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DeBora4BobbyL 01-10-2010 10:03 AM

How Child Support Works
I got temporary custody of my grandchildren. The court ordered each parent to pay $275 towards child support and medical expenses. My question is do the parents have to fill out paperwork or do anything for that process to start? I am not quite sure what the parents would be required to do, if anything.

So far, the parents are supposed to take drug tests by a certain period of time and provide the court with those results. They are also supposed to pay child support. DD called her daddy and said that she was clean according to her hair follicle drug test. The last time she said she was clean she was using marijuana. Clean to her means not testing positive for opiates. She also thought that the Hearing was the actual trial. My DH told her that was just the pre-trial hearing. So, I wonder if she only got an attorney for the hearing and doesn't know she is supposed to take the drug test results to the court clerk. It doesn't matter to me. She wanted to go to court.

I haven't asked my attorney about how the child support works because I am busy and he is busy and I'd rather catch him for more important matters. However, I am curious as to how is normally works on the parents part in how the get the money taken out of their paychecks. Another reason I haven't worried about it is that I really am not expecting to get it. I will be shocked if I actually get the child support monies.

happymomof4 01-10-2010 10:22 AM

I have been getting child support for over 15yrs. I live in PA. Every state does things a little different. Not sure if temporary courts orders are different then permanent.

We have a child support agreement thru the county that I live. The county sends a letter to his work. That amount is subtracted from his paycheck. The company he works for send the checks to the state support dept. The checks are either direct deposit or put on a visa. I have direct deposit. Which I received a letter from the state and filled it out with my bank info. PA has a website that both my ex and I can look on. It tells you everything you need to know. Child support hearing dates, $ amounts, last time a payment was received and last time payment was paid. I get emails from this site when they put $$ in my bank account and the amount.

If I have questions about anything. I call my county support office and they help me.

Debora not sure what your state does. Maybe you should look up the phone # for the child support office in your area. Ask some questions. Usually they go by SS #'s. You might want to have yours and your dd's # if you have them when you call. I can also use my case # which is on my paperwork. They are usually pretty helpful and it is free.

DeBora4BobbyL 01-10-2010 10:33 AM

Charlotte, thanks. I was just curious as to whether or not the parents had to do anything. If they have to fill out paperwork, they won't do it. However, if the court handles everything, then it might get done. I haven't pressed my attorney about that as much as I have other issues because I really do not expect the parents to pay anything. It wasn't until I had the children 5 months and told my DD I was taking her to court that I saw any money. After 7 months, the parents have paid me a total of $280 towards the support of their children. The mother had Medicaid for her children under her name per requirement by CPS. She slipped and told me right before we hired the attorney and admitted she was afraid Medicaid would find out I had the children under my care when she was getting Food Stamps for them. I never saw the Food Stamps for the children. The mother never worked until I told her I had an attorney and was taking her to court as I could not return the children since the parents were on drugs, had no home of their own, and had no vehicle. As soon as I got an attorney, the mother got a minimum wage job. I am not sure how many hours she is working. SIL got a second job. I am not sure how many total hours he is working either. They agreed to pay me together $550 monthly. I asked and received that it be separated independently per parent. That way, if the parents get a divorce, things are already separated.

I guess by February 1st, we'll find out if the parents are paying child support. They were supposed to pay that January 1st. I am not sure how long the process lasts before I actually get the money IF I get the money.


ajrsmom 01-10-2010 11:50 AM

Charlotte gave you very good advice. Contact your local child services dept. with questions. The parents should be called in to their offices and so should you to fill out papers. Your lawyer might handle this for you or it might have to do this yourself. Don't worry about bothering your attorney, that's his job. Ask him about it so that it is not on your mind and make sure to get the answers that you are looking for. The payments should be taken directly out of their checks. If they quit their jobs and stop paying, they will go into arrears. Hopefully for you, this never happens because it could be a long time before you see that money.

I could write for hours on child support issues. Make sure to document everything!! Make sure to keep records of every payment - or lack of payment, make records of every phone call to child services, with names, dates, numbers and anything else that you can think of. I can't say it enough...document everything!!!

LaurieS 01-10-2010 12:17 PM

What Tami said about the attorney is correct, that's what you're paying him for.

When I got CS it came through the State of Oregon and it goes by the SS number. Also was automatic deposit to my account.

