Visit FamilyCorner.com for tons of seasonal ideas!
quick link - go to our home page quick link - kid's crafts, family fun, printables, etc quick link - sign up for our free newsletter quick link - holiday crafts, recipes and ideas quick link - gardening, organizing, saving money, decorating and more quick link - our FunBook is filled with lots of quick ideas, tips and crafts quick link - join our bustling community of friendly members


Go Back   FamilyCorner.com Forums > >

Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 05-27-2010, 01:45 AM
cat lover's Avatar
Head Moderator
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Taswell,Indiana
Posts: 8,054
Food & Diet: A touchy subject

I have a friend that is supposed to be watching what she eats for medical reasons and totally refuses to do so. The worst part of the situation is she lives for food! She goes out to eat all the time and always brings an extra order home.
She recently had a get together at her house that was a pitch in. She cooks a lot of food and gets upset when you don't eat it, even when you can't. Her answer is "just once won't hurt". And then she mentions about how so and so isn't any fun because they are always not taking part with friends and they are so picky about their food! It is like she tries to sabatoge everyone else's diet and gets upset when you lose weight. She is always talking about how healthy this dish is she cooked and etc, and nothing she cooks is healthy in any fashion. She makes her self believe it is healthy because of one ingredient she used or a method she tried.
With summer just starting she will be finding many ways to gather with food. How do you handle a situation like this without ruining a friendship?
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 05-27-2010, 05:36 PM
ajrsmom's Avatar
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Postaholic
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Originally from the Home of the only 6 times Super Bowl Champs!
Posts: 11,872
I would say to be honest with her--gently, of course. Explain to her that you love her get-togethers and all of the time that you get to spend with her and your other friends... but now, the only way that you can do that is if you watch your diet because of certain restrictions. Explain that you are very serious about eating healthy (low fat, low carb...etc) and that in your searches that you've found some terrific recipes that you can't wait to share.

If the two of you share the same concerns, maybe you could show her "the way" and suggest some recipes and cooking methods that you've picked up.

Good luck!
__________________


**
Visit my blogs **

Tami's Kitchen Table Talk

Simple, easy-to-cook family recipes
and lots of good conversation!

Join the Cookie Carnival!
On Hiatus

If you love baking cookies, join our group!





Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 08-13-2010, 11:33 AM
KSJEn6891's Avatar
Eight Year Member
FamilyCorner Junkie
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,098
Dealing w/friends and health problems

Quote:
Originally Posted by cat lover View Post
I have a friend that is supposed to be watching what she eats for medical reasons and totally refuses to do so. The worst part of the situation is she lives for food! She goes out to eat all the time and always brings an extra order home.
She recently had a get together at her house that was a pitch in. She cooks a lot of food and gets upset when you don't eat it, even when you can't. Her answer is "just once won't hurt". And then she mentions about how so and so isn't any fun because they are always not taking part with friends and they are so picky about their food! It is like she tries to sabatoge everyone else's diet and gets upset when you lose weight. She is always talking about how healthy this dish is she cooked and etc, and nothing she cooks is healthy in any fashion. She makes her self believe it is healthy because of one ingredient she used or a method she tried.
With summer just starting she will be finding many ways to gather with food. How do you handle a situation like this without ruining a friendship?
It's nice that she has a caring friend like you. Understand that anytime a good nature friend mentions something about what the other person should / shouldn't be doing with their own body though is similar to their parent(s) reprimanding them. So, when you want to share your concerns with your friend you might want to start by asking yourself some simple questions 1) How would I react if... 2) How would I want my friends to let me know they care in a non-nagging way 3) how would I want my friends / family to show that they care about me and my health concerns w/o being pushy about it? Once you can answer those questions for yourself, the better friend you will be when you do chat with her about your concerns. Like your friend I love food - especially chocolate, but due to health concerns I am not suppose to eat a lot of my favorite foods, cut back on carbs, exercise more, and read food labels more. I am not diabetic yet, but my being overweight makes me a good candidate - my health issues has more to do with my heart, but because of certain food allergies (peppers, not ground black, white rice, but not wheat and whole grains, shrimp, but not lobster, crab, salmon, and strawberries) finding balanced nutritional weight loosing foods can be difficult. Back to your friend, suggest to her that she goes on a treasure hunt with you, if she agrees, take her to the store and tell her that you are looking for labels with less than 25 carbs per serving, and about 2g total sugar per serving, and serving size recommendations. Also, there are a lot of cooking books / magazines for diabetics that are really tasty and have her skim through them - offer to buy one for her (subscription if you can otherwise just the one book / magazine). Then if you have time for "eating out" go to a place that is a "chain" like AppleBee's they have servings for weight watcher's based on pints, but a lot of the meals are healthy for diabetics too, and have small "taste" desserts known as shooters (not the alcoholic kind). Also if you have the time, do some serious walking with her two times a week. It just maybe that she needs someone on her side to do things with her and not just "talk to her" about them.
Another part of your conversation could be simply giving her a guilt free card that says the world would not be the same without her in it...and sign how can I be a better friend with you for the time we have left?
This will give her the option to choose life and tell you what she needs.

