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Pregnancy & Birth Are you trying to conceive, or are you pregnant now? Share your stories, thoughts, and goals here!

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 05-24-2003, 11:43 AM
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I have to agree with everyone that said you are never prepared for kids. We tried for almost 5 years before our first sweet daughter came along, and in all those years, I honestly think that we still weren't prepared. If I could go back now to those first years, I would have done some things differently than I did then, but that is all in the past.
I also agree with taking folic acid. 25 years ago when I was first starting to get pregnant they didn't tell me to take it.
Get a good physical, spend some special memory time with dh, put money in the bank, no set amount. But don't put off having a baby until you are "prepared" because you may find excuses after excuses to wait until the right time, then before you know it, it is too late.
Children are a "jem" a precious jewel that just gets more beautiful as they and you age.
Good luck with your life adventure.
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Old 05-24-2003, 12:36 PM
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Fellow Oviedian???

Hi! I will agree with the others that if you wait till you are "ready" then it won't happen...granted there are things that are better to have lined up but no one is totally 100% prepared. It's about choices and what you are prepared for...ie if you stay home can you live on one income. I was just out of UCF and looking for fulltime work when I became pregnant. We went in the best finanacal shape but we made it thru even with her haveing her early health concerns. I finally did get a fulltime job and worked thru my 2nd preg....had some $ put away to stay home the full 6mos- well the IRS ate alot of that as we had as we didn't realize we'd owe more income tax with our return that yr. what do they say- the best laid plans of mice and men??? I ended up going back after 3.5 mos to my job.

Well good luck- please contact me if I can help with local references- I've been in town for just under 20 yrs.
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Old 05-24-2003, 07:48 PM
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I will chime in and agree with everyone else who says that no one can ever be truly ready to have kids. My father-in-law used to say that if everyone waited till they could afford it to have kids then no one would ever have any. I know we would't, lol. I got married young and got pregnant with my first child at 19. We have three children now, ages 6, 2, and 1.


Tami
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Old 05-24-2003, 07:58 PM
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To add to the long list of other opinions , here's my 2 cents: wait. Trust me, it will help you to become securely established in your marriage --emotionally AND financially -- before tackling the stress of parenthood. Use these years in your mid-twenties to enjoy life and each other. Once kids come along, there's no going back.

I had my first child at 37 and my second at 40 and I couldn't be happier with this choice. (We totally planned it that way.)Granted, not everyone wants to wait that long, and some people do have fertility concerns, etc.

But the point is, such a huge life choice is a personal, individual thing. The most important thing is to do what you're doing: try to educate yourself. There are many, many things about being a mother that can absolutely blindside you. (Good and bad!) Besides solicting opinions like you've done here, I suggest reading the following books. They are all excellent.

"How to Avoid the Mommy Trap: A Roadmap for Sharing Parenting and Making It Work" by Julie Shields.

"Misconceptions: Truth, Lies, and the Unexpected on the Journey to Motherhood" by Naomi Wolf

"The Mask of Motherhood: How Becoming a Mother Changes Everything and Why We Pretend It Doesn't" by Susan Maushart

"Life After Birth : What Even Your Friends Won't Tell You About Motherhood" by Kate Figes

"The Price of Motherhood: Why the Most Important Job in the World is Still the Least Valued" by Ann Crittenden

These are all currently in print and available in bookstores and on Amazon. I happened to get all my copies at my local library, yours will probably have them too. If not, they can get them for you through InterLibrary Loan.

I also highly recommend getting video transcripts of the shows Oprah did last year which were titled something like "Things About Motherhood that Your Mother Never Told You." I know you can order them through her website.

Good luck with whatever you decide! Just go into it with your eyes open; be informed as much as possible.

~LeslieCan
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Old 05-24-2003, 08:01 PM
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Pinkie Winky Every ready to have a baby?

