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Marriage Marriage is a huge comittment, one that has many ups and downs. Get support and advice here.

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Old 09-27-2004, 07:24 PM
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Question What Would You Do If You Found DH's Stash of Girlie Magazines?

Not sure what to do. Last year, I caught DH looking at girlie magazines. I confronted him about it and, told him that I felt he was cheating on me by looking at naked women. I had been on a diet for 11 months had lost 50 lbs. Was starting to look good myself. Of course my body looks nothing like whats in those books. He told me he would get rid of them. Then in May, I found one in the bathroom when I went downstairs to take my shower before work. I left without saying a word to him when he went downstairs to the bathroom. He called me at work and apologized and told me he would throw them away. Well, I just found 2 more magazines. (not new they are from 1999) They were hidden. I don't know what to do. I snooped to find these. But I'm really mad about finding them. Does anyone else have this? Am I being a prude because alot of men do buy these things. I would really like some input on this. Thanks.
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Old 09-27-2004, 07:50 PM
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not alone!

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone on this one. I am going through the same thing with my Hubby. I have been going through this for about a year now, and unfortunately, nothing is changing. He is going online to buy mags, pics, and cd's (and God only knows what else). I have spoken to him and told him the same thing you did - that I felt he was cheating and it was tearing us apart, because I felt I couldn't trust him anymore about it.... but nothing is changing. As far as I know, he hasn't bought anything more, but I keep finding them all over the place (in the bedroom, in the bathroom, in the closet).... and we have three kids, that are young (the oldest just turned 5) and inpressionable. I dont' want them growing up thinking that is ok to have around and leave out. Uggh.

Sorry for tagging on in your thread. I hope you can convince him that it's better to get rid of the mags and stuff, and have you. You're more important than that stuff anyway.

Wishing you luck with this.
Row.
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Old 09-29-2004, 04:42 PM
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When I first met my hubby he had a stack of those mags by his bed and I thought well better that then sleeping around. When we got married I asked that they not be in the house as I was not comfortable with them being around. Well i like you found them and confronted DH on the issue. I realise that men do like to look some more than others but I really did not want them in our home. I explained why to him and told him it was just like him not wanting me to smoke in our home which I gave up for this reason. I know hubby still looks and reads girlie mags and I am fine with that as long as they are not in our home, I always say it is better than him finding the real thing and having an affair. He respects my decision on this and I respect that this is something he will never give up totally. I don't ubderstand mens addictions to this literature but I knew when I married him that he had them. I know he goes overseas and it can be a long 6 months so if he chooses to read this type of magazine and still be faithful to me than I live with that. He understands that I don't ever want our kids to find one in our home. I even went so far as to take some tasteful polaroids of myself for him to carry overseas so maybe he will see me instead of a magazine pinup. After 12 years of marriage I have learned that some battles are not worth big blowouts and as long as he is honest with me and respects my choices than we are okay.

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Old 09-30-2004, 03:42 PM
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well, I'll be the odd one out.
My dh used to get them all the time. the subscription was even in my name. Like the one above, I would rather him look, then be out looking for someone or sex somewhere else.
But then again, I don't have a problem with the magazines. I've looked through them. And I think they are funny. I mean, most of the pictures if not all are touched up.
I know my dh loves me. And I know why he looks at the magazine.

We have a dd that is 3, when we moved 2 yrs ago, dh got rid of the magazines.

And there hasn't been one in the house since.

sorry, I can't be more help. Other then just talk, don't demand. Find out why he looks at them. Tell him why it bothers you. Also, ask yourself why?