DeBora4BobbyL 01-10-2010 02:39 PM

I have no problem bugging my attorney. It is just the few moments I have when I do have access to a cell phone (I work in a prison where they are not allowed) I have more important issues to discuss, like the parents not able to come for visitation. I was just curious about the process. I would really be shocked if the parents pay the child support. The way they manage their money, if it is taken out of their checks like my attorney said, I would not doubt that the parents wouldn't hesitation to quit a job to avoid it or end up getting kicked out of their apartment for non payment of rent. Therefore, I am not getting my hopes up for that. My concern is more about the drug use by the parents during visitation or the promises they make to the children they are unable to keep.

This reason and this reason alone (child support, visitation, and the like) are good reasons people should check out their future spouse and his/her family as well as work hard to make their marriages work. All this is so difficult on the children and all family members who deal with the children.

happymomof4 01-10-2010 03:10 PM

Debora now that their is a court order for child support. If your dd and sil don't pay they could both end up in jail. In PA they put people in jail and send them out on work release during the day. The court gives them a job. In our county it is working for the trash company's. The trucks pick up the people right at the jail and drop them off at the end of the day. Also they can take there tax return away from them for back child support. That usually doesn't happen until they owe alot of money. In PA you can't get a driver's, fish or hunting license if you owe back child support. In PA the have this all on a data base that is kept for all these kinds of license renewals. I have seen lots of people quit there job once the courts find them and start taking child support out of their pay. This is one of the main reasons why they use SS #'s easier to find dead beat parents.

I really don't think your dd and sil have a clue what they are in for. It is a shame they that couldn't get their act together for the sake of their children.

The judges don't put up with liarers and people that play games. Your dd and sil will find out quickly that the court system will not be in there favor when they don't play by the rules.

Debora I really honor you for doing what you are doing. Raising grandchildren isn't easy. You have alot on your plate. Keep up the great job. Remember it is all worth it when you see the big smiles and laughter of those 2 fantastic grandchildren of yours.

DeBora4BobbyL 01-10-2010 03:26 PM

I don't know how it works in my state. I hope they go solely by SS number as DD's state issued ID is in her maiden name. I find that interesting since she only got this in late October. She's been married for quite some time. Anyway, she did admit to the court who she worked for as did SIL.

Thank you for the compliment. It is very hard work taking care of children and trying to start a career to support them while the parents have promises to get their acts together. I pray that the judge not only gives us complete custody, but I hope he allows us the right to move out of state as well. I figure since DD only worked for a few months in the past 6 years and she's only had this job (minimum wage) since last October early November and SIL has had his first job since late summer and the second job since November, and both his are minimum wage jobs as well. I think it would be better to allow those of us with stable, good paying jobs (my husband has been with his company for 26 years) the right to move to be near their jobs and together under the same roof.

I think it is a good idea for the state to arrest parents and make them work. NM revokes driver's licenses for failure to pay child support. In my daughter's case, she doesn't even have a driver's license.

ajrsmom 01-10-2010 04:18 PM

Pa. seems to play favorites when it comes to who they will arrest and take their tax money. My sister has tried for years to get the father of one of her kids to pay child support. The courts told her to find out where he was living and then to let them know. She did that (even though legal advise said it wasn't her job to do this). She told them were he was working at the time, too. They still never made him pay a dime. He's been in jail before for other offenses but never for lack of paying child support. The courts never followed up and never took his tax refunds. He is still living in the town not too far away from her and works some sort of lame job. It's the county that doesn't give a hoot.

Fla. took our tax return when we moved here and we were paid up to the penny with child support! They claimed that our files from Pa. and NC must have gotten lost when they were sent to them. Therefore, it was our word against theres - guess who won.

The whole thing sucks. I would find out how strict they are in your state about paying child support. Here in NC, you will go to jail if you do not pay. I've seen sheriffs show up on people's doorsteps to take people away.

Bernice 01-10-2010 04:35 PM


Originally Posted by ajrsmom

Make sure to document everything!! Make sure to keep records of every payment - or lack of payment, make records of every phone call to child services, with names, dates, numbers and anything else that you can think of. I can't say it enough...document everything!!!

I agree!!! I lost out on a lot of child support for my DD from her father. He jumped around on jobs, wrote me bad checks and had a ton of excuses. He had a lot of nice things, but never had any money when it came to our daugher. Every promise he has made never materialized. I am glad now that DD is 19 can see what he really is.

Getting the back child support monies is a long tedious process...most time you won't see the money. The only way I got money was if I had his pay garnished. No job, no money, but they can face jail time for non payment.

