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DeBora4BobbyL 01-10-2010 05:58 PM

I looked it up and Texas is funny. First, if you fail to pay child support, they can revoke drive's license. My DD hasn't had one in years! The other thing is she and her DH can be arrested. My BIL never paid child support and his wife was vindictive and he never served a day of jail time.

Many custodial parents have to raise their children with no support from the parents while the parent that is supposed to be pay child support takes the child for visitation cannot pay child support, but is able to take his/her children to Disney World, by the child gifts, and so on, while the hard working parent is stuck working 2 jobs so the children can eat. That hard working parent is the bad, mean parent because she/he cannot afford the luxuries the other parent can and that parent is usually maxed out emotionally, financially, and physically, doing the work of 2 parents.

I am finding myself in that situation. The parents show up for visitation with candy (after both children have had surgery on their teeth due to neglect), toys, Cokes, and so on. They get to be fun and interactive with the children each visit while I have to supervise and make sure the parents aren't high and accidentally injure the children or say anything inappropriate to them. This next 2 visitations should prove interesting since the last Sunday visit, the parents were unable to get a ride for visitation. They do not have a vehicle. All their friends have left them and this summer, they made 2 new friends. I doubt they will be there for the long run either. The other grandma showed up to the Hearing with the parents and an attorney for the parents. I am assuming she paid for him since the parents cannot afford him. But, that's just an assumption. When the parents couldn't come to visitation, I asked about the other grandma since the parents swore under oath that she would give them rides to see their children or loan them her car. However, DD said she had an excuse why she couldn't loan them her car and she stated she was too tired. It is possible that the other grandma never said she would help them.

It is interesting how the various states handle child support. I wish Texas was stricter. I am not making a big deal out of child support except at the trial, if I don't get it as I haven't expected it. The parents swore they could handle $550 per month. I doubt parents who together work 2 1/2 minimum wage jobs can pay that amount in addition to apartment, cell phone, and food. But, we'll see.

My strategy for court is to bring receipts to prove how much daycare costs in addition to other expenses the child cost to demonstrate that the parents do not make enough to support these children. When we went to court and asked for the $550, I stated that wasn't enough to pay daycare. My attorney said as a conservator, I would have to eat some of the costs. I agreed, but my point is that the parents are wanting custody of these children. My claim is that these are NOT my children and therefore, I am not legally responsible for their upkeep. This is NOT like a divorce situation in which the person getting custody also is legally responsible for that child along with the other parent. In my situation, and the law may or may not agree with me, but BOTH parents are 100% responsible for these children. If these parents want these children back with them, they are going to have to prove they can financially, medically, emotionally, and educationally for these children. If they cannot do this 100%, then these kids are partially mine since I am raising them to a great deal emotionally, physically, medically, and educationally. If I share in that responsibility, the parents should not get them back as it is their responsibility.

I had to stop tying because DGS started screaming. He had to be taken to ER a week ago because he said his tooth hurt. The doctor thought it was an ear infection. He has been on antibiotics for a week. The surgeonn said when such a small child has so many fillings and caps from neglect, when the permanent teeth start coming in and it cause those caps can be painful. I want to kill the parents for allowing these children to be so neglected that they'll be suffering for many years!

happymomof4 01-11-2010 02:53 AM


Originally Posted by ajrsmom
Pa. seems to play favorites when it comes to who they will arrest and take their tax money.

I agree with that. It seems if the person gets some kind of wealthfare or child care help the counties are harder on the other parent not paying the child support. I see it happen all the time at work. The parents that make better money and get no help from the county or state have no help getting child support. Philadelphia is the worse in our area. The one man in our office always has had his money deducted from his pay check. Somebody in our office mess up his check going to the city. They almost came and got him. Our CEO had to call the city and get straighten out. They dropped the bench warnit.

I am very lucky my ex has always paid his child support. He weals and deals with me to get it as low as I will let him. But it has always been deducted from his pay. He has worked at the same company for ever. He has complained about how much he pays to the kids. They always tell me what he says. Now that they are older (17 yrs old and above). They see he isn't hurting and he has all the update and new stuff. He is the one that bought dd #1 a 32inch flatscreen tv for Christmas this year for her dorm. She told him not to buy one. I was standing there when she told him. He has bought all the kids laptops, etc. I am glad he has bought them all this. It saves me money.

