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Go Back Forums > Relationships > Marriage & Divorce > Marriage

Marriage Marriage is a huge comittment, one that has many ups and downs. Get support and advice here.

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Old 05-06-2011, 06:22 AM
Lifestar's Avatar
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Husband ignored our anniversary!?!?

I'm so upset right now!! Yesterday was my (our) 26th wedding anniversary. And basically my husband has ignored (not forgotten about) it.

But let me explain

This whole week, Dh is away on a training exercise for the Sheriff's department. He is on the Marine Unit, and they went upstate to train on a large lake with many other departments from around the state. He's been calling every night, sometimes twice the same evening.

I knew he'd be gone for our anniversary, but I assured him that was no problem for me. After 26 years, we rarely celebrate on the day other than an exchange of cards. We wait till the weekend, when we'll go out to dinner, or just take the time to relax together.

But last night, he didn't call me! I waited till 10pm, and I called him. He had fallen asleep and I had woken him. He was angry and grumpy that I'd called so late. I said "I wanted to say happy anniversary!" and his response was a grumbled "happy anniversary" delivered with no emotion at all. (well, no emotion other than annoyance)

I told him to call me tonight when he was on the way home, then I hung up without waiting for a reply.

Now, in my mind I fantisized that he'd shake off the sleepiness and call me back. No such luck, so I thought that maybe as he got his day started he'd send me an email or give me a call this morning. Nope.

I'm sitting here stewing. I'm so hurt and dissapointed. I think at this point if I see his number on the caller ID, I wouldn't even pick up the phone.

If he shows up without a card, or even an old wilted flower, I don't think I'll be able to speak to him civily.

Am I over-reacting?

*** OK, so guess what.. The phone just rang and it was him. I didn't pick up, because I'm feeling a little pissy right now and don't want to make things worse. His message was

"Hi, I'm on a break and I figured I'd give you a call. Talk to you later."

How generic can you get?

HELP! I need some perspective here. Not sure exactly why I'm feeling so angry and hurt. Maybe it's just another symptom of what I'm afraid is an increasingly apathetic marriage. He hasn't worn his wedding band in ten years. But he took care of me like an angel when I was sick all of last year. It's not that he doesn't love me.. I just wonder if he's stopped loving our marriage?
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Old 05-06-2011, 10:05 AM
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yes you are running away with it, and mostly because after that many years, some kind of special notice was expected - allow the emotions to run their course, give them permission to be there, and then allow your brain to kick in too

I bet he was generic because he was surrounded by all those guys and gals...the sherriffs were on our bus today, en masse, a whole lot of white shirts and ties and more interesting, everyone that came on the bus after them was eyeballed for a while until each one of them figured the new person out, it was a little unnerving to be so scrutinized for that many minutes so I would bet he avoided any additional scrutiny from his compatriots because after a whole week of them doing it to each other he was exhausted

for him, actions speak louder than words, adn him taking care of you was something very loving

however that said, express your concern to him after he has a chance to recover from his week long experience, it is always wise to do a 'check in' on how the 'we' part of a relationship is coming along, no matter how many years it has been
Ellen in PA

"God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of love, power, and a sound mind."
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Old 05-07-2011, 03:01 PM
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Sounds like my husband too, it's my birthday , he never gets me a card, cake or anything.After 23 years i should be used to it, but, if he misses one of his Nascar races I hear about it loud and clear and he blames me.
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Old 05-07-2011, 08:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Lifestar View Post

HELP! I need some perspective here. Not sure exactly why I'm feeling so angry and hurt. Maybe it's just another symptom of what I'm afraid is an increasingly apathetic marriage. He hasn't worn his wedding band in ten years. But he took care of me like an angel when I was sick all of last year. It's not that he doesn't love me.. I just wonder if he's stopped loving our marriage?
Lifestar...I know You are hurt that He didn't call but no sense ruining the anniversary or the marriage altogether. Enjoy the time with Him when He gets back like You told him You would. Men get tired of arguements over things that they have no clue that they did wrong. He seems like He loves You very much so cherish that.

Been married 55years and could have been mad over alot of things over the years. There is always a right time to let them know what is bothering You without causing a scene. Be calm an explain how You feel. A smile & kiss goes a long way to keep a marriage happy.
"The only reason why people hold on to memories is because memories are the only things that don't change when everything else does."

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