Hi Kellykins--I'm going to put my 2 cents into this forum as well! I was 24 when I have my daughter Ashley--fresh out of college, newly married, had the home---had a career in the Medical field--I just KNEW we had made it! We hadn't "planned" for her--she was not an accident(I hate that term!)but--we were young and wanted to do things first before having kids---after she was born--I went right back to my high powered position at the hospital---and did that for years, we just never seemed to have enough time to have more children---and then I started having medical problems that prevented us from conceiving! I was panicing! I was getting older--and no more children!

About 2 years ago, I started slowing down--career wise--decided I was burned out and wanted to have another baby(eventhough the docs had said that I probably wouldn't be able to!)I am a devoted Christian and I prayed about it--and at the young age of 37--my Nicole was born! Granted--I had so many pregnancy problems--was on bed-rest the WHOLE pregnancy--but she's 8 months old now--and such a blessing! I don't think you are ever truly "ready" to have children--and it may seem like it's never the "right" time--but Nicole has brought so much to our lives--AND I made a vow that once she was born--I wasn't going back to work--I missed out with my first daughter! So, we changed paths--and I started working from home--I started my own business--I don't make a whole lot of money, but I'm truly at peace and I'm happy! And, God gave me Nicole--and I am soo thrilled! Sure, we got rid of the "big" house, fancy cars--just drive 1 SUV now--we downsized because we knew that since I wasn't going back to work--we'd have to make it on 1 salary! Our priorities changed, and I'm glad it's this way---

I guess the bottom line is this--you can do all the planning you want--when baby comes--BABY comes--and plans can be thrown out the window!!!!

Take care---

Catherine,MotherCreator Moms2Angels Gathering Place
http://www.freewebs.com/moms2angels
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Old 05-24-2003, 08:45 PM
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My husband and I tried for over three years before we had our first child. When we first tried to get pregnant, I went to the doctor and had a physical. I talked to my doctor about having a baby and what he felt I needed to do in order to be ready physically. Basically only you and your doctor know what you need to do to be prepared physically for a baby. He told me to start taking prenatal vitamins (Folic acid is SO important, especially the first 12 weeks of pregnancy) and to make sure I eat plenty of fruits of vegetables, drink my milk and exercise.

As far as emotionally, how can you possibly be prepared for something that will so alter your life? A friend told me once that having a baby is like having your heart walk outside your body - they are such a part of you and no matter what you do you can't prepare for the awesomeness that is parenting. After trying for three years with no results and then suddenly getting pregnant (we found out on Valentine's Day of '99), I thought I was ready for this miracle. Then I heard that first cry and melted. I can't watch some shows anymore or the Labor Day telethon because I think, what if that were my child? No one can prepare you for the greatest job God could give you.

Financially - if you are like us, you probably weren't totally prepared to be married and yet somehow you made it and the same holds true with children. If you don't have a budget, start one. If you need to learn to control your spending, now's the time to start. Otherwise, sit back, relax, and get ready to enjoy the awesome roller coaster that is parenting!

Tammy
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Old 05-25-2003, 04:03 AM
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Hello.

You can try and save as much money as you want. YOu can try and eat as healthy as you want. But you will never be totally prepared for a child. I just had my second. With my first, I read every book on infants and parenthood...and real life was so different.

Nothing can prepare you for the lack of sleep, and they joy of motherhood.

