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Moms of 3 or More Do you have 3 or more children? Often times, parents with 3 or more kids face challenges that those of 1 or 2 just do not. This board was set up for those parents to ask others how they cope with issues such as making time for each child, who stays u

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 09-04-2002, 04:07 PM
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Ohhhh, s glad to see that I am normal!!!!! I have only 2 at this point, one who bounces off the walls and the other, well, he's 2!!! My husband is never, ever home and when they go to bed some nights, I have counted down the minutes for hours!!! I have come to realize, we are going to feel this way from time to time, because we are: human, need to give ourselves time to recharge, and need to sleep!!!! I cannot believe that there is any one out there who has never wanted a one way ticket to Tahiti.. believe I may have said that last night .. but when all is said and done we would give our lives for these little ones...... and to think, even after these days I still consider going for the third??? Could those pregnancies have damaged my brain......
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Old 09-16-2002, 06:31 PM
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I just need to vent, please! My son (5) just doesn't listen. He does what ever is in his head at the time. Tonight he ran out of the gas station into a parking lot and just kept running. I kept calling (yelling) (screaming) his name and he just didn't listen. I live in a small town and I know people were thinking the best of me. I just sent him to bed. I had a talk with him about why I was mad and told him that people might think that mommy is a bad mommy if they only hear me yelling at him. I also told him that the heavens would cry if he got hit by a car and died. I just can't seem to get it through his big thick head that he needs to listen. AAgghh!!! Now my other son (8) is reading a book to me that is not at his reading level and he is spelling every other word to me. I finally told him he needed to get something age approriate and he said "I'll just take it to school and read it." So I told him to spell the word and he kept reading. At least he is trying!

Thanks for listening!
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Old 09-23-2002, 11:47 AM
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I think more is really easier. I am a mom of 7 (six of my own and a "stray") The trick is in the spacing I think. my oldest was 20 when the youngest was born. At this time their ages are 25, 23, 19, 18, 10, 8 and 5. The youngest is an aunt to two 3 year olds and a 9 month old! The oldest 2 are married with their own families, the 23 yearold is in the Army and just signed up for 3 more years. He is currently stationed in Germany. The 19 yearold [our stray---he came to visit when he was 13 and never went home ( a very sad story, but a wonderful boy)] just graduated from Marine bootcamp (hear the pride in that?) Our 18yearold son graduated from highschool in May and works with his Dad. He still lives at home as do his 3 younger siblings.

We have 2 girls, the oldest child and the youngest child and 5 boys in between. Of those 5 boys, one is ADHD, 2 are ADD and exceptionally smart (IQ of more than 140) and 1 has ADHD, OCD, and various learning disabilities. The other boy (the 19 yearold) has his own emotional baggage from his earlier life.

All has not been a bed of roses, I will be the first to admit. We are a one wage earner family. I have for the most part been a stay at home mom, and I love it. If not for the fact that I now have grandchildren (and am 45) I would be tempted to have more. Children are a true gift from God. It says in the Bible that blessed is he who has his quiver full. and we are indeed blessed.

In the past 2 years we have taken in 2 homeless young people. One was 22, but not really ready to be on his own. He now has a steady job and his own place and will be getting married soon. The other was a 17 yearold girl who had been kicked out of her guardians home. She stayed until she graduated from high school and is now married and expecting her first child early next year. My home is always open to any child in need. We have had many who just need a haven for a weekend or so. We alway make sure parents know where their child is. It is so sad how many parents show little or no concern after their kids reach about 17 or 18. There is no magic age when they are ready to be on their own.

We try to instill in all children (our own or not) that they do have self worth. Moral integrity is also high on our list of needed virtues. A child will do as he is shown, not as he is told. Our church family is also a high priority in our home. Children are ours but for a short time, but God's forever. Don't just point your kids in the right direction, take them there.

Sure a large family can be a real strain, but for us it has been worth all the sacrifice. When things get tense, just remember, God gave you all the children you have because He thought you were up to the challenge!!! Count your blessings!

After reading this through, I thought I should say we call our extra child a "stray" with much love. He is the one who coined the term and it did take awhile for us to get used to it. We love and cherish him as much as the other 6.
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Old 11-20-2002, 05:38 AM
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sjrussell, I hope you can answer my question....currently I am the mom to 4 and think I might be pregnant again, not planned, but a special surprise. If my math is correct, you had one or more that was older than 13 when you had a new baby. What I want to know is what was the reaction of the teens? I am worried that my 2 teens will be upset.

I do agree with you that spacing does matter, but I wish all mine were closer together in age. My 2 oldest are 1 year apart, then there is 5 years between each of the following 2. But this time it would only be 3.5 years. I think if I am pregnant, I mighst as well "go for the sixth one" any comments.

Yes there are days when I ask myself what am I doing, but I worked full time with the first two, when they were little babies. Then I stayed at home since then but my 3rd was already in preschool when my 4th was born. I would love to have a couple at home with me to raise, and play together all day.

I guess if I am pregnant I will need to change my username.
Karen

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Old 11-20-2002, 06:30 AM
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Dear mom2-4,
Let the kids be part of this big event. You didn't say if your older 2 are boys or girls. My oldest (a girl) was 14 when my 4th was born. When the big day came she was right there with me. She stayed in the labor room and was present at delivery. I had my longest labor (8 hours) and my most difficult one (the baby weighed 9#2 oz. and was breech, something we were not prepared for). The next oldest was a boy, 12. He helped out by painting the crib and choosing the color (bright purple). He was very proud of it. the 3rd child was 7 and rather oblivious to all that was going on.

