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Just for Grandparents Here is a special place for all our proud grandparents to share their stories with us and other grandparents.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 08-17-2007, 04:55 PM
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Joyce that is how I feel at times about these girls. I feel so blessed to have them and I'm learning from them as much as they are learning from me.
Both are so different from one aother yet different from thier mother or my son...

Of course I love kids... they help keep me on my toes and I get tired but I am enjoying it too.
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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 02-08-2009, 05:41 PM
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grandmother here raising a 14 year grandson. I brought him home right from the hospital after he was born. He sees his mom in the next town over a couple times a month, and she decided when he was younger to just let us raise him, she was not ready to be a mom yet and it was easier on him, he knows this is his home, who his mom is.. It changed our life a bit, when he was born our youngest was a jr in high school and here we are starting all over again. It took a while to adjust, and I had a big eye opener on the new baby needs. I remember going into Sears, and the gal asking me what color and how many onesies I needed. I had to laugh because I didn't know what they were, they didn't have those when my kids were babies, we had just simple under shirts. And the new drops for Colic, yep another new thing for me. Baby Products sure have come a long way since my kids were babies.
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 05-07-2011, 06:37 AM
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well this is certainly a old thread and I may have posted when it first started, After raising 6 sons and 1 daughter, I started raising 2 grandchildren a boy and a girl , They are my youngest sons children,
He got full custody of them , but was in the service so while we were in court with him, the Judge appointed us as guardians , as he was in the service and could not take them overseas where he was going to go ,
anyway they are now 22 and 18 , they were 4 and 8 when we started taking care of them.
My grandson is in the navy and my granddaughters will graduate this month from highschool.
So it all turned out ok, our son lives on our farm since he got out of service , and it was hard to do , but a labor of love to take care of them
Lauraleah
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  #24 (permalink)  
Old 05-08-2011, 07:20 AM
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I too am raising my grandchildren, ages 7 and 5. They are my daughter's children. She got hooked on pain medications around the time she got pregnant with her youngest. But, even before then, she was neglecting her oldest as she had to have surgery on her teeth because of decay when she was barely 2 years old. I begged my DD to please get her life in order or she would lose her kids. She lived with the other grandma and hubby and kids for awhile. Then, she moved into an apartment, which various family and friends were having to help her financially when she couldn't pay rent, utilities, and so on. They were getting several hundred dollars monthly to help. SIL was working and at one time, he was working 2 jobs. Most were minimum wage jobs. He always seemed to quickly work his way up to management positions and was fired for stealing or something. At one point, my DD was running up to his job nightly to get tip money, which I found odd since he was supposedly a manager. DD begged me to give her $60 on one occasion because SIL was going to be short in his safe. I never gave them money. I would take the kids when they had no electricity or get food for the family.

In November 2008, Child Protective Services came out. At that time, ALL the youngest's teeth were decayed. DD had an empty container of pain meds for a 30 day supply and she had just got it 9 days prior. During the investigation, the family was evicted out of their apartment and went back to live with the other grandma. DD would call me on several occasions to ask me to take her kids because she said that she couldn't handle them. They were in a 2 bedroom apartment with 5 adults and 3 children. Cigarette ashes were all over the carpet, sheets, and furniture. Several trash bags were in the kitchen with many maggots. Insulin syringes were all over the carpet for the other grandpa. Since DD promised she had made an appointment for DGS to have his teeth fixed, they dropped the case!!!! Mind you, he was 2 months shy of turning 4 and was not talking yet! He had severe, untreated asthma as well as eczema. During their investigation, a truancy officer called me in an attempt to locate the family as DGD hadn't been coming to school. When the parents were evicted, they never notified the school of their new address or phone number. DD became angry at me for telling the officer where they lived!

In May 2009, CPS got involved again. Seems DD canceled the dental appointment, did not have Medicaid, and so on. She has never worked since she had children. They had no place of their own to live, no means of transportation, no beds for the kids, and so on. They were given 4 weeks to clean the apartment of the nasty ashes, maggots, and insulin needles. DD was also to get her DS in to a dentist to fix his teeth. 4 weeks later, CPS called me and said they were on their way to my DDs house to remove the kids and asked if I was willing to take the kids, which I was. If not, they were going to get a judge to seek state custody as I was the only available family member able to take them.

DD was told they were removing the kids and wanted to know if she wanted the state to take them or a family member, at which point she called me.