Martha
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Old 10-01-2004, 04:36 AM
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I have also been in this position. My husband has looked at porn ever since I have known him. He doesn't buy just the run of the mill porn like Playboy but the hardcore porn - magazines I had never heard of. I have mixed feelings about this. I feel porn and supporting this undustry is degrading to women. These women are someone's daughter, wife, mother, granddaughter. I don't think looking at magazines is cheating - it is just a way to fantasize. My problem came when my son found one of these magazines and gave it to me. I am not sure how long he had it before he did this. Believe me, it was not easy to explain that magazine or the pictures to my son in an appropriate way. This lead me to do a search of my house where I found hundreds hidden all over the place. I destroyed them and had a long talk with my husband about my feelings, about our children, about his role as a father etc. He promised not to bring anymore into the house but slipped once but I have not found anything in a long time. But even asking him not to bring porn mags into the house, I know he looks at porn online. I put a block on my computer at home but I know he can do it on other computers. I believe porn, if used to enhance a marriage with both people ok with it can be acceptable if that is what they are into. Who am I to judge anyone. I don't think looking at porn magazines is cheating - there is no "real"person involved and it is usually used for fantasizing which most people do at times (not necessarily with porn but most people do fantasize) But I also believe it can be addictive and can lead to other behaviors. (I have talked to therapists about this). I don't have a lot of advice. I have gotten it out of my house, had healthy conversations with my children and let them know my views, but I can't control what my husband does outside of this house. He knows how I feel but I am not sure he can stop looking at porn whether it is on the computer or the magazines I am sure he still buys. I guess as long as it is only pictures I can deal with it (though I don't have to like it). Just make sure you still have a healthy relationship and that the porn doesn't start replacing your intimate relationship within your marriage or lead to other behaviors. And keep an eye on credit card bills to make sure he isn't subscribing to online sites because debt can pile up quickly and cause even more problems!
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Old 10-01-2004, 07:56 AM
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My dh had a stack of magazines. It doesn't bother me much, men are visually stimulated, what can they do about it? I agree that I'd rather him look at the mags than be looking elsewhere for the real thing. I didn't like running the risk of my children coming across them and told him I was tossing them but that I'd leave a few. It hasn't been a problem since. Good luck.
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Old 10-01-2004, 08:34 AM
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I agree with that statement that men are visually stimulated. I don't have a problem with porn mags or movies, never did cuz I know that men like them--the industry is pointed to them. And because I'm ok with this, I also watch these movies with my husband when we get to have our "date" because believe it or not, it enhances our sex, especially after having 2 kids (ages 3 1/2 and 18mos) We both enjoy each other much more and I know it's all about the visual stuff with him. I know it's also because he knows I trust him enough to share this with him. I know he wouldn't go elsewhere and the fact that we do so together actually makes both our sexual pleasures heightened. I mean, we don't always watch porn, but there are just times when we both feel "naughty."

Another thing on that statement about women being degraded. I think the industry had been very degrading years ago, but now days, there are quite a few of the movies where the woman plays the dominant role, and that also turns a man on.

I think it's also a matter of trust. I mean, some men cannot be trusted and maybe make their fantasy into reality. What I mean by this is that allowing a husband to look at mags or movies may not be good in some cases because maybe he's the type that may end up eventually cheating on the wife, because he gets too stimulated or something. Some men are too weak too. So, in other words, it's just going to depend on the couple. And if you wives don't want your husbands to be looking at those mags, then so be it, your husbands should be able to understand why. You may not can control what he does out of the house, but if you don't want it in your house, your husband should respect you enough to do that, at the very least. Afterall, you are the main person who runs and control the household and keep it together. Not to mention we wives have to make so many compromises already with our husbands, they can meet us on some of those compromises too.

Anyway, just wanted to share how it worked for us, but also know that wives who do not want those mags or movies around--there's nothing wrong with that either.
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Old 10-01-2004, 08:39 AM
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(continuation of last reply) Especially when there are children around. We lock our stuff up because that is one thing I don't think I would ever be ready to explain to the kids! Hee, hee. So, yeah, I would be upset too if my son finds one of those mags--I'd want them out of the house too!
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Old 10-01-2004, 02:48 PM
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well, whether a man just looks at a magazine or actually has an affair, they both are wrong in the eyes of God, and both show that the man has no respect for his wife. if you've asked him before to stop and he doesn't, he doesn't respect you. that's my opinion. sex is not everything. porn flicks and looking at dirty magazines (which ARE degrading, one step down from prostitution, don't let ANYONE tell you anything else, because all those people are selling their bodies to have those pictures taken of them or be filmed). if your marriage is based soley on sex, what are you going to have when you can't have that any more?

and now I realize that many here will view me as preaching with all I have said, and I apologize, but I can't condone that behavior.
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Old 10-01-2004, 04:01 PM
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http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/ds/cb991/page3.html

You can check this site out - it explains the dangers of pornography. I do not believe the pornography is harmless - in fact, studies show that many marriages and family relationships are destroyed because of it.
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