Spiritual Quips & Quotes

[hlfpntbl47]

God’s Voice Mail:

Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our
lives.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice
mail?
Imagine praying and hearing the following:

Thank you for calling heaven:
For English press 1
For Spanish press 2
For all other languages, press 3


Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for request

Press 2 for thanksgiving

Press 3 for complaints

Press 4 for all others

I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now.
However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it
was received.
Please stay on the line.
If you would like to speak to:
God, press 1

Jesus, press 2

Holy spirit, press 3


To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven press 5, then enter
his social security # followed by the pound sign.

(If you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial area code 666)

For reservations to heaven, please enter JOHN followed by the numbers, 3 16.

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, life and other planets,
please wait until you arrive in heaven for the specifics.

Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up
and
call again tomorrow.

The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.

If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact
your local pastor.

Thank you and have a heavenly day.

[BrotherPat]

HEAVEN'S ENTRANCE EXAM

A man dies and goes to heaven. Of course, St. Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, 'Here's how it works.

You need 100 points to make it into heaven.
You tell me all the good things you've done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was.

When you reach 100 points, you get in.'

'Okay,' the man says,
'I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart.'

'That's wonderful,' says St. Peter, 'that's worth three points!'
'Three points?' he says.

'Well, I attended church all my life and supported its ministry with my tithe and service.'
'Terrific!' says St. Peter. 'That's certainly worth a point.'
'One point?!!' '

I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for homeless veterans.'
'Fantastic, that's good for two more points,' he says.

'Two points!' the man cries. '
At this rate the only way I get into heaven is by the grace of God.

'Bingo, 100 points! Come on in!

Author Unknown…

[BrotherPat]

The Pickle Jar

The pickle jar, as far back as I can remember, sat beside the dresser in my parents' bedroom.
When he got ready for bed, Dad would empty his pockets and toss his coins into the jar. As they were dropped into the jar, they landed with a merry jingle when the jar was almost empty.
Then, the tones gradually muted to a dull thud as the jar filled. I used to squat on the floor in front of the jar and admire the copper and silver circles that glinted like a pirate's treasure when the sun poured through the bedroom window. When the jar was filled, Dad would sit at the kitchen table and roll the coins before taking them to the bank.

Taking the coins to the bank was always a big production. Stacked neatly in a small cardboard box, the coins were placed between Dad and me on the seat of his old truck. Each and every time, as we drove to the bank, Dad would look at me hopefully. "Those coins are going to keep you out of the textile mill, son. You're going to do better than me. This old mill town's not going to hold you back." Also, each and every time, as he slid the box of rolled coins across the counter at the bank toward the cashier, he would grin proudly and say, "These are for my son's college fund. He'll never work at the mill all his life like me."
We would always celebrate each deposit by stopping for an ice cream cone. I always got chocolate; Dad always got vanilla. When the clerk at the ice cream parlor handed Dad his change, he would show me the few coins nestled in his palm. "When we get home, we'll start filling the jar again." He always let me drop the first coins into the empty jar. As they rattled around with a brief, happy jingle, we grinned at each other. "You'll get to college on pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters," he said. "But you'll get there. I'll see to that."

The years passed, and I finished college and took a job in another town.

Once, while visiting my parents, I used the phone in their bedroom, and noticed that the pickle jar was gone. It had served its purpose and had been removed. A lump rose in my throat as I stared at the spot beside the dresser where the jar had always stood. My Dad was a man of few words, and never lectured me on the values of determination, perseverance, and faith. The pickle jar had taught me all these virtues far more eloquently than the most flowery of words could have done.

