Visit FamilyCorner.com for tons of seasonal ideas!
quick link - go to our home page quick link - kid's crafts, family fun, printables, etc quick link - sign up for our free newsletter quick link - holiday crafts, recipes and ideas quick link - gardening, organizing, saving money, decorating and more quick link - our FunBook is filled with lots of quick ideas, tips and crafts quick link - join our bustling community of friendly members


Go Back   FamilyCorner.com Forums > Relationships > Marriage & Divorce > Marriage

Marriage Marriage is a huge comittment, one that has many ups and downs. Get support and advice here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 10-02-2002, 02:29 PM
Amanda's Avatar
Moderator
FamilyCorner Fanatic
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: southeast Wisconsin
Posts: 4,487
Emotionally unsupportive spouses

I LOVE my husband with all my heart. No doubt about it He is the love of my life and I can't imagine any other

However, my DH is very lacking in the emotional support department. When the stresses of mommy life get to me, he calls me "crabby". Yet when he asks what's wrong and I tell him, he basically gives me the "get over it" attitude and thinks I'm making mountains out of mole hills. :-(

As many mothers are, I am multitasking to put it lightly. ;-) Included in a standard week for me are:

-Getting 4 kids ready for school
-Making lunches
-Making dinner
-Doing homework with 3 kids
-Managing a VERY active 3 yr old
-Cleaning this house
-Laundry for 6 people
-Take care of the pets
-Mom Taxi
-Managing this website and all 10 of the newsletters
-Handling orders from my craft shop
-3 days per week I work at my DH's transmission shop with 3 yr old in tow

Now let's throw in the sibling fights, constant nagging I have to do about taking shoes off, doing homework, cleaning up your mess, etc, etc, etc.

I could go on forever! Sure, I get crabby and I think I have a right to! I just wish that he would be a little comforting, or would listen to me vent now and then and just tell me that I'm doing a good job and that it's going to be ok.

Anyone else in this boat with me? I hate to float down this river alone! LOL
__________________
Forum Administrator

visit my blogs:
Amanda's Cookin'
Crafts by Amanda
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 10-02-2002, 03:03 PM
Juliecc913's Avatar
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Groupie
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Overland Park, Kansas
Posts: 545
Amanda, I can kind of relate to your situation. My husband works two jobs so he isn't available much to help out and gets kind of crabby because he's so tired. Our four year old is a handful and I'm with him all day everyday except for 7 1/2 hours a week (he goes to preschool MWF for 2 1/2 hours). Today, at lunch Rob was being annoying (sorry, the only way to put it) and hubby just lost it and blew a gasket. I'm sitting there thinking uh huh what do you think I've been saying--this is my daily life.

I, like you, love my husband and children--sometimes though we just need to be able to vent and have our SO symphathize, emphatize, etc--not try to fix it or tell us to deal with it.

Sorry you're having a rough time at home--we all appreciate you very much for giving us this wonderful site.

Take care.
__________________
Julie
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 10-02-2002, 06:10 PM
Amanda's Avatar
Moderator
FamilyCorner Fanatic
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: southeast Wisconsin
Posts: 4,487
Thanks Julie I just realized that I am the only one who puts all the kids to bed too! Sheesh!

Now don't get me wrong, DH works very hard every day, and I am not asking for him to help me in any way with housework or even the kids. All I want is, like you said, a little sympathy or empathy! Either one will do. LOL
__________________
Forum Administrator

visit my blogs:
Amanda's Cookin'
Crafts by Amanda
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 10-03-2002, 12:59 AM
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Junkie
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,612
I can relate Amanda.

My husband is a wonderful father and husband and provider... BUT there are times where I can smack him).

He too works a very long day. He leaves at 7am and does not get until until 7pm and most of the time later then that. So by the time he gets home, he eats and goes to bed.

I do EVERY THING else.... I cook, clean, take out the garbage, cut the lawn, etc.... He gets to play with Hunter for a while and then off to bed.

So if I have a gripe and want to vent I will do it. He will them sday .. Well get a job.. Now my top have totally blown off and I am really ticked off.

