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Marriage Marriage is a huge comittment, one that has many ups and downs. Get support and advice here.

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Old 04-05-2004, 06:06 AM
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Igniting His Passion

I read this article on another site.. and I have actually done some of the things suggested in this article recently.. ( I won't tell you which of the things..lolol!) Re-romancing a marriage takes a lot of imagination, courage and work.. But it's worth it!

Val



Igniting His Passion
By Ladyfire Editor Debora Myers


Unfortunately, all too often after being together a while, the home fires start to dwindle and we find ourselves whining and pining for more lovin'. What is the remedy in this situation? There are no magic bullets, but before you throw in the towel, try a few of these techniques to arouse his interest in you.

Most men are enchanted by a woman who makes them feel stronger, more competent, smarter and better than they felt about themselves before they met her. Therefore if you want your lover to stay in love or if you are working on rekindling that love, be positive.

First, understand that a man is not going to want you if you're constantly nagging him for more attention. By all means don't let him know just how dissatisfied you are. Accept who he is and love him unconditionally. Men's egos need constant reassurance and stroking. Instead of haranguing him about the things you do not like or his lack of attention, concentrate on what it is that you do like about him. Gently compliment him on the things that please you, without fawning too much or smothering him. Once a man feels trapped he may try to break free. Not necessarily physically leave you, but he may emotionally erect a wall between you and he. Here are some basic tools to help build a bridge over that wall.

First, become your own woman. If you are confident in yourself and have a full life, that should make you even more desirable and attractive to him. If your bugging him all the time all he'll want to do is to get away from the pressure your putting on him.

Subtleties are a must! If you're the one who is dissatisfied then you must take the initiative to create some fun. Most guys aren't going to read your mind, arrange to have a play day or night at home! A good bottle of wine, a movie or even a movie camera can make the evening more exciting. If he's the type that enjoys social situations, organize a small dinner party or take him out. Anything to break the monotony of your daily routine.

If the passion has fizzled, don't give up. If you are the adventurous type tenderly feel him out to see if he would be interested in some experimental sex. I'm not suggesting kinky sex be initiated, unless your into that kind of thing. Maybe try out some role-playing, or invest in some fun new lingerie or marital aids. Generally men are visually oriented. They become stimulated just seeing you naked, or dressed pretty. So get out of those ugly sweat pants. If you've put on a few pounds quit sweating it and dress nice. Many men prefer a voluptuous woman, get over being self-conscious. If you don't feel good about yourself, do some things to help you feel good, he will follow you in turn.

Remember to have a sense of humor and laugh! Be light hearted. One day I was full of mischief and decided to surprise my husband. I arranged to have the kids spend the night out and I dressed in something quite of character for me. I went to the store and when I returned home, instead of just coming on into the house I knocked on the door and pretended I was a religious zealot and started preaching to him on how I could save his soul. He pulled me into the house and told me, "save this honey," Another time I dressed quite "trampy" and knocked on the door pretending to be a call girl. We laughed and giggled, ended up having a grand ole' time. Let the child in you come out. You don't always have to be the sultry sex queen to grab his interest.

Ply him with treats! It really works. You know the old saying," You can win a man through his stomach. Fix his favorite meal and favorite drink. Make sure the right music is playing in the background and take the time to make yourself alluring. Hand feed him his dessert while kissing him. Remember that movie 9 and ½ weeks? Kim Bassinger was blindfolded as her lover hand fed her delicacies. Don't be afraid to try new things to peak his interest. Your mate may just be bored. The idea is to keep him coming home to you, not drive him away into someone else's arms. It may be more difficult for my shy sisters out there but give it a try. You only live this life once! Go for the gusto!
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Old 04-22-2004, 03:22 PM
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That was an interesting article, Val, one I could surely use!! Seems my husband and I, though content, are in a rut, and I don't mean just sexually. I suppose it is "normal" to reach this time in your life where contentedness replaces what once was sparks!! I don't know, is this true for anyone else, or am I alone here. Working opposite schedules surely doesn't help much but even when we are both home, seems we are just content ...sparklessly content. Seems I am just not as interested as I once was. I thought this would happen in my 60s though, not 43. (We love each other dearly, no doubt in the world!!)

hugs, train
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Old 04-22-2004, 06:34 PM
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I'm there with you Train.. at the age of 46, and after what will be 19 years of marriage (on 5/5) .. we are in the need of some rut-busting too..