When I married, I told my wife Susan about the significant part the lowly pickle jar had played in my life as a boy. In my mind, it defined, more than anything else, how much my Dad had loved me. No matter how rough things got a home, Dad continued to doggedly drop his coins into the jar. Even the summer when Dad got laid off from the mill, and Mama had to serve dried beans several times a week, not a single dime was taken from the jar. To the contrary, as Dad looked across the table at me pouring catsup over my beans to make them more palatable, he became more determined than ever to make a way out for me. "When you finish college, Son," he told me, his eyes glistening, "you'll never have to eat beans again, unless you want to."
The first Christmas after our daughter Jessica was born, we spent the holiday with my parents. After dinner, Mom and Dad sat next to each other on the sofa, taking turns cuddling their first grandchild. Jessica began to whimper softly, and Susan took her from Dad's arms. "She probably needs to be changed," she said, carrying the baby into my parents' bedroom to diaper her.
When Susan came back into the living room, there was a strange mist in her eyes. She handed Jessica back to Dad before taking my hand and leading me into the room. "Look," she said softly, her eyes directing me to a spot on the floor beside the dresser. To my amazement, there, as if it had never been removed, stood the old pickle jar, the bottom already covered with coins. I walked over to the pickle jar, dug down into my pocket, and pulled out a fistful of coins. With a gamut of emotions choking me, I dropped the coins into the jar.
Then I looked up and saw that Dad, carrying Jessica, had slipped quietly into the room. Our eyes locked, and I knew he was feeling the same emotions I felt. Neither one of us could speak, but we knew nothing had to be said.

Courtesy of Life’s Adventures

[Abear]

Only God Knows

A poorly dressed lady with a look of defeat on her face,
walked into a grocery store. She approached the
owner of the store in a most humble manner and asked
if he would let her charge a few groceries. She softly
explained that her husband was very ill and unable to
work, they had seven children and they needed food.
The grocer scoffed at her and requested that she leave
his store.

Visualizing the family needs, she said: 'Please, sir! I will
bring you the money just as soon as I can." He told her
he could not give her credit, as she did not have a
charge account at his store.

Standing beside the counter was a customer who
overheard the conversation between the two. The
customer walked forward and told the grocer that he
would stand good for whatever she needed for her
family.

The grocer said in a very reluctant voice, "Do you have a
grocery list? She replied, "Yes sir"

"O.K." he said, "put your grocery list on the scales and
whatever your grocery list weighs, I will give you that
amount in groceries." She hesitated a moment with a
bowed head, then she reached into her purse and took
out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it. She
then laid the piece of paper on the scale carefully with
her head still bowed. The eyes of the grocer and the
customer showed amazement when the scales went
down and stayed down. The grocer, staring at the scales,
turned slowly to the customer and said begrudgingly, "I
can't believe it."

The customer smiled and the grocer started putting the
groceries on the other side of the scales.... The scale did
not balance so he continued to put more and more
groceries on them until the scales would hold no more.

The grocer stood there in utter disgust. Finally, he
grabbed the piece of paper from the scales and looked
at it with greater amazement. It was not a grocery list, it
was a prayer, which said:

"Dear Lord, you know my needs and I am leaving this in
your hands".

The grocer gave her the groceries that he had gathered
and stood in stunned silence. The lady thanked him and
left the store. The customer handed a fifty-dollar bill to
the grocer and said, "It was worth every penny of it."

Only God Knows how much a prayer weighs.

[Abear]

A Mother's Prayer
(Author Unknown)

"Precious Heavenly Father,

Give me patience when little hands
tug at me with their many demands.

Give me gentle hugging arms
to help protect them from rebellions harm.

Give me wisdom from above
to teach these little ones of Your love.

Give me strength, Your love not to spare
that they may obey and live under Your care.

Give me a spirit . . . quiet and meek
let my words show kindness as I speak.

Give me the ability to teach from the heart
to help my children learn Your Word from the start.

Give me the words You'd have me say
to teach my children how to pray.

Give me time, special moments to share
that they may know, "Mommy really does care."

Give me hands that work willingly
a steadfast example that I may be.

Give me courage to stand in Your might
to teach my little ones to always do right.

Give me boldness to do all these and more
that I may not be ashamed when I stand at Your door.

Thank You Father,

In Jesus Name I pray,

Amen."

[Abear]

On the Wings of a Prayer
(By Helen Steiner Rice)

Just close your eyes and open your heart,
And feel your worries and cares depart.
Just yield yourself to the Father above,
And let Him hold you secure in His love.