Well things calm down and he tells me he is sorry and loves me and I girpe to him more and then he will finally listen and understand.

Don't get me wrong, the get a job thing only happens on a rare occasion but that was unsupportive.

So lets get those paddles and start floating
__________________
Recipe Kitchen
http://www.recipekitchen.com
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 10-05-2002, 08:03 AM
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Admirer
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Dallas/Fort Worth, TX
Posts: 210
Amanda honey, we hear you loud and clear! And sympathize too. I think many of us feel that way, but don't want to actually put it in writing anywhere. I love my husband, but I'm 'crabby' too!

I think its a Mars/Venus thing. many husbands just don't get it, and probably never will. He might understand or empathize if he has to experience your day for himself once in a while. DH can relate to my frustrations about the kids when he gets frustrated about them too, but he just doesn't get my frustration with him or his lack of support.

As for household support, he thinks going to work, heating up pop tarts for breakfast, and taking out the trash twice a week is an adequate contribution to the household. I disagree, but have given up expecting any more without nagging. He's frequently telling the kids how hard 'we' work around here, but most of the time I feel it's me doing the lion's share (laundry, shopping, dinner, taxi, homework, housecleaning, etc). With many things, he has good intentions, but rarely follows through.

As for emotional support, he's a great listener when I have issues with other people, work, or school. But if the issue is with anyone in our house, or MIL, he avoids me. Doesn't want to hear it, doesn't want to deal with it. It's very frustrating.

We have to just keep working at it! Even if sometimes we feel like we're rowing alone! Keep up the good work. Dawn
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 10-29-2002, 01:30 PM
Txchef_fran's Avatar
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Groupie
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: DFW, Texas
Posts: 413
shocking We're all in the same boat!

Well girls it looks like we are all in the same boat! I myself have all the same complaints but I also work a full time job, bring home more money than my husband and I am still expected to do all of the "house"work. Well after many months of nagging I decide (after listening to Dr. Phil) to either change some things or accept it. I have personally done both. Coincidentally my husband and I had a discussion Friday becuase I said I wish I had more time to go to the gym and lose some of my weight. He said so go. I said it is easier than you think. I can not just go, I have a full time job, a 2 and a half hour a day commute and then must make dinner, do laundry and other "chores" and run my step son all over town for soccer and back to his mothers house becuase we didn't feel it was fair that he could not play soccer because she woul;dn't take him (Oh yeah I also run a home business) Men being the simple creatures simply stated well stop doing some of the things you do. I decide he was right. I quit doing laundry, trash and recycling adn told him Sunday he was right and that I decided I was going to "quit" laundry, trash and recycling. He was shocked!! I don't think that is what he expected but he agreed he needed to do more around the house and that if by him doing these few things it would make me happy then he would do it. He actually DID all of the laundry on Sun (wash, dry, hang, fold, put away and IRONED!) After I told him doing laundry involved more than just washing and drying. WISH I WOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING SOONER!! I still do a whole lot more than him but hey I can accept baby steps!
__________________
Until we "meat" again, break an "egg"

TX Chef Fran
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 10-29-2002, 01:37 PM
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Admirer
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Dallas/Fort Worth, TX
Posts: 210
Hurray for you! Enjoy your time at the gym! Dawny
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 10-29-2002, 01:48 PM
Amanda's Avatar
Moderator
FamilyCorner Fanatic
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: southeast Wisconsin
Posts: 4,487
Re: We're all in the same boat!

Quote:
Originally posted by Txchef_fran
Men being the simple creatures simply stated well stop doing some of the things you do. I decide he was right. I quit doing laundry, trash and recycling adn told him Sunday he was right and that I decided I was going to "quit" laundry, trash and recycling. He was shocked!! I don't think that is what he expected but he agreed he needed to do more around the house
Wow that is great! And wha t afunny to go about it too LOL!

