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  #31 (permalink)  
Old 08-19-2002, 12:35 PM
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Well, I don't know what happened to the reply I was typing, so here goes again!!! If the first one comes through, it will definitely be incomplete!!! LOL

Thank you sugarspicenpuppytails for your kind words!! I too think my son was in terrible pain and is in peace in heaven now. I think he must have felt like there wasn't any other alternative for him at that time. He was only 18!!

I think you are on the right track as far as what signs to watch for. My son had had a previous suicide attempt about 6-7 months before his last. He was hospitalized for 3 days by a psychiatrist who was assigned to his case. The psychiatrist didn't feel there was a problem even though my husband and I tried telling him there were plenty of reasons for our son to be depressed!! (Our son had cystic fibrosis, asthma, and was ADHD.) But the psychiatrist didn't know him like we did and felt it was not really depression and discharged him. My husband felt the dr. must know his stuff but I had my doubts. So if nothing else, listen to your instincts!!

I know exactly how you feel about discussing your depression with your kids. When my depression first really started (that I know of), my daughter was about 7 and my son about 16. I had had a hysterectomy (including ovaries) and I think that was the beginning of the real thing for me. I think in the 10 years prior to that, I probably had mild depression from time to time, but after the hysterectomy things really started to change. I was put on hormones the week before my hysterectomy so I would guess that wasn't to blame but who knows? But to get back to discussing it with your kids/in front of your kids, I am really torn, even still today!! If I do, I feel like I am giving them ideas. If I don't, I feel like I am not being totally honest with them and hiding things (which I am). I had a near fatal suicide attempt about 2 years before my son. Did I put that idea into his head? We'll never know....I live with that guilt all the time!! But also when you stop to think about not telling them/discussing it in front of them, it's the "not knowing" about something that is really scary!!! So I do not know which way is best.

(Sorry, had to stop and wipe my tears!!) I am doing better these days but it has taken a long time and so many medications. I think I must be a long way from being able to say I am doing "good" because I fall back into "not wanting to go on" so very easily!! All it takes is for something to go wrong and I am back to thinking that I just can't do it anymore. But I haven't acted on it but that one time so I guess that says something!! I sure can't handle any stress at all!! Does that happen to anyone else? The least little thing is stressful for me. I am still seeing a psychiatrist and also 2 counselors. The one counselor I have seen since before my depression; actually started seeing her for stress!! The other counselor is her husband and they are both psychologists.

From all the replies to the first question about Zoloft, it shows that none of us are alone in this!!! Kathy
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  #32 (permalink)  
Old 08-19-2002, 06:05 PM
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Thanks again for replying Kathy. It must be hard for you to be so open but I'm very glad you're willing to talk about your experiences. You can call me Sugar for short if you want - I know it sounds funny but its easier or maybe SSPT?

Your son sure had a lot to deal with for an 18 year old. Cystic Fibrosis on its own is no walk in the park. I didn't realize you have lived through a suicide attempt. I'm glad you're still here and obviously God had other plans for you...

I'm not sure I understand about your medication.s - are they not making you feel a lot better?

As for talking to our kids, I guess some things in life can't be cut and dry. I'll just see as time goes by.

I hope you had a good day and will keep you in my thoughts.
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  #33 (permalink)  
Old 08-19-2002, 06:47 PM
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HI EVERYONE

It has been several days since I have been able to be in here long enough to write anything. It is very crazy around here and I am not handling it very well at all.

Janet ask me what a manic phase is like. The only way I know to discribe it is that I feel like I am about to explode and it doesn't really matter. I think I can do anything I try and I try to make everyone as "happy" as I am. (really far from happy but ---) I spend money like I have an unending pocket. Have gotten us into several really bad financial situations.

Yes bipolar runs in families. Right now along with me my niece and a nephew have been dx. I think that when they finally get my grd dx fully she will be have bipolar on her long list of problems. My mother has never been dx but she has all the signals - she has just done a wonderful job of hiding them and living with her problems. She is 90 and lives a cheerful rewarding life taking care of others. While she was recovering from a broken hip and then a terrible infection in her wound she did get very depressed and had a hard time staying "up"

Thank you everyone for all that you have been willing to share. You are an inspiration to me. You all seem to be working so hard to regain your productive life. I won't try to respond to each of you individually just know I have listened to what you have said and I'm here for you if you ever need me. My e-mail addyis in my profile and I'd be glad to hear from you. .

