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Amanda 06-11-2002 06:44 PM

Should I have stopped at 2 kids?
Have you ever asked yourself that question? I love all of my children dearly, with all of my heart, unconditionally. But sometimes the stress and pressure of it all gets me questioning myself, wondering what life would have been like had I stopped at 2.

I often see parents at little league games, the movies, beach, picnics, what have you, with just 1 or 2 kids. Life seems so much more peaceful, less hectic for them. :( I'm not saying it's any easier, but sometimes there are things that the older kids just don't get the oportunity to do because we are tied down with the younger kids.

For example, my daughter has been begging to get her haircut for a week now. Frankly, I have no interest in sitting in a hair salon with three rambunctious boys while she gets her haircut. :( Of course they all need a haircut, but that's even worse! LOL

Anyway, you see my point. Believe me, I wouldn't trade any of my kids for anything, and I don't necessarily regreat anything, I just often wonder how things would have been, even though I cannot imagine my life without any of my kids. :)

Guess I'm just curious if others have had these feelings or thoughts as well :)

SuzyQ 06-11-2002 07:12 PM

Never! Of course we made consious decisions for each of ours, and realize that not everyone has. That said, I almost wish we'd had a fourth with the same age difference (roughly 2 years between) - But KNOW we couldn't have lived through the stress!

However, I love the differences between the kids. All three are creative and artisty (they didn't get it from me!) but in different ways and the middle one much more! All three love the sports they play, but the youngest is better for her age than the the other two were! Their looks are different girls are not built the same, and have different hair textures.

We both come from larger familes - and love the advantages and point them out to the kids. DS mentioned wanting to be an only child last week, and we said "Who would make you laugh if you didn't have sisters?" and within an hour he was histerical over something one had done! Time will only tell if our kids can keep the good relationship going.

However, I know the haircut dilema! I grew my own hair out & kept it long till a little over a year ago because it was hard to schedule an appointment for myself without kids! I cut dh & ds with the clippers (paid for itself with first haircut!) and the girls get their bangs trimmed between cuts by me, so they go 3-4 months between saloon visits! (I try to make it 2 months - but really need it by then!)

KellieS 06-15-2002 09:59 AM

Boy, I know how you feel! It would be so easy to spend every day thinking about what we don't have, or what we've got that we're not that crazy about. This seems like aimless thinking, really. It doesn't really contribute to your wellbeing, or your children's. I'd like to share a tiny bit of my story as an encouragement to you.

We had two kids, boy and girl, and had decided on a third -- Gracie, 4.5 years after our second was born. When Gracie came along, I was worn out! I kept asking myself, Why did we have another? Then one day, the older kids' school needed a substitute teacher. It paid $60. Boy, could I have used 60 bucks at that time! I remember the thought crossing my mind, "If I just didn't have Gracie...." I knew right then and there that I had to stop these thoughts right now, or she was going to have major self-esteem issues! I almost lost her once to asthma, and I knew from then on out that I DID want her in our family! She is five now, and one of the most delightful parts of my life. Admittedly, there are days when I'm just tired of being a mommy. This is just normal, considering that I've been a mom for SO LONG.

Let's face it, LIFE is inconvenient! It wouldn't matter if you didn't have any children. There's always going to be some "uncomfortable-ness" in your day. I think this is God's way of growing us and stretching us in the best ways -- even if it's painful. I think this is why the Bible tells us to "Rejoice in the Lord always!"

Don't forget that you're doing the one thing in the world that you know is right -- you're raising your own children. It is a SEASON, and not for a lifetime. Later, think of the regrets that you won't have just for hanging in there. You can do it!

Hope this helps!:) :)

Amanda 06-15-2002 01:28 PM

Thanks Kellie :) I don't want you to think that I feel this way all of the time :) Believe me, I wouldn't change things for anything, I love all of my little darlings more than anything in the world :heart: :heart:

I just wondered if there were others that have thoughts like that. It makes a person feel guilty when you have a rough day and start wondering "what if..."

