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Pregnancy & Birth Are you trying to conceive, or are you pregnant now? Share your stories, thoughts, and goals here!

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Old 05-21-2003, 05:50 PM
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How to prepare--way before even "trying?"

Im sorta very new to these forums, but you seem like a wonderful, friendly bunch, so I thought I might ask something Ive been thinking about alot lately.
What sort of things do you really need to have "done" before even trying to have a baby? What I mean by that is, my dh and I want to be fully prepared financially, physically and mentally before we start having kids- but the problem is-- what is "prepared?" I am 24, he is 23. We will be graduating from college next spring. We both currently have decent paying jobs, but no savings... We are both fairly healthy-aside from adult ADD that I realize I will have deal with and go off of meds for a loong time for... And we are both ready mentally.. I guess I am just looking to see if anyone else had "pre baby goals" like a certain amount of money put away, health/fitness goals, whathaveyou?? Or am I just wierd? Or was this the completely wrong place to post this??
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Old 05-21-2003, 05:58 PM
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Not much NOT discussed here!!

kellykins:
first of all welcome!! I am sure you will be a FC addict in no time like me! I can not go a day without loggin on. Second, there is not much that is NOT discussed here so don't worry about posting something we won't talk about. These gals and guys will talk about anything! Third, my dh and I are pre-baby (trying) and it has been a long hard road but my point is I don't think you can ever been truely READY but I hear you adapt real quick. I have no opnions for you because I am wanting to know as well but me personally I think if you are emotionally ready then go for it, the rest will come. (But don't listen to me I am only a step Mom.. )
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Old 05-21-2003, 06:01 PM
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kellykin

just realized you were from Oviedo, FL. My mom is in Pt. St. John 9just west of Cape Canaveral!! small world!!
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Old 05-24-2003, 08:17 AM
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Ready for a family

Hi there,
As a parent of 2 and step mother of one, I will put my two cents in here. I do not think you can ever be totally prepaired to be a parent. While the thought is nice, I think you will never truely be ready. I know a couple that waited to start their family until they did some things. They had to pay off the debts, buy a house, save enough money for all the pregnancy bills, do all the things they thought they needed to do to be ready. They waited too long. By the time they started trying, they were in their mid thirties and did not get pregnat until she was 38. Her husband was 43. Now that they have a wonderful little boy, they are sorry they didn't try sooner. There were problems and now they can't have more children. Plus they say that they could have had more fun and done more if they would have had him sooner. Then they would be young enough to enjoy him more.
If you want a child and can give them all the love they need, why wait? Have them while you are young enough to be fun parents. How many kids do you remember from school that had 60 year old parents that played games with them in the yard? JMO!
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Old 05-24-2003, 09:12 AM
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Ready for kids

I have to agree with Crystal. I dont think there is every any way to be totally prepared for children. (Hubby and I have two girls - 8 and 10) The one thing you should and can do, is make sure you're healthy as can be, eat right, vitamins. The rest will come as you need it. You can read all the books you want, but there is no way that they can convey the depth and breadth to which having children will affect your life. It will change your life in ways you cannot possibly imagine. And by the way, the books don't apply to everyone, every child is different, and every parent is different. - Trust your instincts above all else.

Good luck, and remember to stop and enjoy every precious moment, it goes by so fast. People always said that to me, and I said to myself "yeah yeah" - lol - but you will be amazed at how fast the time really does go, how fast they grow and how quickly and suddenly they change.

Leigh
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Old 05-24-2003, 09:32 AM
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My info may not be pertinent as I am a grandma but I have found this out. If you wait until everything is "ready" you will never have a family. We found out about my first pregnancy after being married only 9 months and my jusband had just started his first semester of college. I have 3 wonderful children and don't know how I could have lived my life with out a one of them. We were really never ready for any of the 3 pregnancies but somehow we managed. We always had enough food, clean clothes, went to the drive in movies, took vacations, did just about anything and everything that we wanted. And sent two to college and one to nursing school. Where there is a will, you will find a way.
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Old 05-24-2003, 10:11 AM
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I agree with all of you, but want to emphasize one point; it's a really, really good idea to prepare physically. For six months before you start trying make sure you get plenty of vitamins, especially the B vitamins and Folic Acid. While you can get these in foods, you should take a good multi-vitamin supplement that contains 100% RDA of these in addition.(Don't worry about getting too much--these vitamins are water-soluble and any excess is excreted in urine.) There is pretty strong evidence that these vitamins help prevent certain neurological defects, especially the Folic Acid (found in high amounts in orange juice) which helps prevent neural-tube defects such as spina bifida. Be sure to continue taking these throughout your pregnancy. Also exercise to increase your abdominal strength and general endurance. I learned from personal experience how much this helps during pregnancy and delivery. (I did this for baby #1 but not baby #2--BIG mistake!) As for the emotional, mental, financial--do what you can, but don't stress over it or make it something that becomes a stumbling block. If you really want this child, are dedicated to learning all you can about parenting, and are willing to commit to each other and your child you will be good parents. Just don't expect perfection. Face it, if you are a perfect parent that means your child must be perfect as well--what a horrible burden to put on anyone, but especially a child!
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Old 05-24-2003, 10:14 AM
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Ready means different thing to different people. Finish your educations first..... that is your cushion if you have to go to work in some emergency.

Think about whether you will be staying home, which in that case y'all have to manage on ONE income, or if you are going to work after having the baby, which means you miss out on a lot of things.....You have to weigh what is good for y'all.

Have you set goals together? Have they been met, or almost completed?..... Sit down and figure with pencil and paper if you can afford to do this at this time. More marriages break up because of MONEY and NO COMMUNICATION. Approach it in an informed manner.
I suggest you pay off your credit cards and any other debt. Babies are very expensive, before and after you have them.

Do pros and cons for this time...... If this is not the right time, maybe 2 years down the road is a good time.

I would say give the marriage a few years first, to see where things stand...and it gives you time to meet your goals....

One or two years may make for better conditions all around.
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Last edited by Jeannie; 05-24-2003 at 11:56 AM.
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Old 05-24-2003, 10:24 AM
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I'm in agreement here, you can never be 100% ready! I had my son early, while many friends waited until their late 30's. One thing is for sure, you'll never have the energy you have now again. No matter where you are in life! My friends who waited until later are all sorry now. At the time others are planning their new future as 'empty nesters', they are still worrying about paying for college, weddings, AND their retirement all at the same time.
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Old 05-24-2003, 11:26 AM
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I agree with all the posts about Folic acid and exercise!

Also, if you plan to stay home, which will take a lot of stress off of you, your husband and your children, start learning about creative frugality. I'm not talking about "doing without", but about creative ways to have what you need and enjoy life while spending less money. "The Tightwad Gazette" is a great place to start, and there are dollar stretcher e-lists on the web. You should definitely try to stop using credit cards.

Other than that, read a good book about breastfeeding and one about Biblical child training, and some about education and home schooling, because you may not have time later!

The parenting magazines are full of advertising to make you think you need a lot of equipment. Skip them, and make sure your baby is warm, dry and comfortable. They hardly even need furniture at first, unless you don't want them in your bed at night.
A good supply of diapering materials, t-shirts, a papoose carrier or stroller and an approved car seat will get you there in warm weather.
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