Good luck to you both

If it helps you any to get through to her how much she means to you...
I'm 42, my uncle (was only 50, and on insulin) passed away due to his lack of care with his Diabetic health issue, four (4) years ago - leaving his young adult son (lived in different state), and widowed (health riddled) 70 + y/o mother to live by herself (her S-D - my mom lives in GA, and at the time I was in CA attending college FT)... it wasn't until mid 2009 that she moved to WA to live w/her Sister and past away Dec 2009 due to Diabetes (and a broken heart).

This is your close personal affirmation that it can happen and does happen - and so many people will be lost w/out their charisma, their way of touching your life and the people that know them a certain way...they have so much to offer to not try
__________________
If you see someone in need of help and you can do something, then do something — that goes for people and animals. If you can help out, try. That’s what I hope people take away from this.” -Alex Scroggins
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 08-13-2010, 12:38 PM
cat lover's Avatar
Head Moderator
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Taswell,Indiana
Posts: 8,054
Everything you mention is exactly right,but..... I don't try to change her methods any longer on what she eats, but just let those go..... I learned a long time ago she isn't going to change no matter what is said and I can't control what she eats. Just is hard to listen to all she says her doctor tells her and then the next words out of her mouth is the doctors just don't know what they are talking about. She changes it all around to suit what she wants to eat at any given moment.

My biggest problem is when she has a gathering at her house and she insists on making most of the food. That is when she gets upset because someone (usually me) isn't eating all the food she has prepared. And then we all get the "eat it, once won't hurt you"! I have worked very hard to stay on the diet I have to be on for health reasons and yes once does hurt, but she WILL NOT understand that. I have tried to be busy and not attend those gatherings, but we have a very small group that gathers when we do and is impossible to not be there. She has even changed the gatherings around when we really are not going to be around so just not going because we are busy doesn't work either.

Her doctors are catching on to her because all the tests they are dong on her are showing them she is not following the "diet" they want her to follow. She has some serious medical issues and new ones are creeping up because just of her eating methods. Her sugar she takes now at home and somehow it is a machine that the doctor office hooks up to a computer to get her readings. They can see if she took it when she is supposed to and what the actual numbers are. Her readings are very high and she keeps telling me that machine just doesn't work right because she isn't eating things she shouldn't be. Then the next sentence is about the whole bag of candy she just ate! She refuses to understand just a little here and a little there does add up no matter what foods you are supposed to not be eating. Like I said I don't say anything about her methods any longer because it just doesn't work. And trying to help her only sets her off. She is supposed to be taking anti-depressents also but the bottles sit unopened so maybe that explains to you what I am dealing with and why she cannot be gotten through too. Just frustrating on my part, but no matter what I will stick to my "diet" and just am trying figure out how to deal with her when it comes to my methods of how I have to eat. So I'm still trying to figure that one out without ruining a friendship.

Last edited by cat lover; 08-13-2010 at 12:42 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 08-16-2010, 09:30 AM
Sammi1961's Avatar
Assistant Moderator
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Maine
Posts: 11,579
It is very hard to watch a friend go down a bad path and know there is nothing that you can do about it. It sounds like she is in total denial about the whole situation. Have the doctors ever said straight out to her, "If you continue to eat the way you are eating, you will die."? And I imagine if she got a second medical opinion the next doctor would say the same thing? Often people feel that they are being deprived if they are told they cannot eat certain foods etc. If she is diabetic, a diabetic cooking class might help so she can learn new ways of cooking that will make her feel less deprived. She may also push food on others to make herself feel better about her own unhealthy eating habits (sort of like, if I make you eat this too,then we are both being bad so i won't be the only one - misery loves company). I wish I had a solution for that aspect because I think all of us have come across someone like that from time to time. I especially don't understand your friend if she is pushing food on you are would cause you health problems if you eat them. A caring friend would be concerned for your health and want the best for you. You are right, even a little bit adds up.
__________________
“Before you speak, it is necessary for you to listen, for God speaks in the silence of the heart.”

