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Old 10-13-2010, 10:27 AM
leasmom's Avatar
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Location: Louisville, Ky
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Making Holidays Special???

I come from a very dysfunctional family that has unfortunately caused my only child, Lea, to grow up without having had normal family memories or experiences or dinners, get-together's...not in her lifetime. Its either one family member or none. Last year we were far away from family for Thanksgiving and Christmas and I did my best to make it a good holiday but Thanksgiving certainly came up short because we went to this church dinner where anyone without family could come and celebrate together. The food was horrible and unfamiliar and I believed we were mostly ignored the entire time...we figured we'd been better off having had something at home the next time. Christmas I made it more special but we still spent the entire time talking about how we couldn't wait to have family this year.

Well...we're not 2 hrs away from my mother and other family members and the person we were hoping to come, my mother decided she wasn't going to come for either holiday. Her reason is that she has no money...that isn't the real reason: My mother is a hoarder like on t.v. and she used to spend hundreds of dollars sometimes daily going to the thrift stores and buying clothes or to the dollar stores and literally spending hundreds on $1 store jewelry. She has one large storage, one smaller storage, one inside her senior apartment complex, and she started using her balcony as outdoor storage and the last time we saw her she wouldn't let us up in her apartment because she said it was packed and she couldn't clear it enough for me to come up there. She has inspections so I don't think its too out of control but she now has chosen to spend her money solely on buying stuff and has started lying about what she's doing because we're not around so she can buy and I won't see what she has bought. For example: I'm going to buy milk...I owe my friend money-(My mother would never borrow money from anyone), I can't afford it-(so not true) etc.

If I said this hasn't hurt me I'd be lying. She wanted to come to our new city and shop but when I asked her to come for Thanksgiving or Christmas she can't afford it. This has hurt Lea and I both but more so I think Lea because she's never had a family. She's never had where a family sits down and eats a holiday meal, she's never had a family spend time together and be in each other's presence...ever! I have a brother somewhere and my sister lives in Colorado with her family and like I said its either been the two of us together or one family member and no one else. So, how do I make this special for the two of us without feeling angry, hurt and sad myself??? How do I create a tradition for the two of us???

**OH, my mother is not one to accept help. She'd cut off communication first before she'd admit to having a problem or try to solve it so that's a lost cause.

P.S. If this is the wrong section, please move it. I don't know if it should be under single parents, therapy or holidays...thanks!!!

Last edited by leasmom; 10-13-2010 at 10:30 AM.
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