Today I colored my hair for the first time ( I'll have to post a pic!) and I have been letting my nails grow and getting manicures... My DH likes the "new me"..

We have made "date Nights" for ourselves right at home, and things are lovely...

It's so nice to discover a new you... and a new him too...

Val
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Old 04-23-2004, 12:24 PM
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Hi Val,
We have been married 12 years so you have me beat by a few!!


What color is your hair? Maybe I should do the same thing but I would have to go a very shocking green for Mark to take notice!!!!
I havn't colored my hair in over a year and the grays are showing. The thing is, with my husband though, he doesn't really notice those kind of things. When I colored my hair a year ago (and I thought it was pretty gray) he didn't even notice. I also had my eybrowrs shaped, didn't notice that, either.......got a new swimsuit one time......didn't notice. He IS a wonderful and caring man in other ways, but those kind of things , well.......


Help us, ladies!!!!........ Lifestar and Train need some "Rut Busters!!!" LOL!!!
Maybe some of you newlyweds.......or then maybe some of you who have been married a long, long time can give us some good ideas!!!!
Speaking for myself...........and I will assume Lifestar too, I have a wonderfully loving man and a very happy marriage, just seem to have misplaced the sparks though!!!!

Hugs, train
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Old 05-14-2004, 09:58 PM
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I wish I had your problem. After six years I don't want my husband touching me. He's a wonderful man but there's just no attraction there although I know he's very attractive. He's tried taking me to hotels as a surprise, we'd have dinner and stuff and I'd be thinking we were heading home but we weren't, he bring flowers, cooks, cleans, etc but it's just not enough. Did the article give any suggestions on how to make a woman want a man again? I see other men and think they're drop dead sexy and then I come home and we sit and laugh and talk and it's gotten to where it's like we're really good roommates.
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Old 05-15-2004, 04:55 AM
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It sounds like you need more than "spark".. You need to find out what the problem behind the "feul injection system " might be. Maybe there are deeper issues standing between you than just boredom. Check out some of the other Marriage threads . There are some good discussions there..
Val
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Old 05-15-2004, 05:25 AM
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Memin and I love each other but at 32 I think we have already reached a RUT place
I am so overwhelmed with the kids and stuff that I have no strength to concentrate on Memin and I.
I told Memin and I that I enjoy just getting away with him alone. NOw would give me a "shot in the arm" so to speak.

Darla...as far as you. I am concerned. I agree with my good friend Val. Maybe a deeper problem?
Sounds like counseling would be a big help if you are attracted to other men and NOT your hubby.
We are here if you need us

I have colored my hair and gotten acrylic nails but it is so costly to keep up. I get acryilic nail b/c my own won't grow well and they are thin when they do.

CALGON take Train, Val and Cathy away
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Old 05-15-2004, 06:55 PM
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My, this was quite an article and spoke to me too. My DH and I have been living in such a chaotic world for the past six years that we too have become more good friends than anything. We love each other dearly and completely but that spark is not there and we have found ourselves too busy to do anything about re-igniting it.

I do know that men are VERY visual--it took me a long time to realize that. We need to remember that what WE think would be visually pleasing to them isn't likely to be what trips their trigger. It's our job to find out what that is (and it could be anything ladies ). Remember that book Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus? I think it applies in not only language but this way too. We have no clue (and neither do they).

I'll be interested to following this and see what everyone comes up with.
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Old 06-13-2004, 03:01 PM
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I am not yet married but am getting married Jan 05. Last year on his birthdya I went out and brought us some adult playing cards. Not the ones with the naked women on them. they are called Fore-playing cards and since getting them, we dont seem to be getting into ruts lately. When we feel that our sex life is going down hill. We suggest cards to each other and it always seems to work. We have been together for 3 years
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Old 06-14-2004, 08:38 AM
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The problem usually stems from not remembering why you made the commitement of marriage in the 1st place. I also have to remember, if he can love me through all my "problems" and extra weight, surely I could love him just the way he is!
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