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Moms of 3 or More Do you have 3 or more children? Often times, parents with 3 or more kids face challenges that those of 1 or 2 just do not. This board was set up for those parents to ask others how they cope with issues such as making time for each child, who stays u

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Old 08-04-2004, 04:35 PM
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Just One of Those Days....

This is "one of those days" for me....and for the past 5 minutes I have been listening to my older 2 bicker and comment and generally make a mess in the kitchen....
I am overhearing stuff like:
"OOOOOOO! It's STYROFOAM! That stuff never decomposes, you know."


I'm not sure I want to know....it may cause me to lose my mind, or what I have left of it....

I think it's time for me to go to bed earlier than my children tonight!

So, when you are having "one of those days" what do you do to get through it?
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Last edited by barbszy; 08-04-2004 at 04:42 PM.
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Old 08-14-2004, 04:53 PM
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I can so relate to "one of those days" I have 3 children and it seems some days they are always bickering and arguing over the smallest thing. The way I cope is to either separate them or give myself a time out. I do whatever I can to get away and get some peace. I will even go outside if I have to just to breath. And if they don't stop bickering, I give them chores to do. Usually all I have to do is threaten them with work and they work things out quickly. I also make sure to take time for myself on a regular basis like go to a movie or out for coffee just to make sure I get time away from my children. I think it definitely helps my mood and my patience level.
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Old 08-21-2004, 10:32 PM
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We learned that "Those Days" are days when we need to do something different. Suddenly decide to have a picnic in the park (or in the living room if the weather is bad). Or decide everyone needs to come to the library to pick out a new book or a movie.

If the kids are little you can decide that someone has too many tickles stuck inside and they need to let them out. A tickeling session helps everyone.

Or blow bubbles, or get out a squirt gun.

Or put on some great music and grab one of the kids to dance with you.

No one should have to live with bickering, not even a mother!

Love & Prayers,
Linda
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Old 08-26-2004, 07:22 AM
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I am a mother of 3 also, Alissa-6, Alexa-4.5, and Kyle-1. I thought my girls were the only ones that fought, bickered, and were generally mean to one another.. I have tried everything from being gentle and asking them to treat one another gently and like they would like to be treated to punishing them with time-outs and taking away privelages and now I am threatening to send them somewhere else to live.. I don't know what else to do. They fight over the smallest things, sayings, etc.. I treat each one equally and do not show any favoritism. When my son was born I involved them totally and still give them lots of freedom with their brother. Just yesterday I let each of them take him for a ride on their power wheel jeeps.. They they start fighting with who goes first-whoever asks first gets to go first. Last night they took a shower together and one had soap in her eyes and the other wouldn't let her rinse it out.. I have banned them from each other's rooms, playing with each other's toys, even banned them from speaking to each other.. I dont know what else to do... I now look forward to a glass of wine each day when I get home from work after picking them up at daycare..

Does anybody have any ideas for me?? I am going crazy at home.. Hubby works 2-3 full time jobs so he is not home to help.. I try to spend time with them after work on the swings, reading, playing, but now don't even want to be around them anymore..

Lisa
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Old 08-26-2004, 07:48 AM
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lablum, I will share a hint with you that I got from a friend of mine who also has children close in age. (It sounds like the baby really isn't the issue here).
She divides up the days....Monday, Wednesday, Friday are assigned to one child and Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday are assigned to the other. The "child of the day" gets to pick the stuff they fight about: who's first in the shower, who sits by the window, who picks the video....all that baloney. The other child knows that her day will come tomorrow.
Sunday is Family Day so there is no child of the day.

I did use this method with my Big Kids a couple of summers ago. Now they are older so the bickering is of a different sort, and mostly related to the age difference. I have a son 12, a daughter 8 and a son 2.

I hope this idea helps you
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Old 08-26-2004, 07:54 AM
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barbszy

Thanks for the tip.. The baby is not the problem here. Actually, he has gotten used to the loud noises and bickering.. The newest bickering is over a kitten we just got. We had 2, one disappeared, then went to the shelter to look for him and came home with 2 others. The older one thinks the kitten is hers but it is not and they fight about that. I usually put the kitten outside if the girls are going to fight. My new tactic is trying not to get in the middle and I keep repeating "work it out, I don't want to hear it".. Let's see how far that gets me. Everybody tells me that the bickering will lessen and then new things will start..

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Old 08-26-2004, 08:11 AM
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My philosophy is not to get involved in any bickering/tattling unless someone is bleeding or something is broken. Otherwise I don't want to hear it. It is not my job to be the referree.
If my kids (or their friends) are fighting over toys they get one warning: share it, take turns, or I'll take it away. For really little ones (under 5) I'll set the timer for turns but I think past this age they can do that themselves or find a way to share.
My kids have learned that I mean it when I say it.

I do want to throw this out there and I certainly don't mean any offense by it but it is my observation in other families with children close in age (especially same-gender children close in age). It seems to me that when the parent bends over backwards to make sure everything is equal (and I have seen ones who go so far as to dress the kids alike even though they are 2 years apart), the kids are MORE likely to squabble over nothing. I think that if they have different clothes, privileges (based on age and ability), toys and other stuff, they learn to deal with each other's differences rather than expecting everything to be the same.

My sister and I have talked about this a lot. Her children are quite close in age and her 2 younger ones, daughters, are 20 months apart. She never tries to make sure they have the same. Equivalent is one thing. You will never get to equal. Her youngest daughter is the queen of "What about me?" but it falls on deaf ears...."It's not your turn." We know the same people who try to make everything equal for their children and we've seen the trouble it has caused among the kids.
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Old 08-26-2004, 09:59 AM
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barbszy

I agree totally about different ages get different privelages. I have a close friend who is 3 years apart from her sister and she always told me to dress them differently from day 1 and I do. The older one has chores that she can handle and gets allowance, the younger one doesn't have any chores yet but doesn't get allowance. When she reaches the same age as her sister was when she started doing chores then she will get an allowance. The younger one always asks why her sister can go on sleepovers or someplace and she doesn't like the answer that when she gets to be her age she can do the same. When I say equal I mean each one gets the same amount of time on the computer, with a toy, and picking favorite tv shows. I try to do things with each of them separately but it is hard. The older one does a lot of activies outside the home and that is when I spend special time with the middle one since she isn't old enough to participate in certain activities. I was basically an only child so I didn't have these examples...

I am hoping once school starts they will each have their own thing and won't be around each other 24/7.

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Old 08-26-2004, 10:15 AM
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We have a thread where we've been discussing "alone time" with each child. You and I have some similar time issues in the sense that our DH's aren't around to take one child while we are with the other....my DH works full time and goes to school full time as well. I am a stay at home mom but I know the importance for each child of having individual time with their parents.

http://www.familycorner.com/forums/s...threadid=10936

It sounds to me like you are on the right track with your Big Girls. The thing is to stick with it, and just hang in there. Some of it might be the ages they are. Once they grow up it will be something else!
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Old 08-26-2004, 10:19 AM
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barbszy

Thanks for the advice. I will also check out that forum.. My problem is that sometimes I make the punishment without thinking about it first and sometimes it is just impossible to follow through with so I have to learn to think about it before I react.. I am pretty good about following through with things that I say but sometimes the whining and pleading and crying just drive me up a wall and I say whatever.. They know whatever means do what you want.. Now that school is starting the rules are going to be in full force with no exceptions..

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