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Marriage Marriage is a huge comittment, one that has many ups and downs. Get support and advice here.

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Old 02-06-2010, 01:43 PM
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Postive instead of Negitive

so often we get upset with our mates, but how many good quailty traits can you come up?
I remember getting upset wth John, and we all do with our mates, but what if that mate passes away tomorrow.
Did you do and tell them how much you loved them
would you have any requets? I know I do.
so on this coming up Valentine day, or anytime,
think positive and not so negitve about your mate.

It would do you good and may help you in your marriage.
Give unto instead of demaining so much from them, think of things you can change yourself instead of what they should change about themselves.

so think positive and not negitve and tell us what makes them so special.
what would you miss about them if something did happen to them?
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Old 02-06-2010, 04:00 PM
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Bar_bar, that's great advice. It's so true that daily there are little things that my dh does that gets on my nerves. I don't tell him nearly enough how much I appreciate the things that he does that are great.

In our car wreck on Thurs., I was really close to getting hurt. Thankfully, the brunt of the wreck was from the rear of my door back. It gave both of us a new prospective on how quickly things can change.

It's all too often that we take each other for granted and don't realize what we have until the person is gone.

I wish that there was a way to show all of the husbands out there this, too. They need to read it and act on it, too.
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Old 02-06-2010, 10:27 PM
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Tami, so sorry to hear about your car wreck, and hopefully no one was hurt.
I agree husbands needs to see this as well, so you girls will need to show it to them.

It one of my loudest words to couples these days since John has passed. If I can help one person or 1 couple to realizse what they have instead of thinking of the negitive then GOD used not only me but John as well.
We were a lovely couple and soul mates but still we fell short of things but we both knew we loved one another with all of our hearts and showed it on a daily basis, but still I have to wonder did I Do it enought?
I know there were things I have to do now that create worry and concern where before John's death I did not think about for he was the that took care of those things, and I get upset that I didn't understand what he went thru.. that one of my regrets.
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Old 02-12-2010, 10:17 AM
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I never stay mad at my husband for long, especially since it is just little irritating things that "we" do that gets me riled up. He has always been my best friend and my rock - he has seen me through more medical scares, surgeries, and illness than I can count. He is always patient and kind when I am at my worst, and he cooks 99.9% of our meals and works practically seven days a week in his office job - but he's not a workaholic. And if we ever had children he would make a great dad, 'cause he's a good co-owner / parent with our two cats. My husband is my opposite in every possible way, but together we make one whole person, and that's grand. :-)
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Old 02-15-2010, 02:35 PM
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I tend to irritate quickly but after being deathly ill a few years ago I have really learned to sit back and just let it go. He took care of me like I was a baby and I just remind myself how lucky I am to have him
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Old 07-23-2010, 09:21 AM
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It's true how our perspectives change in the face of a life-threatening event.

I have always known that my husband is intelligent and hard working. Unabashedly self-confident, and reliable. He is charismatic and charming, and the first to jump in in any emergency to help or fix something. He has theis *annoying* ability to master anything he chooses to tackle, and is mostly self-taught. He is a natural born leader, with a clear head and and an ablity to take charge in any situation.

I never would have described him as sweet, romantic or gentle. He's a caveman in a lot of ways, You'd think he had a military background or was a CEO, but it's not true. He's just a take-charge sort of guy; like a movie leading man.

But this year I needed surgery. There were unexpected complications, and I was very ill, and in the hospital for nearly a month. Even my surgeon would hold my hand and tell me he was praying for me. Now *that* was scary. But Ron was there through it all. Taking care of my wounds, working with the nurses, standing up to doctors, and being a fierce advocate for me when I couldn't speak for myself. After I came home with an emergency colostomy (that neither of us ecpected), he tended to it every day, apologizing for the inevitible pain, showing more compassion and unflinching ability to do a very dirty job, without any signs of resentment or distain. He would come home from work just ot help me if I called him, and then go right back. He took over all my chores and still worked his two jobs. This went on for 5 months, and then I had the reversal surgery. He kept up his care till I was well enough to gradually take over my "job" again. I still can't go back to work, and might need yet another operation, but he has never complained once, and I know what he's doing is awfully hard on him. I don't know if I could be as giving, and strong as he has been. It has changed my opinion of him, and helped me recognize that over the years he has taken good care on me in his own way... Not being romantic or soft, but by providing invisible kindnesses that I just took for granted and that he never expected thanks for. G-d bless this man. I don't know what I'd do without him!
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Old 07-23-2010, 02:51 PM
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Lifestar, it sounds like you truly have an amazing husband. I am glad to know he took such good care of you during your illness.

When we say our wedding vows that include "for better or worse, through sickness and in health" I think many of us never expect to have to through the worse or the sickness or how difficult it can be to get through times like that. It is hopeful (comforting) to know that there are spouses out there who will step up to the plate.
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Old 07-23-2010, 03:45 PM
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Lifestar, having been in a similar situation I hear you. I guess you really don’t know until the chips are down how wonderful a person can be. My dh was and still is helping without complaint. I will never walk right or very far again but he never seems to mind the stuff he now has to do. He hauls my wheel chair in and out of the car so I can go places and do things

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Old 07-24-2010, 07:03 PM
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LIfestar I'm so sorry to hear you were so ill and down. I hope the next surgery wil be successful.
I forgot about this thread. I wrote it one night thinking of John and the if's and what's and all of the things one might thing of when u missing your mate after a death.

I remember when John and I first got together, about 3 or 4 months into it I came down with a eye infection, The dr couldn't explain why, but somehow it must of got into one eye and touching it to the other eye. Anyways I was blind for 2 wks, I couldn't see nothing. The dr didn't know If I could ever see again or not. Guess what during that time. mother nature came a calling. OF course John had been married before, so nothing was new to him, yet he had to help me to take care of those needs. For me it was very embrassing... but he was a sweetheart in it.

John worked many of times when his health was not good to help us to take care of bills and things.
He supported me in raising the gd's when we had to, never complain the time that was tooken from us, he was there in every way just like a dad would of been.

John had his bad side, but to me he was my shiny armor... and I thank GOD for the times we had together.

being on some widow and widower boards, it amzing what people says about the other one after they are gone, that they wished they would of say to them when they were alive.
It amzing how one will hold a grudge against another, when no one seems to remember why. Yet it happens so many times.

John and I didn't really hold grudges, but at the end I did get upset with him about the house, knowing that we were going to lose it, and it got in the way of things. but when he was sick, all that went away.. and all I could think of was the love I hd for him, and the love he had given me over the yrs. I hold onto that very deep..

so no matter if you posting or not, just think to yourself what could I change about myself to be a better mate, to think of the good things in that mate... and work on it, hold together, for life is short and you never know when life will take that mate away.
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Old 06-21-2014, 07:18 AM
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I agree with everything said, more so the last few years (I think its because I am getting older) Darryl & I never let a day go by where we don't say I l ove you to each other, he says it every morning when he leaves for work, and its not just a love ya, bye type of saying he says it with meaning. I couldn't ask for a better husband, his good qualities outshine any bad ones, and the m ain thing that bothers me about him is he waits til the last minute for EVERYTHING, and it drives me insane, I like to plan ahead so much less stress. So I guess I am pretty lucky if that is my only complaint,lol. Darryl was raised "old school" his Dad (RIP) raised him right, to this day he still even opens the car door for me , (something I thought was outdated until I met him). My dad always told me, watch how a guy treats his Mom, and he is usually a good person. Too bad I didnt listen to him with my Ex, lol!
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