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Old 02-01-2006, 03:39 AM
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Advice on Son please :)

I feel down right horrible right now. My 11 yr old son is into baseball big time. He's been playing since he was about 4 years now. He brought home 3 F's and 1 D for his progress report yesterday. I feel horrible. I feel like i've let my child down and he's making bad grades. I told him he was coming out of baseball until his grades come up. He's upset with me. He just started for the season and they are going into the 4th game out of 27. If I take him out, that's it until next year. I want my kids to be and have everything that their dad and I don't have and didnt' do. We married really young, 17 be exact. We didn't finish highschool. Even though we're doing good for drop outs, I want more for my kids. I want them to finish highschool and go to college.

My son says i'm being to hard that taking his after school activity away is going to kill him. I feel horrible. Am I doing the right thing? I just feel he needs to work on his grades instead of baseball right now. Ya'lls opinion is greatly appreciated.

Thanks
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Last edited by ctealady; 02-01-2006 at 03:42 AM.
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Old 02-01-2006, 04:19 AM
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It's a tough call--but it's YOUR call. You are the parent.

I am guessing from what you say that normally your son is a good student. How much time does baseball (practice & games) take up in his week? Does he have enough time to complete his schoolwork? Does he have other activities (scouting, other sports, other lessons or clubs that he belongs to?)

Is there any way that you can contact his teacher and find out what she thinks the problem is? If she confirms that his grades have dropped because he doesn't have enough study time/isn't doing his homework, then you have that to back up your decision.

I'm a mom (my kids are 14, 10 and 3) and a former teacher--and in my opinion, school comes first. As one of my teachers used to say to us in grade school, "You are professional students. It is your job to do your studying." Sports/music lessons/computer time are all privileges. But at this age, school is their obligation.
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Old 02-01-2006, 09:39 AM
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Thanks Barb,

I'm going to contact the teacher and request a conference and base my final decision from there. Education is a top priority for my family. I think the first thing I should have done was set some ground rules down that if your failing in school, you don't get to play sports. I might feel bad about it, but I am the parent and I have to do what's best for them. They'll understand once they become adults I know. It just hurts knowing that he loves the sport so much. But again, education comes first. I need to make that clear to him and my other two children. Thanks for your advice, I really appreciate it.
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Old 02-01-2006, 10:24 PM
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Hi Christine,

I think school is the number one priority however you should check to see why he is doing poorly.

Last week I would have said sports come in second you are out it until the grades are brought up. However, my ds had to write a paper arguing if it was fair for a student to not be allowed to play a sport, for which he might receive a scholorship down the road for one bad grade. Most wrote that they shoud not.

After seeing why he is doing poorly, if it is just missing a paper or one bad grade then maybe you could make a deal with him. You can play but if the grade is not brought up by the next interim or four weeks you will have to drop the sport for this season.

Good luck! You are the parent and education is the number one goal. I appauld you as I know some parents who are more concerned that their child will be kicked off the team for a D then they are about the D or failing grade. It was always the fault of the teacher and never their star athlete.
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Old 02-03-2006, 05:18 AM
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CTlady,
As everyone else has stated, it's your call. They all make good points. And I also believe that education is very important. My husband and I both graduated highschool, but we did not go to college and get degrees! That has made our life very difficult. These days you need a college degree to work at McDonald's, it seems!
As far as missing out on a sports scholarship b/c of one bad grade....I wouldn't worry too much. He's not in HS just yet. And anyway, even if he did get a scholarship, he would be required by college to keep his grades up or he's out!!!
Right now he needs a lesson in reality. When you don't do your work, you don't get to play. And it's that way in real life too. So you'd be teaching him a lesson that will stay with him ALL of his life! It's not just about the grade, it's about the character he is developing RIGHT NOW. Once he has learned his lesson, then he can play.

And, I like the statement you have with you sig: "When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. " If he misses out on playing baseball, then maybe there is somewhere else your son needs to be. It's your job to help him see the new door that has been opened up to him.

I am currently reading a book about Reality Discipline called "Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours" By Dr. Kevin Leman. I have read it before, but I needed a refresher! Perhaps you would also enjoy it. You could find it in a Christian Bookstore, or perhaps in the "Religion" section of a large bookstore.

I hope that all helps. Above all, remember, You are the parent....You make the final decision, no matter how angry your son may become with you....for the moment (he'll be loving you next time something comes up he wants and dad says "ask your mom"!)!

Katie
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Last edited by kadee_diid; 02-03-2006 at 05:21 AM.
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Old 02-07-2006, 10:17 PM
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I am new to this forum, but I have some thoughts. I am a big believer in warnings. I always say "if you don't do such and such, then this will happen". If there is no warning, I don't feel it's fair to the child. I would do what some of the others have said, talk to the teacher, then give him a period of time in which he has to raise his grades. If he knows baseball is on the line, he'll straighten up if it's important to him. If he doesn't straighten up, follow through and yank him out of it. That way it's completely his decision as to whether or not he wants to play. Taking him out without warning will only breed resentment and there is no motivation to bring his grades up.
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