For life on earth grows more involved,
With endless problems that can't be solved.
But God only asks us to do our best,
Then He will take over and finish the rest.

So when you are tired, discouraged and blue,
There is always one door that is open to you.
And that is the door to The House of Prayer,
And you'll find God waiting to meet you there.

And The House of Prayer is no further away,
Than the quiet spot where you kneel and pray.
For the heart is a temple when God is there,
As we place ourselves in His loving care.

And He hears every prayer and answers each one,
When we Pray in His name - Thy will be done.
The burdens that seemed too heavy to bear,
Are lifted away on the wings of a prayer.

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy
laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon
you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in
heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For
my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30)

[Abear]

Hello God
(Author Unknown)

Hello God, I called tonight.
To talk a little while..
I need a friend who'll listen
To my anxiety and trial..
You see, I can't quite make it
Through a day just on my own...
I need your love to guide me,
So I'll never feel alone.
I want to ask you please to keep,
My family safe and sound.
Come and fill their lives with confidence
For whatever fate they're bound.
Give me faith, dear God, to face
Each hour throughout the day,
And not to worry over things
I can't change in any way.
I thank you God, for being home
And listening to my call,
For giving me such good advice
When I stumble and fall.
Your number, God, is the only one
That answers every time.
I never get a busy signal,
Never had to pay a dime.
So thank you, God, for listening
To my troubles and my sorrow.
Good night, God, I love You, too,
And I'll call again tomorrow!

[bar_bar]

someone one gave me this link to this site, I read couple of the poems and crying like a baby over them. I love spiritual poems, there fore I want to post to make sure to be a part of this thread.
Bro Pat and Nina thanks for the poems, and all others that I will be reading.
I love MY sw eet Savior and all that He has done, and by reading these kind of poems, it makes you think and to ponder and find that quite time to be with the LORD, or that is how I am.
I will be looking forward in reading the ones I havent and the ones that will come, and I will share some of mine own as time goes on.

again thanks for this site. looking forward in being one of the memeberr of this thread
to all a Very Merry Christmas and Happy new YEar.
there is a Christmas thread that has poems on it too.

this goes all yr long

[Abear]

New Year Prayer
by Helen Steiner Rice

God grant us this year a wider view,
So we see others' faults through the eyes of You.
Teach us to judge not with hasty tongue,
Neither the adult ... nor the young.

Give us patience and grace to endure
And a stronger faith so we feel secure.
Instead of remembering, help us forget
The irritations that caused us to fret.

Freely forgiving for some offense
And finding each day a rich recompense.
In offering a friendly, helping hand
And trying in all ways to understand;

That all of us whoever we are ...
Are trying to reach an unreachable star.
For the great and small ... the good and bad,
The young and old ... the sad and glad

Are asking today; Is life worth living?
The answer is only in, loving and giving.
For only Love can make man kind
And Kindness of Heart brings Peace of Mind.

By giving love, we can start this year
To lift the clouds of hate and fear.

[Lynette]

this thread! Wonderful and encouraging stories have been shared here. I have one that as soon as I find it I will post it but for now, I would like to share this short story.

The Cake
A teenage girl goes into the kitchen to talk with her mom, who is baking a cake. The young girl is having a very difficult time. She is failing algebra, her boyfriend just broke up with her and her best friend was moving far away!

Her mother looks thoughtfully at her and says, "Would you like a snack?" "Yeah, sure." came the reply. "What would you like? Some raw egg?" The young girl got a disgusted look on her face and said "NO!". Then her mother asked, "Well, how about some flour? Or maybe some baking soday?" The young girl again wrinkled up her nose and replied, "Mom, those things are gross!" to which came the reply, "Individually those things may taste gross, but together, when mixed right they create something that tastes wonderful. God works in the same way." The mother went on to say 'Although we may not understand God's ways or why He allows something to happen to us, He makes no mistakes. Each of life's moments that we go through is to refine and make us better."