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  #121 (permalink)  
Old 09-17-2002, 10:10 PM
Lifestar's Avatar
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After many years of living with a man who sounds just this way, one bad temper flare caused me to decide to pack up my kids and my bags and head out.

I had told him so many times it wasn't what he said but how he said it...that it was how he handled his anger that wasn't healthy... how he spoke to the girls that wasn't OK not what he had to say...

Anyway, just the sight of me leaving...I had dropped the kids off at a friend's, and come home to pack. He didn't want me to go. We had a long heart to heart talk. I told him the only way I would stay was if he went to counselling, and that if he wasn't going to be able to control his anger, that he wouldn't be around the kids...

He agreed. It's been 2 months and things are so much better. Better than it's been in ten years. We just couldn't tell our daughters that this is the kind of relationship that's OK.

I'm not saying it was abusive...It just wasn't healthy. And sometimes you just have to draw the line somewhere. I just knew that this was not the kind of relationship I wanted to model for my children. I wanted them to know this wasn't OK or healthy, and if they found themselves in a situation like this...that they would know to get help or get out.

And G-d bless my husband he agreed with that logic. He actually went to councelling for his daughters' sake.
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  #122 (permalink)  
Old 09-18-2002, 07:42 AM
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Lifestar, I am so happy for you that you and your husband were able to talk things out!!! That is saying a lot that you two were able to sit down and talk things out!!! I hope things continue and get even better!!! Both of you must be very strong people!!

Amanda, as far as reporting your doctor, I would start with the American Medical Association (AMA). If that is not the correct place, surely they could direct you to the correct one. I too think she should be reported!!! Makes you wonder if she was even listening to you or reading her nurse's notes!!! Doctors like that need to be removed from the system!!!

Things are going ok on this end other than just being so busy and so much needing to be done!!! It just never ends!!! That is one thing that stresses me out more than just about anything at this point in my life!!! I tell myself the things will still be waiting here for me til I get to them but it sure gets overwhelming!!!
Hope everyone has a good "hump" day!!! Kathy
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Old 09-18-2002, 09:13 AM
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anti depressants

ggg

I too have been on some form of medication for years. Prozac worked great, I lost weight but had no feelings good or bad, so off I went, tried Paxil for me it was like eating candy, nothing happened. I went down hill so fast it made my head spin. Off paxil and on to zoloft. Zoloft was my saviour but it sure took a high dosage (200mg) per day. After 2 years I started to get violent headaches and uncontrolable rage. Apparently these are normal side effects when taking high dosages. So the dosage was lowered and the depression came back. No they have put me on Celex, I've only been on it for 2 weeks or so so I can't really tell. What I do know is that it it weren't for the drugs I wouldn't be here now. And what's worse it that changing meds. has started those old feelings back up, so it's off to the Doc. to see if I can get a higher dosage.
Anyways thanks for letting me rant, it's helpful to know there are more people out there like myself.
I know depression runs in my family (both sides) now I have to keep an eye out for my kids and hopefully catch it before it catches them.

Thanks for listening (reading)
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Old 09-19-2002, 10:38 AM
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Kathy,

I agree with everything you said 100%. Thanks.

Sandy,

Thanks alot for the offer. I'll add your address to my address book. It's nice to have someone to talk to.

Val,

Thanks so much for sharing. I'm glad you stood your ground for your kids' sake and that it turned things around for you. I'll keep this stored away to call upon if that time comes for me. My husband is the really defensive type and only seems to want to start fights with me when he's under pressure. Maybe it's some sort of outlet for him. There's no talking to him when he gets this way and his anger always gets out of hand. He usually cools down fairly fast (I don't) after he's spouted off all he wants and later realizes he's wrong and apologizes. It's always the same pattern. Really frustrating.
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  #125 (permalink)  
Old 09-19-2002, 01:07 PM
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Natalie..that's the same thing here...I left for the night after he put his fist through the walls, It had happened before, but never in fron tof the kids. ...

Came home in the morning and he apologized...realized he "lost it"... The kids were at a friends house (from the night before) and I sat with him and told him, I can't let them think that's is OK for a wife to stay with a husband who behaves that way. Whould he want them staying with a husband who acted that way toward them???

That was the turning point.

So good luck..

I hope it works out for you guys too.

VAl
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  #126 (permalink)  
Old 09-19-2002, 03:56 PM
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lbm973pr - welcome to this thread and thanks for sharing!


Natalie, I really think you should consider doing what Lifestar did. It takes drastic measures for change to happen sometimes. What worries me is that you think the possibility is there for him to physically hurt you. I'm not at all sure about this but it sounds to me like your husband might be more likely to need help with anger rather than depression. Does anyone else have any thoughts on this? Is anger often associated with depression?
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Old 09-19-2002, 04:48 PM
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I do not remember ever seeing anger listed as any of the signs of depression. I don't remember ever being asked by the doctors if I have been angry either. So you may be on to something here!! Maybe someone else knows more of the facts than I do! LOL Kathy
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  #128 (permalink)  
Old 09-19-2002, 06:43 PM
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Studies show that IN MEN anger IS a symptom of depression.. (as is agression, hostility, and dysphoria ), much more so than in women. This is especially true in adolescent males.

I read this in a JAMA article not long ago.
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  #129 (permalink)  
Old 09-20-2002, 03:09 PM
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Hi Natalie. I sure can feel for you. My husband put me through a lot of hell over the years. It got to the point that I needed to talk to my pastor at the time. He helped me through alot of rough times in my life. One day our pastor at that time, Father Mathis, came to our home for dinner. Just his being here , I feel, made a world of difference. My husband finally made an appointment to see our family physician and talked to her about all his irritability, anger over the past years and how he had a hard time controlling it. She talked to him and explained that he was dealing with anxiety and depression. I thank God that he went to see the doctor and was prescribed Prozac. Over a period of time I could see the difference. He also saw a psychotherapist for a while which also helped him.

To me it was a miracle that this man would even consider seeing the doctor and talk out his problems.

I wish you the best. I hope you have a pastor or counselor who you can confide in. In the end this helped me greatly.

Please feel free to email me if you need to talk. My address is [email protected].

Valerie M.
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  #130 (permalink)  
Old 09-20-2002, 06:08 PM
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Thanks for the info Lifestar - I learned something new today. It's interesting that the symptoms can be different in men than women.


For a person to change that person has to WANT to change, no one can do it for them. What a spouse can do however is to get that person to an objective counsellor.
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