[CENTER]~Mother Theresa
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 08-16-2010, 05:11 PM
Lifestar's Avatar
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Junkie
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: I'm in a New York State of Mind
Posts: 1,823
Well... she probably equates food with love, happiness, nurturing and friend/family ties. You can't change that in her. BUT when she starts pushing food on you, you can give her a hug, and tell her you KNOW she cares about you, and you appreciate her taking care of you and wanting you to feel full and happy and satisfied, but that you're not feeling hungry, only happy <3
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 08-18-2010, 02:42 AM
cat lover's Avatar
Head Moderator
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Taswell,Indiana
Posts: 8,054
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lifestar View Post
Well... she probably equates food with love, happiness, nurturing and friend/family ties. You can't change that in her. BUT when she starts pushing food on you, you can give her a hug, and tell her you KNOW she cares about you, and you appreciate her taking care of you and wanting you to feel full and happy and satisfied, but that you're not feeling hungry, only happy <3

Like this one, maybe....just maybe that would get throught to her. But... I bet only for the moment!
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 08-18-2010, 02:50 AM
cat lover's Avatar
Head Moderator
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Taswell,Indiana
Posts: 8,054
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sammi1961 View Post
It is very hard to watch a friend go down a bad path and know there is nothing that you can do about it. It sounds like she is in total denial about the whole situation. Have the doctors ever said straight out to her, "If you continue to eat the way you are eating, you will die."? And I imagine if she got a second medical opinion the next doctor would say the same thing?.

Her doctors have told her that already, so she changed doctors. Only thing there is that she doesn't have to pay a penny for any of it so she is limited on going to different ones. But the newest one she changed to is the one that is doing her sugar levels so she can't cheat. Also doing every test just about that there is to rule out it is just her not following the way she is supposed to be eating and not other issues. I guess she has that old attitude "it won't happen to me". I can't figure it out and gave up trying to. Like I said at this point I stick to mine and no one is going to make me cheat after I have tried so hard to stick to it. We just continue to try and avoid the gatherings with food. I have a new plan for that one, if we can't avoid the food time we are going to just try to show up late and maybe that will work.

Last edited by cat lover; 08-18-2010 at 07:55 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 08-18-2010, 04:51 AM
RobertaD's Avatar
Nine Year Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Ohio
Posts: 16,481
Sounds like she is a foodaholic and in need of an intervention.

Roberta
__________________
http://www.youravon.com/rdunaway
use code TAKE10 for 10% off your first direct delivery order in 2019 with me!
Reply With Quote
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 09-15-2010, 03:43 AM
cat lover's Avatar
Head Moderator
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Taswell,Indiana
Posts: 8,054
Here we go again...... she has scheduled another one! I may be busy that day and told her so, she said she could change the date around for us. I told her that would not be fair to others invited; just pick a date and go with it and we will be there or not according to what is going on with us then. Think that worked so far.
Something finally make her pay some attention to what she eats, but now that another gathering is in the works she already said she'll just eat whatever that day...go figure! I already told her DH and I could not and would not do that and of course I'm the spoil sport again already. Sorry for venting....just had to get that out! lol I would love to visit with the people so IF we are truly home then we may just show up really late and hopefully the food part will be over. She is starting it at noon so everyone can "snack" all afternoon before the "meal" at 3. We don't eat that early either. I'm not sure on the "host place" for this; she has invited several other people and it is being held at another's property not even her place. I'm not real sure these people want others at their place. It is their land they camp on as they live elsewhere and may not be thrilled about others being able to see what is all there since it is vacant most of the time. Maybe a stop will finally be in the works for another direction, who knows?
Reply With Quote
 
Reply

Related Topics
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
What's your monthly Food Budget? kimmyo Grocery Shopping 162 10-04-2017 01:14 PM
Crafts using baby food jars the-kard Crafty Corner 25 07-19-2015 04:31 AM
50 Ways to Never Waste Food happymomof4 Tightwad Tips 2 05-31-2015 06:30 AM
Food Storage For Beginners kimmyo Food Safety: Keeping Food Fresh 9 05-31-2015 06:27 AM
What Did You Do Frugal Today VIIII AnnaInOhio What Did You Do Frugal Today 1498 02-14-2005 09:59 AM



Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 08:59 AM.


Copyright © 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.

POPULAR AREAS OF FAMILYCORNER.COM

Our Family FunBook is packed full of ideas from parents just like you!

Our members say that they have never found a friendlier message board community than ours!

Our kid's craft section is filled with easy ideas for creative little minds.

We have tons of free printable coloring pages to keep your little ones happy.

We offer a wide variety of free newsletters delivered right to your inbox.

Our Household Hints & Tips have a wealth of information on cleaning, organizing, and more!
Go to the funbook Go to forums Go to kid's crafts Go to printables Go to newsletters Go to Hints & Tips

Home || Newsletters || Advertising || Terms of Use || Privacy || Services || Submissions || Contact Us || Media Opportunities || Link To Us || Shop || Feedback || Staff || e-Cards || Reminder Service



FamilyCorner.com® is sponsored in part by...




Visit our friends --> MomsMenu | Main Street Mom | She Knows | Baby University | Personal Fitness Zone | iChef.com

Copyright Notice | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use/Disclaimer