That's all :) Thanks for all your insight though!

lawnangel 06-15-2002 09:57 PM

Wish I could help. I have 3 myself. I think parents who have only one child do not know what it's really all about!! If I stopped at 2 I wouldn't have my baby boy I wanted. I originally wanted 5 children, still do, but I think I would have been in a nut house by now. My middle one is my nightmare. My mother say's she is my payback. i just.............well...............I don't know...............the day ends and they look so cute sleeping, and I feel guilty for yelling, so I don't yell any more (as much) and I don't sweat the small stuff anymore. They need activity. As far as haircuts and shopping with all the kids, I do it on the weekends with dad so he can help. I've ended all the errands that needed to be done with the two younger ones together. I've learned that they don't do anything together in public where there is an escape route! Sometimes life is hard and I never get a break so I stay up late when all the kids are sleeping and "talk" to you ladies..........................thanks for being here and "don't sweat the small stuff - it's all small stuff" long as there's no blood....................:-P::

Amanda 06-16-2002 05:20 AM

Actually, I feel embarrassed and ashamed :. that I started this thread. When I started it, I had had a really rough day with the kids, I was suffering from PMS, and my dh wasn't home. He's been working 6 days a week and then doing a lot of running around on his day off. So I've been with the kids alone for a while. Plus last week was their first day of summer break, so I had all 4 at home.

I do not want anyone here to think that I regret having any of my children. I DON'T. I love them all sooo much! In fact, I was laying on the bed with Dominic (#4) last night and I've taught him how to tell me a story, instead of me telling him one. And it's just the cutest thing in the entire world listening to him in his "wittle" voice tell me all about giant green polar bears in the sky and how they like to eat chicken without barbecue sauce! LMAO Then he tells me not to laugh while he's telling me the story, but I just can't help myself. It's not laughing like it's funny, it's that overwhelming feeling of happiness that just makes the laughs ooze out, you just can't hold them in. ;)

Please, please, I hope noone here got the impression that I don't love my children or that I regret any of them. I wouldn't trade things the way they are for the world, I was just feeling a little depressed when I started this. Thanks for listening and please don't judge me too harshly :)

coacheswife 06-16-2002 06:46 AM

Hey, its ok to feel stressed and to vent it out. Its tough to raise a brood. But let me tell you to enjoy it all. My four are now ages 17-24 and it went sooo fast. Right now its great. When they are all together we now sit as adults and enjoy each others company tremendously. As they got older my kids had each other to things with. there was always someone in the family they could depend on. Even today ( i can from a family of six kids) and there is no one better I enjoy shopping with, having a dinner with etc that one of my siblings.
As they get older, the less you will have to do physically for them the easier it gets...but then the emotional parenting side kicks in.
and its a whole new ballgame. But nevertheless highschool was great fun and I am sad to see my last one entering into his senior year. Just remember, the most important thing is to be there always for matter what the age. My mom is still a great mother, and friend.

Belinda LaRoue 06-16-2002 01:40 PM

Dear Human Stressed Out Mom,
As I was reading all the replies you received I could really feel for you. I don't have but 2 boys, but man can they be a handful at times. I remember when I use to think I was the world's worst mom because some days I wanted to be anything but a mom. But as I've gotten older and the boys have grown, I've come to realize that I am no different than any other parent out there. I believe that as a whole we all do the very best we can at any given moment, so ease up on yourself. Kids at any age can be a handful, and if my two are any indication they both go bezerk at the same time. I've also noticed that when I'm really down on myself, that's when my boys show me in their own special way that being mom is the greatest joy of my life; just as your little guy did.

lawnangel 06-16-2002 06:13 PM

Hi! Please don't feel bad! We ALL have those days where we just want to give it all up and run away or worse, but we get through it. I don't know how sometimes but we do. Yes, three kids are alot harder than two. You wouldn't think one child could make such a difference but it really effects your whole life from day to day. I just keep telling my self, soon they will be grown and gone and I will have regretted the time I just "ignored" them for my piece of mind and just let them play alone without me even when they wanted me to play but I "just didn't feel like it". And my kids are still young, also, probably around the same ages as your kids. 9, 6, and just turned 4. Well, I guess I know where I can go when I am stressed and need to vent and I hope you feel the same........................keep your chin up and tell your kids constantly how much you love them, like I'm sure you do.

lawnangel 06-16-2002 06:20 PM

Just want to clarify the "blood" comment. I meant from the kids "fighting/playing" with each other.................... :-O

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