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Marriage Marriage is a huge comittment, one that has many ups and downs. Get support and advice here.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 07-18-2004, 03:00 AM
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Hi Ladies,
DH and I have been arried 18 yrs in Sept. There have been ups and downs so to speak. If only we could get the 'mood' at the same time frame as each other!! After an emergency hyster in '96 I was so sure that NEVER AGAIN would we be intimate, but we overcame that by talking it out. Lately it has been more my desire than his, but again, we talked about it and things improved. Maybe at 45 his memory doesn't work well, but there is definite improvement for about 6 wees after a chat!

At the moment I am again post-op (lifting up the girl bits!!) and we are under Drs orders to 'behave' for 6 weeks. It is killing us both. Believe me the date is a red letter one on my calendar. Hope the babysitter works out. LOL. But i remember my sister saying that she and hubby had been advised to refrain for one month, but do as much as they liked without 'it'. They lasted about three days of playing around and just had to break the rules. Obviously that counselling worked.

Maybe that's worth a try. It does take the pressure off, to know that you can stop at any time, and it also builds the excitement. Remember to work on the friendship side of your relationship. Maybe that's where we lose track sometimes.

Sorry if this is a bit rambly, but hope it helps.

Meg
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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 08-13-2004, 05:44 PM
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Dh and I are only 24 and 25... we have been married for 4 years... is it possible to ALREADY be in a rut? I know that both of us have self esteem and depression issues, and I think this is the real cause, but how do you fix that?
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 08-13-2004, 08:09 PM
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You know.. there is always joking about the "7 year itch".. but statistically the 4th year of marriage is a bumpy one..

I knowDh and I had a bit of trouble that year too.

Yes, I think it's possible to have problems...and I also think that no matter how hard is seems.. that the only way to work it out is to talk it out.

Do the talking over a cup of coffee or glass o wine.. Take a walk, hold hands, play a game of cards...snuggle ..whatever is a non-aggressive atmosphere for you guys.. ..and make it a "team efffort" to work it out.

But be honest with him... He's probaly feeling the same way you are...
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Old 08-13-2004, 08:12 PM
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I dunno, he is not really the kind of guy that needs a lot of affection... once in a while he needs a "fix" like a backrub or holding hands and staring meaningfully into his eyes, and that's it.... he's like an affection camel!
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Old 08-14-2004, 09:07 AM
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Marriage

DH and I have been married 25 years this past May. This has not always been an easy marriage. He was in the military. Lots of moving, he was a Gunner on a B52, so there was the worry of planes crashing, had 2 boys, 10 years apart. I thought things were going well. The oldest had joined the Marines and it was just the three of us left. This was in the summer of 1990. I came "home" for the summer. He kept stalling to come and get us. Found out he had been cheating on me and he calmly walked in two weeks after I had been home and told me he wanted a divorce. I told him to get out. He wouldn't leave. Now, that didn't make any sense to me! This went on until Sept. (I came end of July) at that time Adam, our youngest wrote a suicide note. I went ballistic. I called his first sgt. told him he better find him and get him home. He did and he came home. I showed him the note, told him to get the hell out or stay. But he better make a decsion right then and there. He couldn't decide he said. So, I told him, to leave. He left for two days. I didn't know nor did I care at that moment where he was or who he was with. I was furious!! I sat Adam down and talked to him and we got it straight together.
He came back and we began talking. The Gulf war hit and our oldest was shipped out. (He knew about this and tried to get housing for his brother and me so I could leave) I was worried sick. Still hubby and I were talking. Trying to work our way back. Then he had to leave. Now we're writing and talking as much as possible. He comes home and expected all to be forgiven and everything to go back to the way it was. NO WAY!!! We talked alot and got alot of things straight. It was a long, painful road. One I never will go down again and he knows this. I have, obviously forgiven him. We decided, together, that we wanted this marriage to work and we would do whatever was necessary to make it work.
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Old 08-14-2004, 05:08 PM
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Kelly,

It sounds like you went through a lot..

My dh and I have beeen through the mill ourselves over the past couple of years.. As a matter of fact, I had a thread on here for a couple of months where I poured it all out. But I realized it had over 7500 views, and 300 posts, and although it hit a nerve with a lot of people.. as dh and I began to put our marriage back together, I didn't wnat out tragedy floting around cyberspace anymore.. so with advance notification, I deleted the thread.. ( I know it really took some people's post numbers way down .. mine foremost! lolol)) But to me the karma wasn't worth the risk lol..

I do understand what you'e talking about.. and it's not easy. But so far it's still worth the work..
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Old 08-14-2004, 05:15 PM
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So this is a thread that is closed? I wasn't sure. I noticed that nobody had been in quite awhile but I thought I would take a chance. It's okay if it's closed. Believe me I understand why you would do this. When you are trying to put everything back together it's best not to have things glaringly thrown into your face each time you turn on your computer. No problem, thank you for letting me know.
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Old 08-14-2004, 05:53 PM
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Kelly.. this thread is NOT closed... (this was just dormant) lolol.. I had closed another one and deleted it altogether.. It was an option I requested from Amanda, and she OK'd it.. for the reasons I stated...

You woon't find it here any more...

This thread is alive and kickin!! ( UNLIKE A LOT OF MARRIAGE BEDROOMS)
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  #29 (permalink)  
Old 08-15-2004, 02:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Lifestar


This thread is alive and kickin!! ( UNLIKE A LOT OF MARRIAGE BEDROOMS)


Alive and kicking I would say for my own... not partying like a rock start, but I can handle just alive and kicking!
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Old 08-15-2004, 05:49 PM
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Honey, if my marriage was partying like a rock star's my dear hubby and I would both be in need of some serious in-home nursing. We both keep telling our grandson he needs to share just a little bit of his energy with Papa and Nana cause it's all we can do some days to get out of the bed without moaning and groaning over the joints aching and popping.

Nancy
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