DeBora4BobbyL 01-10-2010 05:58 PM

I looked it up and Texas is funny. First, if you fail to pay child support, they can revoke drive's license. My DD hasn't had one in years! The other thing is she and her DH can be arrested. My BIL never paid child support and his wife was vindictive and he never served a day of jail time.

Many custodial parents have to raise their children with no support from the parents while the parent that is supposed to be pay child support takes the child for visitation cannot pay child support, but is able to take his/her children to Disney World, by the child gifts, and so on, while the hard working parent is stuck working 2 jobs so the children can eat. That hard working parent is the bad, mean parent because she/he cannot afford the luxuries the other parent can and that parent is usually maxed out emotionally, financially, and physically, doing the work of 2 parents.

I am finding myself in that situation. The parents show up for visitation with candy (after both children have had surgery on their teeth due to neglect), toys, Cokes, and so on. They get to be fun and interactive with the children each visit while I have to supervise and make sure the parents aren't high and accidentally injure the children or say anything inappropriate to them. This next 2 visitations should prove interesting since the last Sunday visit, the parents were unable to get a ride for visitation. They do not have a vehicle. All their friends have left them and this summer, they made 2 new friends. I doubt they will be there for the long run either. The other grandma showed up to the Hearing with the parents and an attorney for the parents. I am assuming she paid for him since the parents cannot afford him. But, that's just an assumption. When the parents couldn't come to visitation, I asked about the other grandma since the parents swore under oath that she would give them rides to see their children or loan them her car. However, DD said she had an excuse why she couldn't loan them her car and she stated she was too tired. It is possible that the other grandma never said she would help them.

It is interesting how the various states handle child support. I wish Texas was stricter. I am not making a big deal out of child support except at the trial, if I don't get it as I haven't expected it. The parents swore they could handle $550 per month. I doubt parents who together work 2 1/2 minimum wage jobs can pay that amount in addition to apartment, cell phone, and food. But, we'll see.

My strategy for court is to bring receipts to prove how much daycare costs in addition to other expenses the child cost to demonstrate that the parents do not make enough to support these children. When we went to court and asked for the $550, I stated that wasn't enough to pay daycare. My attorney said as a conservator, I would have to eat some of the costs. I agreed, but my point is that the parents are wanting custody of these children. My claim is that these are NOT my children and therefore, I am not legally responsible for their upkeep. This is NOT like a divorce situation in which the person getting custody also is legally responsible for that child along with the other parent. In my situation, and the law may or may not agree with me, but BOTH parents are 100% responsible for these children. If these parents want these children back with them, they are going to have to prove they can financially, medically, emotionally, and educationally for these children. If they cannot do this 100%, then these kids are partially mine since I am raising them to a great deal emotionally, physically, medically, and educationally. If I share in that responsibility, the parents should not get them back as it is their responsibility.

I had to stop tying because DGS started screaming. He had to be taken to ER a week ago because he said his tooth hurt. The doctor thought it was an ear infection. He has been on antibiotics for a week. The surgeonn said when such a small child has so many fillings and caps from neglect, when the permanent teeth start coming in and it cause those caps can be painful. I want to kill the parents for allowing these children to be so neglected that they'll be suffering for many years!

happymomof4 01-11-2010 02:53 AM


Originally Posted by ajrsmom
Pa. seems to play favorites when it comes to who they will arrest and take their tax money.

I agree with that. It seems if the person gets some kind of wealthfare or child care help the counties are harder on the other parent not paying the child support. I see it happen all the time at work. The parents that make better money and get no help from the county or state have no help getting child support. Philadelphia is the worse in our area. The one man in our office always has had his money deducted from his pay check. Somebody in our office mess up his check going to the city. They almost came and got him. Our CEO had to call the city and get straighten out. They dropped the bench warnit.

I am very lucky my ex has always paid his child support. He weals and deals with me to get it as low as I will let him. But it has always been deducted from his pay. He has worked at the same company for ever. He has complained about how much he pays to the kids. They always tell me what he says. Now that they are older (17 yrs old and above). They see he isn't hurting and he has all the update and new stuff. He is the one that bought dd #1 a 32inch flatscreen tv for Christmas this year for her dorm. She told him not to buy one. I was standing there when she told him. He has bought all the kids laptops, etc. I am glad he has bought them all this. It saves me money.

