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Marriage Marriage is a huge comittment, one that has many ups and downs. Get support and advice here.

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Old 07-04-2013, 06:10 PM
Amanda's Avatar
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Does marriage counseling really work?

My husband and I have been together for 30 years, married for 21 years. We have had some pretty serious issues in the last few years and our relationship is seriously strained. I think it's more strained from my point of view than it is from his. He thinks because he has corrected certain behaviors that things should automatically go back to normal. It's not quite working that way for me.

I am seriously considering going to a marriage counselor. Has anyone here ever been? Did it help you? Was the solution long term or just a band-aid?

I'm just not sure if I want to dive into something that is so costly if it's really not a permanent solution.
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Old 07-05-2013, 08:49 AM
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Hugs Amanda. Been there, done that. If you are wanting opinions or advice for yourself then try it. A friend got me to read and try Surrendered Wife. It did not work for me. Well some of it did. Remember you can't fix anyone but yourself.
Don't stay were you are tolerated, go where you are celebrated!
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Old 07-14-2013, 08:16 AM
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I can speak as someone who has received marriage counseling and conducted marriage counseling as a therapist. It can work IF, both partners are open to being honest and making changes and the therapist knows what he/she is doing. But, both partners have to be willing to make some changes and understand that past negative behaviors or problems do not go away over night. It takes time and work for things to get better.
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Old 11-09-2013, 12:50 AM
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Hello Amanda, It is really quite shocking to know that such a great relationship (for more than 30 years) has been jeopardized. But I will suggest you that don't lose hope. Maybe you do not find any solutions but please hold patience. Believe that, you definitely have the explanation to find the way outs. I can suggest you that please rewind your thinking and think it impartially. We do not find our faults and instead of that crucified others. Although it is natural, but sometime it encourages problem and bad relationship. May God bless you.
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Old 11-16-2013, 07:19 PM
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I agree with what DeBora said. I was going to say the same thing.

"To live fully, we must learn to use things and love people, and not love things and use people."

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Old 11-17-2013, 07:40 AM
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What Debora said. Plus, forgiveness. I found this in my Amplified Bible when I was going through my divorce nearly 40 years ago:
Matthew 6:15 But if you do not forgive others their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses.
I had to forgive and give up any thought of revenge or tit-for-tat. It really helped in my marriage now of 36+ years.
I did a private study of LOVE in the Bible, and found that to God, it doesn't matter how I *feel* at the moment, it matters what I *do* and what I *say*. It's all in I Corinthians 13 [I Corinthians 13 AMP - If I [can] speak in the tongues of men - Bible Gateway].
When I FELT irritation, anger, exasperation, or other negative emotions coming on, I would take a deep breath and let it out, then put on a "bright face." Emotions are things we can control - especially if we get on top of them early and fast.
So are the thoughts that go with those emotions. Just tell them to go away, and quickly think of something else - preferably something pleasant and unrelated to the current situation.
I could only change myself, and so, I did. It took time and I had to really work at it. It was the hardest thing I ever did. But it was more than worth it. No matter what happens, I know I can face it and get on with my life.
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Old 11-17-2013, 09:11 AM
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Amanda, I have been to marriage counseling. It does work if both partners are honest and willing to make the changes or do the work the counselor suggests. Both partners have to be willing to work hard and really listen. If you find a good counselor that you both can connect with it can work wonders but if the first counselor you try doesn't seem to be right for you, don't give up - find a new counselor and keep looking until you find one that feels right for you and who you are comfortable with. It isn't easy but it does work.
“Before you speak, it is necessary for you to listen, for God speaks in the silence of the heart.”

[CENTER]~Mother Theresa
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