copyright 2004

Dear Homebuddies:

I've been an advocate for SAHMs and SAHDs since 1995,
and have enjoyed watching at-home parenting emerge over
the past decade as a strong, positive movement in
American (and worldwide) society.

Unfortunately, there are still people who are mired in
sexist and prejudicial mindsets, and you might be
surprised (or not) to find such anti-family rhetoric
coming from community leaders who should know better.

The following letter to the editor appeared in the
Austin American-Statesman newspaper on July 6, written
by Gretchen Ritter, the director of the Center for
Women's and Gender Studies at the University of Texas
and an associate professor of government and women

"'Well, I could have just stayed home and baked
cookies.' In the firestorm that followed her comment,
Hillary Rodham Clinton learned that you should never
deny the virtues of stay-at-home motherhood.

"Nowadays, the candidates' wives prove their maternal
merit by competing in a cookie cook-off every four
years. In the decade or so since this line was uttered,
women's rights advocates have grown silent on the topic
of motherhood. Few dare to criticize the new stay-at-
home mom movement recently discussed on this page in
the Austin American-Statesman.

"It is time to have an honest conversation about what
is lost when women stay home. In a nation devoted to
motherhood and apple pie, what could possibly be wrong
with staying home to care for your children?

"Several things, I think.

"It denies men the chance to be involved fathers. This
is a loss for them and a loss for their children. What
does it mean when fathers are denied the opportunity to
nurture their kids in ways that are as important as
their work? What do the children miss when they don't
have fathers changing their diapers, picking them up
from school, coaching soccer, making breakfast or
dinner and doing homework with them? On both sides, the
answer is too much.

"Women who stay at home also lose out - they lose a
chance to contribute as professionals and community
activists. Parenting is an important social
contribution. But we need women in medicine, law,
education, politics and the arts. It is not selfish to
want to give your talents to the broader community - it
is an important part of citizenship to do so, and it is
something we should expect of everyone.

"Full-time mothering is also bad for children. It
teaches them that the world is divided by gender. This
sends the wrong message to our sons and daughters. I do
not want our girls to grow up thinking they must marry
and have children to be successful, or that you can
only be a good mother if you give up your work.

"Nor do I want boys to think that caring for families
is women's work and making money is men's work. Our
sons and daughters should grow up thinking that raising
and providing for a family is a joint enterprise among
all the adults in the family.

"The new stay-at-home motherhood movement parallels the
movement to create the `perfect' child. It's not just
that mothers are home with their children; they are
engaged with their children constantly so they will
"develop" properly. Many middle-class parents demand
too much of their children. We enroll them in soccer,
religious classes, dance, art, piano, French lessons,
etc., placing them on the quest for continuous self-

"Many of these youngsters end up stressed out. Children
should think it is all right to just hang out and be
kids sometimes. They should learn that parents have
interests separate from their lives as parents. And we
should all learn that mothers are not fully responsible
for who their children become - so are fathers,
neighbors, friends, the extended family and children

"Finally, the stay-at-home mother movement is bad for
society. It tells employers that women who marry and
have children are at risk of withdrawing from their
careers, and that men who marry and have children will
remain fully focused on their careers, regardless of
family demands. Both lessons reinforce sex

"This movement also privileges certain kinds of
families, making it harder for others. The more stay-at-
home mothers there are, the more schools and libraries
will neglect the needs of working parents, and the more
professional mothers, single mothers, working-class
mothers and lesbian mothers will feel judged for their
failure to be in a traditional family and stay home
their children.

"By creating an expectation that mothers could and
should stay home, we lose sight of the fact that most
parents do work - and that they need affordable, high
quality child care, after-school enrichment programs
and family leave policies that allow mothers and
fathers to nurture their children without giving up

"Raising children is one of the most demanding and
rewarding of jobs. It is also a job that should be
shared, between parents and within communities, for the
sake of us all."

The following response is written by Cheryl Gochnauer,
a graduate of Central Missouri State University
specializing in Mass Communication and Speech
Communication, author of three parenting books,
hundreds of published articles, a featured guest on
scores of local and national radio/TV/online programs,
a respected source quoted in publications such as US
News & World Report and The Chicago Tribune, and
founder of Homebodies (, a popular
parenting website and email newsletter that originated
in 1995 and presently reaches more than 30,000
subscribers each week:

Dear Ms. Ritter:

You're nuts.

I suspect this may be a result of too little sugar in
your diet. If you like, I'll ask my readers to mail you
some homemade cookies at your university address, along
with their insights on why deciding to become a stay-at-
home mom is as valid a career choice as any other.