One time he brought it up infront of the judge that he spends all this money on the kids besides child support. The judge laughed and asked me what I buy the kids besides a roof over their heads, food, clothing, gas to drive them around, school supplies, etc. The judge was not playing dh's game. He wanted to have his child support lowered becuase he spends money on the kids for other things. It didn't surprise me one bit.

Being a parent is hard no matter what life throws at you.

DeBora4BobbyL 01-11-2010 03:12 AM

I knew a guy who sent his child support check in every month. The post office lost it one month. They came, arrested him at work, and revoked his license. He was immediately able to prove he sent it off when he was required to with the tracking information and check, but the damage was already done. He lost his job and it was a pain to get his driver's license back. This was over child support that was only 1 day late. Sheesh.

It does seem that these parents can't afford to pay child support but seem to be able to bring plenty of gifts and candy when they visit the children.

We were up most of the night with DGS crying in pain because of his tooth hurting. I was irritated because after 7 months, the parents should have it together enough to be able to take this child to the doctor. The reason he has so many fillings and caps is because of neglect. He had surgery on his teeth in September, due to neglect. Now, I am in a situation in which I could lose my job if I take off and DH can take off as he's been with his company for 27 years, but he lives 7 hours away. When I said that I could lose my job because I have already take off once for court and I will be taking off again for the trial. It would jeapardize my job if I took off. My DH asked what divorced parents do in this situation. I said they end up having to quit a good paying job with benefits and take 2-3 lower paying jobs to support their children so they can take off for doctor's appointments. It really irks me because this is such a great paying job and I really need it. I'd hate to lose it and have to take a couple of minimum wage jobs. DH is going to see if he can get someone to cover for him and take off from OK to come to TX to take the little man to the dentist.

Bernice 01-11-2010 02:59 PM

It really sucks going through a those hoops just to get child support. I think a lot of times the absent parents think that they aren't hurting anyone. Well think again! Buying affection isn't the same as being there day in and day out. It might not be immediately recognized by the child(ren) involved, but eventually they do see it.

I wish more business would be more understanding when it came to employees taking off to go to court, don't know if this could be an amendment to the Family Leave Act.

The main thing is not to abuse it. If I can prove I have to be in court, my boss is understanding, but not everyone is like that. I don't know one child that asked to be born, so step up deliquent and non payment parents. You brought them into this world, it is your responsiblity to take care of them.

I DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR MY STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT TAKING CARE OF OUR KIDS. My ex makes sure his new family is well taken care of....something he never did with the daughter we had together.

DeBora4BobbyL 01-12-2010 12:26 AM

I don't know why some fathers will dote on one family and practically ignore the other. I love watching Judge Judy and it is amazing how many parents (mothers and fathers alike) state that they aren't paying anything for the support of their children because the court hasn't ordered them to. Judge Judy always says that she is appalled that people need a court to tell them that their children need food, clothes, a roof over their heads, and so on. Parents should pay for the support of their children no matter what.

happymomof4 01-12-2010 02:43 AM

My ex has always seen our children and paid childsupport. He was made to be a part time father. My kids have seen it thru the years. Now as young adults they have the choose to be his friend or not. It isn't up to me any more. I did my part.

My stepson's real mother has never been involved. I have know the kids sense he was 13 yrs old. Now at 27 he has seen his mother 3 times. 1 time was just a few months ago. She was order to pay $5 a week for child support when he was 2 yrs old. She never paid a penny. My dh never went after her for it. He said it wasn't worth it. This poor boy all these years wanted to see his mother and had this imaginary image of his mother. I don't think she ever lived up to his image. The lady had 4 children and never raised any of them past the age of 6. My stepson is the oldest of her children and he was under 2 when she left him in the house alone and never came back. My dh did a great job with raising him alone for years.

Both my dil's are from divorced families. Neither on of them have a real relationship with there other parent. My dil doesn't talk to her mother at all. My future dil only sees her father on occasions. Sad that these people are missing out on a child's life. It is funny that with our family it is mom's as well as dad's.

DeBora4BobbyL 01-13-2010 04:14 AM

The research is showing that many divorced parents are starting new families and forgetting about the old ones. It is really sad.

Bernice 01-14-2010 04:41 PM

It is sad that many people consider their bilogical child throw a way and don't care whether or not they have what they need to survive because of a divorce.

I can't imagine not caring about my child!

DeBora4BobbyL 01-14-2010 05:18 PM

I cannot imagine it either.

cat lover 12-01-2016 11:44 PM


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