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  #34 (permalink)  
Old 08-19-2002, 08:19 PM
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You're right....Sugar or SSPT is a lot easier!! LOL

Yes, my son did have an awful lot to deal with. He was always so impulsive, which we attributed to his ADHD but I often wonder if he wasn't that way because of his Cystic Fibrosis. Maybe he figured he didn't have long anyway??

Yes, I think you are right too about God having other plans for me cause the doctor said my overdose was a lethal amount and by all rights, most people wouldn't have survived it. I was in a coma for 3 days but other than some forgetfulness, I don't think there have been any other after-effects from it. And the forgetfulness could be age, meds, etc.

As for my meds, I do feel better a lot of the time but I also have nothing to fall back on when things don't go well. I don't really know how to explain it except that the least little thing can go wrong and it's enough to make me not want to go on. It's like I can't handle the least bit of stress of something going wrong. Doesn't anyone else have that happen?

Thanks for all your kind words!! Kathy
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  #35 (permalink)  
Old 08-20-2002, 12:46 PM
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Yes Kathy I know just what you are talking about. That is what I live most of the time. I have to really work at not falling apart with each stressor that happens - good or bad. Have you tlaked to your doc about it - I think he can give you something that will help you get over those times.

With all that has happened to you lately your mind and body are just overloaded and you need to have time to get over everything before you are hit with something new but unfortunitly life does go on when we wre in that overload place and about the only way I know of stoppping the new stressor from happening is to go into a coccoon - I head for the psych unit at the hospital.:mad: At least in there I don't have to deal with what is happening on the outside. Of course after a few days I have to go back out and face things again but I at least have had a little while to reload before I do.

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  #36 (permalink)  
Old 08-20-2002, 04:17 PM
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Well thank heaven I'm not the only one getting stressed out over being stressed!!!! LOL

I don't think I could handle going into the psych unit again!! I was in there for 2 weeks after my suicide attempt and that was enough to make me go crazy!!!! I had to use a plastic fork and spoon (no knife allowed, not even plastic), I was "checked on" every 15 minutes around the clock, I was not allowed to leave the floor til the last 2 days there, etc. etc.!!! Nope, no way!!!

I have told my one counselor of my stress but maybe not recently. I probably haven't mentioned it to the other counselor and not sure about my psychiatrist. So I should probably do that!! Thanks for the idea!!

Had an ok day today. Hope everyone else had a good one!!
Kathy
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  #37 (permalink)  
Old 08-21-2002, 09:04 AM
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I have never written anything on this before, but I was reading where ya'll were having trouble finding information about Paxil and weight gain. Go to www.google.com and type in paxil (under 'find'). There is tons of information about Paxil. On google, you can also type in the name of any other kind of antidepressant and get all the information anyone would ever want.
Hope this helps.
Rustee Rose
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  #38 (permalink)  
Old 08-21-2002, 09:25 AM
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Hi Everyone,

I see this is a common ailment with us women. I don't feel so bad, not ashamed. I'm not too thrilled with taking drugs but I will give it a try. I don't know how long I can afford it. Anyway........ I just still want to thank all of you for being so open and sharing the pains in your life. We all must take comfort in knowing that God is, and always will be, on our side.

Can't wait for FALL
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  #39 (permalink)  
Old 08-21-2002, 01:31 PM
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Debbie, go ahead and give the medication a try. But you have to give it at least 6 weeks because it can take that long in some people to get results. But don't stop taking it when you start to feel better cause you will end up right back where you were!!

As far as cost, ask your doctors for samples!!! All doctors have these and usually bunches!!! My doctor gives me samples and has a whole closet of all kinds of samples!! Also be sure and share with your doctor that money is tight and you may not be able to afford the medications. I can't imagine him /her not finding a way to make it possible for you to afford them.

I'm going to go to the Google as someone else mentioned and see what they have to say about the Paxil CR. I still don't notice any side effects from it!!! Kathy
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  #40 (permalink)  
Old 08-21-2002, 02:16 PM
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Hi Kathy,

Thank You. Yes, I will ask my Dr about samples, and you are right, I cannot, either, see that she wouldn't help me feel better. If all else fails I will get them on the internet from Canada, like one of the other ladies suggested. What a remarkable savings compared to getting them here.

Thanks again. I'll keep you posted.

P.S. To add stress to my daily life, the owners of our house have decided to sell, so we have to move into a condo. It is small and more expensive!! But I guess it's better than nothing. Bummer. Maybe it is a blessing in desguise because we have been wanting to move to the East - Mid-West, but we have to wait a year, so I'll have stuff packed sitting in the garage -I hate that!

Talk to ya later..............
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