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Old 02-07-2006, 10:26 PM
Notsocraftymom's Avatar
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Help with 4 yr old misbehavior and hubby reactions

I'm new to this forum, but I would love to get some advice. In the past couple of weeks, my 4 year old son has started acting terribly. He throws things, yells at us, has complete meltdowns and sometimes I don't even know why. My response has been to ignore him, sometimes I yell, I take away his favorite toys, etc. My husbands response is to hold him down until he calms down because he doesn't want anything to be broken (which doesn't work). We disagree completely on how to handle his attitude and I am wondering how other people have responded to something like this? I don't want to start fighting with my husband about it, and I don't want my son to continue this behavior. I take away privileges, I yell, I ignore, I've tried it all, but am unsure what to do now.
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Old 02-12-2006, 08:18 PM
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There's a great article on this very topic here
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Old 02-13-2006, 04:41 AM
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WOW!! thanks Amanda.
Great article. I'm a grandma and I think (I hope) I have learned a few things in reading it. I am sending this to my DD and DIL with hopes that they will read and try to follow some of the clues for help with the problems with their children. I sure will try them when they are here. <G>
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Old 02-13-2006, 06:18 AM
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Location: Oklahoma
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First, welcome to FC!

My DH and I never argued except when it came to how to raise and discipline the kids. We had to sit down without the kids and come to an understanding as to how to raise the kids. We agreed that whatever one parent said the other couldn't override the dicision. We agreed to disagree on some things and some things we had to have a little meeting to decide. Kids are very good at playing parents against one another. So, if I were you, I would sit down with DH and come to a decision. Good luck!
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Old 02-14-2006, 10:26 PM
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current behavior of my 4 year old

Thanks so much for the advice, I really appreciate it. My hubby and I talked and have decided to ignore his fits which appears to be working. The only problem we have now is bedtime. He never had a problem going to bed and he's happy until prayers are done and lights are out. I can tell he's doing it for attention so we ignore him. But the question I have now is what to do when he starts being destructive. We can't allow him to break things, throw things, etc. So what do we do about that? Bedtime is the only time he gets a reaction from us, so he has continued to act up at that time, any suggestions?
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Old 02-19-2006, 12:01 PM
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Location: Greensburg, PA
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Dr. Phil would tell you to remove everything fro m his room except his bed and bedding. He is old enough to know that his behavior is not acceptable. Explain to him as long as he continues to behave like this he won't get anything back in his room. As he starts to behave you can start giving him some things back.

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Old 02-19-2006, 12:59 PM
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Location: florida
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Yes Days

Read somewhere to explain to your child would he rather have a cranky mom or a happy mom.
Every time you ask him to do something and he says yes you are going to put a yes on the chart. At the end of the day if there are more yeses than no he will have a yes day.
You will do something special with him. Soon he will realize a happy Mom is more fun to be with than a cranky Mom which will motivate him to continue having yes days.
Even your husband can join in on the fun.
"The only reason why people hold on to memories is because memories are the only things that don't change when everything else does."

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Old 02-22-2006, 12:10 PM
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Does he exhibit these traits all day, or just at times. My son has ADHD and He really does, he is a hard child to raise, but not to love. It is very hard on mine and my husbands relationship, because I know this is not normal, and I try to get him to understand and change, my husband does not agree, we have discussed and he is not willing to come around. He is a great dad in all other areas but this one, unfortunately this is an important topic. It is hard, but I try to explain to Cameron that I want what is best for him, and that I do not want him to get hurt or to hurt objects, I explain that our money is tight, if he breaks things they have to be replaced which leaves less money for fast food/toys/movie rentals/trips etc... I tell him it is not good to act like that, and show him someone else acting like that, and ask him how it makes that child look. It works to calm him down till the next episode. We even went to family counseling, the counselor said with Cameron's ADHD that I needed to be stricter, because he is going to push the rules as far as he can, if he knows he can't go but so far, eventually (when, I have no idea) he'll quit trying so hard to break me. Good Luck! Just keep piling on the love.
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Old 03-03-2006, 12:20 PM
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My 3 year old has acted this way. He attends Kids Morning Out @ church 1x per week. Last week he his a child smaller than him in the back (not hard enough to leave a mark, but enough to make her cry). I made him pack a huge box of his favorite toys & his vhs & dvd's in a box & it has been put away for 9 days now. He will be going back next week & if he behaves we'll allow him 2 items.
We have a 3 1/2 month old and I do not want him to exhibit this behavior (nor has he) with his brother.
We've tried so many things and since we have taken these items away & stuck to our guns, he has made an improvement at home. I hope he does as well at KMO.

GL to you & your son
... what catches our attention might be more than a coincidence — it might also be a potential incident of inspiration." —Wayne W. Dyer

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