One time he brought it up infront of the judge that he spends all this money on the kids besides child support. The judge laughed and asked me what I buy the kids besides a roof over their heads, food, clothing, gas to drive them around, school supplies, etc. The judge was not playing dh's game. He wanted to have his child support lowered becuase he spends money on the kids for other things. It didn't surprise me one bit.

Being a parent is hard no matter what life throws at you.

DeBora4BobbyL 01-11-2010 03:12 AM

I knew a guy who sent his child support check in every month. The post office lost it one month. They came, arrested him at work, and revoked his license. He was immediately able to prove he sent it off when he was required to with the tracking information and check, but the damage was already done. He lost his job and it was a pain to get his driver's license back. This was over child support that was only 1 day late. Sheesh.

It does seem that these parents can't afford to pay child support but seem to be able to bring plenty of gifts and candy when they visit the children.

We were up most of the night with DGS crying in pain because of his tooth hurting. I was irritated because after 7 months, the parents should have it together enough to be able to take this child to the doctor. The reason he has so many fillings and caps is because of neglect. He had surgery on his teeth in September, due to neglect. Now, I am in a situation in which I could lose my job if I take off and DH can take off as he's been with his company for 27 years, but he lives 7 hours away. When I said that I could lose my job because I have already take off once for court and I will be taking off again for the trial. It would jeapardize my job if I took off. My DH asked what divorced parents do in this situation. I said they end up having to quit a good paying job with benefits and take 2-3 lower paying jobs to support their children so they can take off for doctor's appointments. It really irks me because this is such a great paying job and I really need it. I'd hate to lose it and have to take a couple of minimum wage jobs. DH is going to see if he can get someone to cover for him and take off from OK to come to TX to take the little man to the dentist.

Bernice 01-11-2010 02:59 PM

It really sucks going through a those hoops just to get child support. I think a lot of times the absent parents think that they aren't hurting anyone. Well think again! Buying affection isn't the same as being there day in and day out. It might not be immediately recognized by the child(ren) involved, but eventually they do see it.

I wish more business would be more understanding when it came to employees taking off to go to court, don't know if this could be an amendment to the Family Leave Act.

The main thing is not to abuse it. If I can prove I have to be in court, my boss is understanding, but not everyone is like that. I don't know one child that asked to be born, so step up deliquent and non payment parents. You brought them into this world, it is your responsiblity to take care of them.

I DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR MY STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT TAKING CARE OF OUR KIDS. My ex makes sure his new family is well taken care of....something he never did with the daughter we had together.

DeBora4BobbyL 01-12-2010 12:26 AM

I don't know why some fathers will dote on one family and practically ignore the other. I love watching Judge Judy and it is amazing how many parents (mothers and fathers alike) state that they aren't paying anything for the support of their children because the court hasn't ordered them to. Judge Judy always says that she is appalled that people need a court to tell them that their children need food, clothes, a roof over their heads, and so on. Parents should pay for the support of their children no matter what.

happymomof4 01-12-2010 02:43 AM

My ex has always seen our children and paid childsupport. He was made to be a part time father. My kids have seen it thru the years. Now as young adults they have the choose to be his friend or not. It isn't up to me any more. I did my part.

My stepson's real mother has never been involved. I have know the kids sense he was 13 yrs old. Now at 27 he has seen his mother 3 times. 1 time was just a few months ago. She was order to pay $5 a week for child support when he was 2 yrs old. She never paid a penny. My dh never went after her for it. He said it wasn't worth it. This poor boy all these years wanted to see his mother and had this imaginary image of his mother. I don't think she ever lived up to his image. The lady had 4 children and never raised any of them past the age of 6. My stepson is the oldest of her children and he was under 2 when she left him in the house alone and never came back. My dh did a great job with raising him alone for years.

Both my dil's are from divorced families. Neither on of them have a real relationship with there other parent. My dil doesn't talk to her mother at all. My future dil only sees her father on occasions. Sad that these people are missing out on a child's life. It is funny that with our family it is mom's as well as dad's.

DeBora4BobbyL 01-13-2010 04:14 AM

The research is showing that many divorced parents are starting new families and forgetting about the old ones. It is really sad.

Bernice 01-14-2010 04:41 PM

It is sad that many people consider their bilogical child throw a way and don't care whether or not they have what they need to survive because of a divorce.

I can't imagine not caring about my child!

DeBora4BobbyL 01-14-2010 05:18 PM

I cannot imagine it either.

cat lover 12-01-2016 11:44 PM


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