Just save as much money as you can, talk to your doctor about the best way to approach your health...and then, enjoy life. You may be lucky and get pregnant immediately, or it may take you a while. But once you become pregnant, life as you kow it will change forever. It is the best thing in the world.
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Old 05-25-2003, 06:37 AM
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I'm going to jump in here. I was 33 before I had my first child.
And I was "advanced maternal age" when my third was born but I had three in 5 years.
I'd say first being in good physical shape is helpful. Second, a good diet is a must for pregnant and lactating womem. Yes. you can have a baby and not be in shape and not have a good diet but it does make a difference in you over all health. Consider a good nutritional supplement program. Some of those prenatal vitamins just make expensive urine.
Make sure you are ready to make all the commitments that come with it. I think it's really hard to understand how demanding motherhood is. Be ready to test your patience to the end and then have more. Give up having privacey and time for yourself.
Be ready to share everything you own.
You must be able to say no no no no no no no no no without
missing a beat. You must be able to be a friend when needed.
Teach your child manners and kindness and enforce them. Teach them to follow the rules but let them know it's OK to ask if they can be changed.
Consider breastfeeding. It's the very best you can offer your child
and enhances bonding.
Show your child respect and unmatched love and adorment.
Don't wait for money but make sure you can provide the basics for each child. Know when to say no.
Best of luck it's wonderful, rewarding experience but it does come with many challenges and upsets.
You'll learn things you never thought you would.
Robin in NC
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Old 05-25-2003, 12:20 PM
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Agree with everyone

Pretty much everyone has said what I was going to say, I got pregnant right after getting married, whew, we really werent "ready" financially at all, but somehow, you make it work. We didnt buy anything new, all used. I mean after all, is a crib worn out after only 2 babies being in it? Nope, but lots of people selling them. Just bought a new matteress, and it lasted thru my 3 just fine. You can get awesome almost brand new baby clothes at the good will stores, same with dressers, high chairs etc... The only thing I got new, my mother bought me a rocking chair. I was very grateful to have it!! I used cloth diapers when at home, to save money, (used pampers if going away from home- didnt want to drag dirty diapers around all day with me!) Breastfeeding sure saves money to. I walked all during my pregnancy to strengthen my muscles for birth, and it really helped. I had no problem, and a short labor. Which by the way---- Who is really ready for labor???? No One. at least the first time.
So, you will make it if youre not fully prepared-- No one ever really is. Babies dont come with handbooks, if they did, wed all be perfect parents. I wish you luck!
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Old 05-25-2003, 07:44 PM
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First of all, never feel that it is wrong to pe TOTALLY prepared before bringing a little one in the cruel world as we know it. However, the reality of the fact is that you cannot always be totally prepared. Not one person can say that they were financially secure before having children, and that is totally okay. If you are budget smart and money-wise, then you are stepping in the right direction. No one can actually figure out what they need, financially, before having children b/c so many unexpected things can happen. On the best scenario, you have the children who go thru the actual steps of growing up so you can start off with the smallest stuff (like newborn sizes), put them on layaway and be totally prepared in the GOT IT covered aspect. On the worst case scenario, you have a great pregnancy, and then something gets complicated thru labor or int he first week, and hospital bills can add up and what not.

I am not trying to point these out to be the one to freak you out, or to torment you, but these are the realities of parenting. Let me tell you a short version of my story of how motherhood popped up on me.... I was date raped by my best friend, while I was in a serious relationship with the man I am married to now. In that relationship, there was no premarital sex. So, when I found out I was pregnant, I wanted an abortion, but felt wrong not to talk things over with my bf at the time. Sure enough, in the end, we decided to keep the child, and raise her as our own. We were not financially prepared, or even ready for children, but we grew into it. And let me tell you, girlfriend, it has been the best years of my life! The thrills of parenting and seeing those smiles and eyes are worth giving up the pamperings we once had, the dates we long for now, and the alone time.

But there are other ways to be prepared. Attend parenting classes, start putting things on Layaway at Walmart (thank GOD for them!), talk with your husband, talk with family. Having a great support system outside your husband and yourself is very good for you 2, especially after the first days coming home with a newborn. Talk to doctors, ask them what you would need to get going, healthwise, to be ready. If you are really worried about finances, and know you spend money a little too often, try seeking counseling from a budget counselor, who can help you set up a budget to fit your needs and help you cut unnecessary habits. And if all else fails, listen to you heart. Are you ready? Are you prepared to have a little one in your life?
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