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View Poll Results: How do I deal with Nana?
Blow-up 0 0%
Ask politely for the 2nd time 12 85.71%
Have MY mom deal with her 2 14.29%
Have one of my friends say something 0 0%
Rub it in her face in front of her friends 0 0%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 14. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 12-08-2006, 12:43 AM
chelle's Avatar
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Angry Interfering Grandparents

I'm new to this stuff but the reason I am here is because I need advice about my in-laws. I'm 35,a single mother to a beautiful 5 year old. My daughters' father passed away suddenly from a massive heart attack one night when we were visiting friends, Hailee was almost 2. My mother-in-law is very accomodating and has been really wonderful when it has come to helping out. Recently her and her husband of 5 years had asked if we wanted to rent the house they are building on the property next to theirs, we agreed but are having to live in the apartment above the garage till it's finished(quite comfortable though). Now all sorts of problems are popping up! For one Hailee sometimes calls her "Mamma" instead of "Nanna". right in front of me and she does nothing to correct her. I addressed the issue but she still does nothing! Am I wrong to be extremely angry about this????? There is so much more but first things first..........
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Old 12-08-2006, 03:19 AM
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No. I don't think you are wrong to be angry. You may need to live in a different place to have a better relationship with your DD's grandmother. She may be feeling motherly since her son's death. Moving out and living elsewhere will empower you to be the mother and allow her to know her place as a grandmother.

Keep us posted. I hope everything works out.
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Old 12-08-2006, 08:27 AM
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My grandson has always called me Mama. He is 2 years old. He doesn't understand the difference. We tried to correct him but he just keeps calling me Mama so I gave up. I know in time he will call me Grammy but I think then I will miss him calling me Mama!! I would ask the grandmother to please correct her when she says mama instead of grandma. I know I enjoy when my GS calls me mama, it makes me feel close to him, luckily my daughter is not offended, she knows in time as he gets older he will know I am grandma.
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Old 12-08-2006, 08:29 AM
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I didn't vote since none of the choices was to just not move in. I would talk to the DD and tell her that Nana's name is not Mamma. Unless the grandmother is directly encouraging her, I would just work with the child. jmo
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Old 12-08-2006, 08:43 AM
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All my grandchildren have called me Momma at one time or another,now that they are older they call be either Nanny or Grandma.I really don't see anything wrong with it,maybe it is just me.

But moving away from your in-laws may be a good idea.As for your dd calling her grandma Momma,I remember when my grandkids were younger they couldn't say Grandma and it always came out as Momma,but eventually they started calling me grandma or nanny,and at one time my oldest grandson called me Ninny.

I agree with Debora,talk to your daughter and explain that Nana is Nana,or Grandma.But I wouldn't get into a screaming match with your mil over this,your child is your child and that is all that should really matter.I hope all works out for you and your little girl.

Take care
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Last edited by BuddyBeanieBaby; 12-08-2006 at 08:49 AM.
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Old 12-08-2006, 02:52 PM
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I didn't vote either because none of the ones seemed like the right one to me..Unless you intend to break all ties with your MIL then where you live shouldn't matter..I think that each time I would just correct your DD and let her know who is Mamma and who is Nanna...you could just gently tell her when she says the name what the right name is...eventually she will get it..
If you think your MIL is asking her to call her Mamma than I would tell your MIL she is confusing your DD and please have her call her Nanna....
My grandkids call me Grandma and my great grandkids call me Grandma Margaret..My granddaughter started that because they had maternal and paternal grandmothers plus 2 other great grandmothers..adding the first name left them less confused..
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Old 12-08-2006, 03:10 PM
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I didn't vote either.

My nephew called my mom "mommy" so she quickly nipped it in the bud by saying meemaw because it's easier for a child to say. My mother has been more of a mother to him than my sister has been.

If your mil is trying to take your 5 yo dd away from you I'd definitely say something again, blow up and find another place to live.

How is y'alls relationship both you and your dd and you and your mil? Are you wanting to start dating again? How long do you plan on staying where you are?

I'll check back with you later.

TTFN,
Shelley
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Old 12-09-2006, 04:43 PM
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I think a lot of it does depend on intention.

I have had children I taught call me "Mommy" on occasion. Not even children I was particularly close to....I guess they just felt comfy with me. On the same note, more than once one of my kids has called me by their teacher's name.

If your MIL is encouraging this, then it's a problem. If it's just something that comes out....I'd probably leave it alone or make a joke of it...maybe even flatter MIL a little like, "It must be because you look so young" and laugh it off.

It may be that your MIL is waiting for YOU to do the correcting here. She might be wanting to step back on this one and let you handle it. You say that your daughter does this "in front of you" so perhaps it's time for you to say to your DD, "Are you talking to me or Nanna?"
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Old 12-11-2006, 06:10 AM
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I'm sure you're upset, but I know when my dd's were younger they'd get confused and call other people Mama & Dada. My Mom would just gently correct them and say something like, My name is Grandma. I remember when I was little (and still to this day) my Mom would call me Ro-Mindy. My sister's name is Robin so her name would start to pop out & Mom would change it mid-name. Now that I have two dd's I find myself calling them by each other's name and sometimes I don't even realize I've done it. I also sometimes call the dog my kid's names or my kids the dog's name. My dh's grandma calls me by her other granddaughter's name - Wendy & Mindy are hard to keep straight. You just have to remember that she's little, she KNOWS you're her Mommy. This will be one of the little things that when she's older you'll look back on and remember and laugh about. If your MIL isn't encouraging your dd to call her Momma I would try not to worry about it. My MIL used to get upset when my dd's would call her by my Mom's name, but they weren't doing it to be mean, they're just learning so many new words and names that it's hard for them to keep it all straight. The next time your dd calls your MIL Momma in front of you just scoop her up, give her a giant squeeze, cover her face w/ kisses and say, "Hey goofy, I'm your Momma!" this will make her laugh and positive reinforcement is the best kind. Good luck!
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Old 12-12-2006, 03:24 PM
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Well that happened to me and my Mom with my DD . My mom told her no honey I'm Grandma not mommy. After a few times of hearing that it was Grandma . You might have to start the ball rolling by saying it to her Grandma not Mommy.
Please keep us up to date how it is going .
Good luck.
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