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Marriage Marriage is a huge comittment, one that has many ups and downs. Get support and advice here.

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  #71 (permalink)  
Old 05-05-2007, 10:39 AM
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I find myself reading over the last few posts...and I came to a realization that I am who I am...bumps,lumps and all...

I am 46 and my hubby will be 51,he loves me for me...Our last break up was a wake up call for him and for myself...He is more open and honest with me...more loving and caring...

He was there when I went through Breast Cancer and he was there when I decided not to have reconstructive surgery done...he was there through my chemo and he is still here for me...I am very lucky...
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  #72 (permalink)  
Old 05-05-2007, 04:50 PM
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KizKat...Do you have any children? Sometimes men don't want their lives to change so they refrain from sex. Since he is a therapist I suggest you tell him to you need more out of life than what he is offering. A good physical checkup where they do blood work is the only answer right now. Could have a hidden problem he does not know about.
When he goes tell him you will have a checkup too that way he will not feel he is the only one with a problem.
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  #73 (permalink)  
Old 05-05-2007, 09:59 PM
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Hubby and I have been married for 20 years this Aug, when we married we were 21 & 22, things are still the same in the bedroom now, as they were when we married, in some ways better, we are so over body image in some ways maybe more adventurous, I know to much information LOL. He's a good provider, a good friend and a good dad. He brings me gifts, just because he thinks I might like it.
We always share our day right down to the little details of who, what, when and where things happened. We don't keep secrets. We don't argue but on occassion have a difference of opinion, after we get over it and move on, I'm not a dweller on the past.

Once the youngest turned 4, we decided that on our anniversary we would get away for 1 night on our own, go away. No kids, no cooking, no house stuff of any kind to do, just the 2 of us.
I have booked our place away already for our 20th anniversary for 2 nights, looking forward to our "us time".
We are now 41 and 42 years old, 2 kids 12 and 16.
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Old 05-11-2007, 02:47 PM
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You know sometimes it is the small stuff that keep the marriage going.For me and my dh it is trying to find the time to go out by ourselves.It isn't all the time but that is ok.We have been married for 16 years and we try to spend sometime with each other before bedtime or just whenever.I know he loves me with all of my problems and my weight gain and loss and people in my life passing away.I still love him with his weight gain and him jusy being himself.Sorry but i was just reading these others posts and these are just some of my thoughts.Sorry if there is TMI there.

Mish
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Old 05-13-2007, 10:08 AM
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A note on aging and sexuality. . .

Ladies, we get shortchanged! LOL! By the time we have ourselves figured out, and are ready for a really passionate marriage, the guys have slowed down. It is natural. Some men will slow down more than others, but eventually it happens to all of them. Longer to get interested, longer to become "able," too long (or too short) to "get there," and longer in between times. Now, some "make up" for all this by being more interested in foreplay and afterplay, but some, unfortunately, become less interested in one or both.
cf: Masters and Johnson, Human Sexual Response and Human Sexual Inadequacy.

Just as some of us think once a year is enough, there are some men who think the same thing. (Zorro, the Gay Blade. Captain Esteban to his wife: "you know that leetle thing we do once a year?" Wife" "Yes!" Captain Esteban: "Well, it's not for another 3 months.") Of course, it would be nice if those men could marry women who feel the same thing, and vice-versa, but, alas, it just doesn't happen most of the time!!

Just as some women become menopausal in their early 30's and others don't even miss a period until they are 60, the male of the species has a similar "bell curve" of time in which to experience a change in sexual response. And there is another bell curve, too. Even in their early teens, some men are "capable" only once in 12 - 24 hours, while others only have a 10-15 minute "refractory" period.

For those who desire more frequent loveplay, some very frank discussion is needed. Even if one or the other is not interested, there might be some kind of agreement reached by which they agree to, at least some of the time,
an "accomodation" of each other - if for no other reason than the love and affection they have for each other. If no agreement about this can be reached, then perhaps some therapy may be needed.

I don't advocate that women are the "willing vessel" no matter what, but rather that in a loving marriage the sexual relationship is a very important *part* of that marriage - but not at all the core of it (the "icing" rather than the "cake") - and that both partners are responsible to care for each other in this aspect of marriage as in all others.

While many people can work through the sexual aspects of their marriage by themselves over a period of time, some need a little help from the medical, nursing or psychological profession. As a reproductive nurse, I had responsibility for early aspects of sexual therapy. Even though retired, if someone wants to PM me, I'd be glad to listen (read) and offer some suggestions if needed. I will also suggest more specific therapy by another professional as soon as I see it is needed!

Cheerio!
Elizabeth

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Old 05-14-2007, 05:25 AM
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Thanks for the information.I found it all very true.Alot of what you say is right on the mark.

Mish
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  #77 (permalink)  
Old 01-22-2008, 11:26 AM
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I found this thread on the Valentine newletter and found it both very interesting and very true. I've been married for 42 year( Not really forever just sounds like it)and we have been together since I was 16 & he 20. The one thing I have found is to really listen when you are talking. He had been saying the same thing for years but I was not hearing him. Once I did things really improved. He jsut did not have a role model for being affectionate so I have to be the one to grag his hand or lean over and touch or hug him . Sure I get tired of it but if I do it make a world of difference. Even after a year in which I was in so mudh pain he practically dressed me every day and a big weight gain he could get turned on by little things. The key is finding his little things. Sorry for the long ramble
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Old 01-23-2008, 04:55 AM
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Cau,
Thanks for the advice.And i know how that is.I have been married for 17 years.But now my dh is a big guy too.Oh well no big deal there as i have put some weight on since we have been married.Everything they say is very important at least most of the time.

Mish
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Old 01-23-2008, 06:57 AM
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I have put on a lot of weight in the last few years. It doesn't matter to dh excpet he is worried about my health. He had a dream a while back that I had a stroke. It really scared him. I think it was a wake up call for him ( I know I need to lose weight and am working on it) now he realizes he needs to take better care of himself too.
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Old 01-23-2008, 01:14 PM
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Aww that is so sweet.For me my dhs family are all on the chubby side.His grandafther wasn't as much until later on.But his dad has always been on the chubby side.I don't nag my dh about exercising he knows he should do it.I think he might be trying to watch his calorie intake and that is good to do.I think it is part of growing old as we all seem to put on the pounds.

Mish
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