And dawny, thank you for your words of encouragement It's nice to know there are others in this boat too eh? LOL
__________________
Forum Administrator

visit my blogs:
Amanda's Cookin'
Crafts by Amanda
Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 11-08-2002, 11:26 AM
emajmom's Avatar
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Groupie
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Renfrew
Posts: 316
Re: Emotionally unsupportive spouses

Quote:
Originally posted by FamilyCorner
I LOVE my husband with all my heart. No doubt about it He is the love of my life and I can't imagine any other

However, my DH is very lacking in the emotional support department. When the stresses of mommy life get to me, he calls me "crabby". Yet when he asks what's wrong and I tell him, he basically gives me the "get over it" attitude and thinks I'm making mountains out of mole hills. :-(
My husband and yours must be cut from the same cloth,,,mine says the exact same thing.....
He just doesnt understand!!!
But when he gets upset the world stops turning....
He has a lot to learn about comforting and being there when it really counts..He just says get overit...or says i'm milking it....Men!!!
As you said it would be nice to get a "the house looks good" or "here hun go have a bath and I'll watch the kids".....
Like that will ever happen...LOL
__________________


LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND, AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE
Reply With Quote
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 11-08-2002, 11:52 AM
janet's Avatar
Nine Year Member
FamilyCorner Addict
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Up North Michigan
Posts: 6,474
Amanda, I know exactly how you feel....the last place I worked was a very demanding job with lousy hours and people who I call are slackers....they would spend all their time pretending to work, then actually working so it was tough on me. After 7 yrs of a lousy schedule, awful hrs and shifts...I say, time to get out of here alive! And I left.. I had the same thing at home as you except I only had 1 child, so my life was a breeze compared to yours.lol

My DH helps me out alot now and with watching our money and being frugal...the paycheck isn't missed! I was shocked about that, I didn't think it could be done, but it can!!!

What my husband and I do is split the work, he doesn't mind washing dishes and I do so he does them...I do the laundry thing and he is glad of that! Sometimes we cook meals together and other times maybe one of us does the cooking. We seem to NOW have a balance in our household and we all are happy.

My DS is very happy now since he knows I am at home now and he doesn't mind when I tell him, no big vacation this year, or we can't purchase everything he wants...he says he is just glad I am at home, no so crabby, and have energy for fun things too! Gee, I was so happy to hear that!

So try to find a balance. I think being a mother is the most important and the hardest job we have as being a Mom.

So everyone sit down with hubby and make a list..you will be surprised at how well you can compromise. I know I just love it when my hubby takes out the trash...I just hate that! lol

As far as the emotions, men response so much different than women...find your best girlfriend and go to lunch and chat..try to go once a month at least...it really refreshes you and you will be charged up to tackle the world again!

janet
__________________
Janet






A kind word never broke anyone's mouth.
~ Irish Proverb~
Reply With Quote
 
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Your spouse's best traits!!! trainlady Marriage 26 07-19-2008 08:26 PM
Any Changing Spouses Fans?? hummingbird_0331 Idle Chit Chat! 52 01-27-2008 06:26 AM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 05:57 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.1
Copyright 1997-2012, FamilyCorner.com Magazine, Inc. an Internet Brands company

POPULAR AREAS OF FAMILYCORNER.COM

Our Family FunBook is packed full of ideas from parents just like you!

Our members say that they have never found a friendlier message board community than ours!

Our kid's craft section is filled with easy ideas for creative little minds.

We have tons of free printable coloring pages to keep your little ones happy.

We offer a wide variety of free newsletters delivered right to your inbox.

Our Household Hints & Tips have a wealth of information on cleaning, organizing, and more!
Go to the funbook Go to forums Go to kid's crafts Go to printables Go to newsletters Go to Hints & Tips

Home || Newsletters || Advertising || Terms of Use || Privacy || Services || Submissions || Contact Us || Media Opportunities || Link To Us || Shop || Feedback || Staff || e-Cards || Reminder Service



FamilyCorner.com® is sponsored in part by...




Visit our friends --> MomsMenu | Main Street Mom | She Knows | Baby University | Personal Fitness Zone | iChef.com

Copyright Notice | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use/Disclaimer