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Moms of 3 or More Do you have 3 or more children? Often times, parents with 3 or more kids face challenges that those of 1 or 2 just do not. This board was set up for those parents to ask others how they cope with issues such as making time for each child, who stays u

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Old 07-23-2002, 11:10 AM
DomesticGoddess's Avatar
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try mom of 5!

I have 2 biological boys and 3 stepchildren.

I'm beyond "mommy burnout".
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Old 07-24-2002, 05:29 AM
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It's all how you look at it ...

Shell,

I know what you mean about "mommy burnout"! I am the mother of 5 as well, and they sure know how to keep me hopping.

But, I've found that if I step back and look at them, as if I didn't know them, I realize they really are great kids. I'm very lucky to have each of them! Some days one or another will be especially challenging - but I cannot imagine life without each of them.

God brought us together as a family, hand-picking each of us to be together. I'm not about to argue with Him!

Tell you dh you need to go out alone one night this week. Tell him it's a very important meeting that you MUST attend - it's with your sanity! Take a book along, and go to the nearest ice cream parlor. Take at least 2 hours for yourself, and just spend time reflecting on your life and how you got where you are. Look for the good in your situation, and your family, and you'll find it!

When you return home, remember that you are not alone - you can always come here to talk to us!
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Old 07-24-2002, 06:03 AM
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Thanks for the reply

Thanks for the idea and the words of encouragement.

Some more about my family.

I just got married in January of this year and the stepkids promptly went to Germany after the wedding to live with their mom so this summer is the first blending of our families.

They say the first year of marriage is hardest... (I am into mine 6 months)

They say moving/buying a house is one of the most stressful things you can do (we are in the process of buying a house)

and they say blending families is a challenge (I agree!)... so trying to manage all of that is a daily struggle for me.

I think for me, the hardest part is my negativity. I am "stuck" here all day every day. I get no break from the kids. And I feel bad asking hubby to take one with me because he wants to spend time with them (which I understand), but he also needs to nurture our marriage... and I don't think he can figure out how to do both at the same time.

I don't want to go out ALONE, because I crave the attention and the adult companionship of my hubby. I have no friends here who I can hang out with or talk to. I just moved here in Oct. and all our friends are from church. My hubby's dad is the Minister there. I don't feel comfortable talking about my problems or issues with people who know my entire family on my husbands side. I am the outsider here.

My escape is here, online...

So, it's nice to find little places like this to "escape" to!
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Old 07-24-2002, 07:58 AM
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You aren't alone!

You are not alone! Blending families is very challenging to say the least. I have 2 of my "own" and 2 stepchildren (don't like to call them that) and they are all fantastic kids! I'm on the end of our summer visitation schedule and I can understand mommy burnout! I find that I've become more grouchy and less patient! I agree with taking a step back and evaluating. Will your husband's children be with you from now on? Or are they just visiting? What are all your kids' ages!?

I believe there is a blended family thread here somewhere - I'll look for it and post it later!*

Hang in there!

Angela


* Go to the forum Parenting, then to the sub-forum Step-Parenting, Ask the Expert.

Last edited by momof4; 07-24-2002 at 08:04 AM.
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Old 07-24-2002, 08:13 AM
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Thanks Angela

Thanks for the reply Angela.

The stepkids actually live with us during the summer for 60 days (all of their summer break) and then again at Christmastime for about 3-4 weeks or so... not very long. Their mom works for Nato in Germany so they live there with her. My hubby held custody over them until last fall, and per his agreement with his ex, it was her turn to have them live with her. They are here this summer till September 2.

I think most of my burnout is due to lack of adult time with hubby. No date time. No out of the house time (except with the kids). When his kids aren't here, we have every other weekend free because my two boys go to their dad's for visitation. That gave us time to have alone, to relax, unwind, and to date if we had the money.

Now, if we don't have the money, we are pretty much screwed because we have no where to go in this small town... and walking in this heat or riding bikes or whatever we can do like that for free is not my idea of a relaxing date or time alone. Last night we went out to check out the house we are trying to buy (for the 100th time) and argued the whole time. I know it's because of stress...

I'm thinking that next week, when DH stays home from work one day to spend time with the kids, I am taking off to Indy (where my family is) and just spending the whole entire day there doing what I want, without any kids. I would love to spend time with him, but I feel bad because I know he wants to spend time with his kids while they are here... however, the time he spends here in the same house with them, they don't DO anything... play N64, watch TV, play on the computer, etc...

I just keep taking it one day at a time. It's all I really can do... and next time I will be more prepared... I can plan our date nights when we plan for their time here (we didn't plan it this time, thought it would just happen) and I will save the money back and budget it out so we have the $ to date when the kids are here so there is no "we don't have the $ because they are here"....

Thanks for listening!
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Old 08-09-2006, 07:19 AM
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kids

My husband & I between the both of us have 4 kids. He has 2 boys ages 18, 15 from a previous marriage. I have one 15 yr. old boy from a previous marriage & we have one girl age 13 together. We both refer to the kids as ours. The biological parents don't ever come to see them or have anything to do w/ them. His kids call me their mom & my boy calls my husband his dad. I feel that as the kids get older it's harder for blended families. Our 18 yr. old just got back from Basic Training. He will be graduating High School this yr. Anyone out there to chat with?
Sandy
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Old 01-10-2015, 09:05 AM
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Been there- done that, and know all about it!

With multiples, you need an out, that's a fact. When my kids were babies I tried planning a once a week trek (out of the house) to escape the crying, the diapers, the bottles, etc, and surprisingly, an hour or two away from it all always had a way or recharging my batteries.

Plus, with multiples, there is no such thing as perfection. I found if I could settle everyone down with doing their own thing, I was in heaven.

Too often moms of multiples seem to be under the pretense that calm and order can be achieved, but I know in speaking for myself and how things were in my home, calm and order was a rarity, so I ran with the half-measure of being content when I could keep the sound level and excitement factor at a slow simmer.

Additionally, I was really fortunate with my last two, because my two older daughters were old enough where they were able to pitch-in a help out with everything around the home, baby-care included, so having an extra double set of hands made all the difference in the world to me as far being able to maintain my sanity.

Had I been without my two daughters and family/friends to help, I would have without question) hired a Mother's Helper.

With multiples, going it alone can be done, but going it with support is the way to go!
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