The whole timing thing in itself was rather stressful for all of us, though. My mother had flown in from Texas to help. The problem was that was the first time it really sunk in to the kids that Granny was really sick. She had terminal cancer (breast cancer), and was pretty much unable to care for herself. It snowed the day the baby was born and we had no heat in the house except for 2 little electric heaters! A loan finally went through so we could install central heat the day I was released from the hospital! (We had bought an old 3 story house 4 months earlier and it had no furnace).

I was so afraid my mom would die in her sleep (she slept with the oldest girl) that I was up and down all night checking on her and the baby. My mom wasn't even able to get up and down alone. I don't think she had realized how fragile she had become. (She lived another 6 months before she passed away peacefully in her sleep).

But back to your question, my older kids did act out a little when they first found out, but only a week or so. I didn't tell them I was expecting until it was becomming apparent, about my 5th month. I tried to keep them involved as much as possible with out cramming it down their throats. Anytime they could help with the decissions we let them. They helped decide on names. Not always a wise choice..........My next to the youngest has 3 names that don't really go together because they couldn't come to an agreement. So we have an Alexander Thomas Nathaniel Russell.
The youngest only has 2 actual names, but she is named for 2 grandmas and a greatgrandma. 2 of her names run together (CarolAnne Naomi Russell). But this made them (the older ones) feel they had a special part of the event.

My oldest was there for all 3 of the last births. She actually got to hold the last one before me, and they let her carry the baby to the nursery! It was a special time, I wish I had had all my children there for the last one. Should I ever have more I will have every one there. (I have a very easy time delivering). With the last I had an epidural (the first time I had ever used anything). She was born 3 hours after labor started and I never went into a hard labor. After birth I could have gone home almost immediately.

If there is anything else I can help with let me know. Good luck and God bless you.
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Old 11-24-2002, 12:27 PM
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The Orginal Question

Yes, I have some days when I think what life would have been like if I had stopped at one. You see, I am an only child and the whole sibling rivalry thing drives me completely insane! I have 3 girls with 23 months in between each and although they love each other dearly they also compete like you wouldn't believe! There are days that I wake up and wish that I could clean my house and it would stay that way for more than 30 seconds, there are days that I wish that I could run off and be by myself with no one to answer to and then there are those days that I want to keep the 2 that go to school home with me and the youngest one just so that I can be with them and do fun stuff. I think all of these feelings are normal! We are mothers and wives and lovers and nurses and teachers and bookkeepers and housekeepers and much, much more, but we are also women who need and deserve time to ourselves and sometimes when we haven't gotten the time we so badly need, I think we all get those thoughts. I do not feel guilty nor embarrassed about it, but I do use it as a way of telling myself that I need a break and then I tell DH that I need to get out and go to the bookstore.
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Old 11-25-2002, 10:12 AM
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I get the same thing from my kids all the time. They try to make you feel bad especially the older one. I have 5 one is on his own he is 22.One is 18 she is the one who hates being home because it gets to hectic and noisy for her with her younger 2 sisters and brother. I tell her she was once that young and it was not quiet all the time. But they forget. LOL and I love them all !! and they do get to you sometimes but it,s all worth it. And the grass is not greener on the other side.I know mothers who force their kids to be in all sorts of sports and such.It just looks nicer to you from your side. It,s not always. Be the best do the best and just love your kids. That,s what it,s about. Vicky
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Old 03-11-2003, 11:16 PM
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Hmmm...nobody has posted to this in a while, but I am going to say THANK YOU! There are just some things I am afraid to say out loud to anyone and this is one of them! WHY did I have 4 kids?! lol

I am the same as Amanda and some others though, it's not that I want them to go away...it's just that there are DAYS of such craziness. My last one has a genetic disorder and I feel like I'm ignoring the others since my baby gets a whole lot of needed attention. For the most part, I am thrilled to be the mommy of 4. Especially when we have one of those hug pile-ups on the living room floor. It doesn't get any better than that!
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Old 09-19-2003, 09:47 AM
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Hi, I'm new here and wanted to respond. I have had those thoughts too. My husband and I even talked about this- and felt horrible guilt! There was a time when we were having babies that we desired nothing more than a large family. But now that we are done (5 living, one in heaven), it seems impossible at times and we feel we shortchange the kids by never having "time" or "money" to spend with or on them. We've been blessed with some fantastic vacations and they remind us how we could do that more often for our children if we didn't have so many. Let me stress I don't want to lose any one of them! I love them all beyond description, but there are those times -like bedtime- when I am rushing from one bed to the other and yelling a quick "goodnight" and feel sad that I can't sit and read a story to each one. There are the times when friends buy happy meals for their "two" kids and we have to say no to our 5 because its too much. Taking them to a theater is outrageous- We're talking over a $100.00 evening just to see Nemo. Flying to grandparents is quite the investment of money and sanity. So yeah, if it makes you feel any better... I think its a very normal feeling and you are human for doing so. It doesnt' mean you're a bad mom or want to get rid of your children. More moms need to be honest and admit they've not always counted their blessings. By the way, after having these thoughts, I always end up realizing how blessed we are in many other ways. So poohy on that vacation to Tahiti, I get to experience every Christmas morning with a wild party of 7!
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Old 10-14-2003, 09:11 AM
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The only question I ever ask myself is why did I stop at 4 kids ? I made the mistake of getting a tubal when my son was born ( but it was mainly out of peer pressure since I was 22 years old with a newborn, 10 month old, 2 year old and 3 year old. ) but we are in the process of saving to get it reversed
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