Mrs. Gochnauer
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Old 08-03-2004, 08:47 AM
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Im very happy being a sahm and the the good lord im able to do that and my kids love it to so i really dont care what thay say as long as my family is happy and taken care of just my 2 cents

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Old 08-03-2004, 09:01 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Ohio
Posts: 16,238
I say... if you can at all afford to stay home with your children, time goes bye so fast and whose values do you want them to have? Yours or the day care centers or babysitters? Little ones have big ears.

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Old 08-03-2004, 09:17 AM
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I don't think I could collect my thought enough to write Ms. Ritter. Some of her arguments didn't really even make sense & she is teaching college? Wow, that alone is frightening. It doesn't matter if it makes sense or if I have research to back up what I say, just agree with me. What percentage of child care workers are men? Kids are still getting the message that child care is womens work in & outside the home. My dh takes a large role in the kids care, so that doesn't fit her description either. And we are supposed to have babies thinking we deserve the communities help in raising them? First, I prefer to use my own judgment in raising my children & not that of very many others. Second, no wonder our goverment & private assistance programs are so overburdened. Wow. I hope I don't sound too negative. I know many families need both mom & dad working & I don't criticize that. I do feel so priviledged to be able to stay home. I think it has been great for my dss & ds. And for me to have worked I would only have made maybe $1 or $2 per hour after expenses. Not worth it at all. I guess I'll get off my rambling soap box. NEXT.....
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Old 08-03-2004, 04:07 PM
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I sent Ms. Ritter this article. I found it very interesting.

I reject your reality and substitute my own.
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Old 08-03-2004, 04:17 PM
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Mks, I think you should just e-mail what you wrote here. I agree with all of what you said. I don't know where the lady got her information but it is just silly.

I reject your reality and substitute my own.
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Old 08-03-2004, 05:19 PM
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First, let me say. It sounds to me that this woman is angry that
1. she has a really good paying job
2. she lived to her standard of living, and now can not stay home with her children, If she has any????? Due to expenses that she has run up for herself, due to that good income.

Next, let me say, some Moms stay at home due to income levels. Not just because they can afford to stay at home. But, because they can't afford to work. Daycare is a big cost.

Also, don't we teach our kids not to stereotype??? Isn't she basically saying that we teach our kids to think all this stuff is women's work?

Hey, my husband cooks breakfast, and he often cooks dinner over the weekends. Just because maybe her SO might not do this does not mean that other men are not. And dh, needed to pick the kids up from whereever he would do it.

Isn't there women that are not married with and without kids. Unmarried women with and without kids, that are working in all these forces that she mentione???

I am willing to bet that there are women here that have just put their career on hold while being a stay at home mom. Ummmm, putting career on hold to me would mean, ummmm, that they were previously working in one of those fields, and will most likely return to that field, when their children either start school or graduate highschool.

If you don't want to put your youngsters in all those activities, why do you??? Is it worth the stress. My kids choose not participate in lots of activies, and believe me they are very socialized, and realize that there are stay-at-home dads. Some kids have to go to daycare, some kids have to stay with grandparents, aunts uncles. I would have to say at least 50% of the daycare providers are in home daycares!! And as was stated earlier are women. And most likely are women who left a career to take up this new profession. Is daycare not a profession, I would have to say YES it is!!

Does this woman also realize that us stay-at-home moms, also need to see Drs., dentists, and what not. We can't take them with us all the time. Guess what someone is helping us to watch these kids while going to these appts. That means that we are sharing our kids with someone else. Not just keeping them to ourselves to raise.

Some women work because they want too, some work because they have to. Some are lucky enough to be able to stay at home to make cookies with their kids. And smile at that precious little face smiling at them with flour on their nose. Or as they sneak the cookie dough. I know I don't want someone else raising what I have created!!

A work at home mom, who when she looses her work at home job, will either try to stay a stay at home mom, or find work that will work with her child's school schedule, (Like working in a school cafteria, which by the way are mainly women)

Ok, now I will step off the soap box, and let someone else take the stand.

By the way, my dh, changed diapers, and believe he was never deprived of it, and never felt deprived. He also is very fluent in helping with homework.

The woman who brought forth all these issues is a little off her rocker!!

Last edited by mom2-4; 08-03-2004 at 05:23 PM.
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Old 08-03-2004, 05:24 PM
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Forgot to say, even my teen kids, don't want me to "go" to work.

My family is happy with me being at home, and that is all that matters.
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