I immediately got the youngest in to see an oral surgeon to get him prepared to get his teeth fixed and a doctor to get his asthma under control. Found out that DGD was 2 years behind on her immunizations! Even though she had gone to a dentist 6 months prior due to CPS requirement and her carries fixed, she had a bad cavity.

After 2 more months and the parents were doing nothing requested by CPS, they were going to seek state custody. The parents signed temporary custody over to me to get CPS off their backs. (I knew people who worked for the state who told me that parents rarely ever get their kids back once state gets custody and no guarantees the kids would stay with me or stay together if they go into foster care.) I got the necessary forms and the parents did this. Once the parents were sure the state was off their backs, they demanded I give them their kids back!!! I told them that they had NO means of transportation, no place of their own to live (they were then staying with some trashy friends), no beds for the kids, no anything. They told me our agreement would end on December 31st and I would have to give them their children back. So, I had no choice but to take the parents to court for custody. I had to postpone finishing school (I was getting my MA degree), get a full time job to support the children, and do the single parent thing because my DH was transferred to another state.

August 2010, we got permanent custody of the kids and no geographical limitations. I got my degree in December 2010 and moved. Parents are still living a 7 hour, one way trip, away in another state. The kids are doing very well, especially now that they are with their Papa and Nana together. The parents come for visitation twice a month. The youngest has been talking for quite a while and is in Kindergarten. The oldest missed so much school prior to moving in with me and with me having to move and being taken from her parents, has always been behind so we are having her repeat 2nd grade.

I have joined a support group for grandparents who are raising their grandkids. I am still struggling to come to terms with the fact that I have to raise kids again. I love these children, but I had other dreams and goals once I graduated. Now, I am going to have to come to a place of acceptance and change my goals. I am constantly tired.

I think it is a good idea for grandparents to connect with each other to share their trials and joys and tips.
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  #25 (permalink)  
Old 06-01-2011, 06:33 AM
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It seems more and more grandparents are raising gkids these days.
I am not raising my gkids any longer, they are back with thier mom, but those were some stuggling times, yet looking back now, they were also moments of memories that I cherish...
I'm thankful they are with thier mom, but I do miss them. I do enjoy and love it each time I do get to see them..
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  #26 (permalink)  
Old 06-01-2011, 07:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bar_bar View Post
It seems more and more grandparents are raising gkids these days.
I am not raising my gkids any longer, they are back with thier mom, but those were some stuggling times, yet looking back now, they were also moments of memories that I cherish...
I'm thankful they are with thier mom, but I do miss them. I do enjoy and love it each time I do get to see them..
I agree. I found a support group of others who are raising their grandchildren as well. In some ways, I want the children to live with their parents and on the other hand, I do not. I think ideally, it would be a dream come true that the parents were capable of raising their own children. But, I look at the fact that I am living a 7 hour drive, one way, with the children and the parents are living in another state. They have known for sure, that we were moving for over 9 months now and still the parents aren't living close to their children. They are missing out so much on the raising of their children and their activities.

Mom stated that she was going to move down here in January. Then she said she needed to get her teeth pulled and then get dentures so it would be February. The father refuses to leave his job to move down here because his job is "too good." Mom now tells me she has to wait until payday to get her dentures because her friend took advantage of her and now she has no money to get dentures.

Mom did ask me a while back how she could get her kiddos back. I told her she had to do what I am doing, getting them up for school, feeding them breakfast, attending parent/teacher conferences, and so on. She cannot do this from afar. She is going to be ticked (putting it mildly) when she finds out that I will NOT allow the kids to leave the state and that I am going to require her to do all that I do for a whole year before I even consider allowing the children to go back to her to live. On June 10th, I will have had these kids for 2 years.

This weekend, my daughter told me my SIL is having problems at work and is considering looking for employment elsewhere. He is looking for work in the town in which he lives, NOT near where his children live.

I found out that there are attorneys here where I live that just deal with grandparents who are raising their grandchildren. I would like to talk to one in the near future to determine what he/she thinks I should do. My attorney told me no overnights and since the parents both smoke, I am not considering it at all right now.
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Old 01-18-2013, 06:54 PM
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Raising grand kids

Hi, This is my first time responding to a question. We are raising 2 children. We got them as a baby and toddler. The baby was our grand daughter, and toddler her half sister. We adopted them. They both ended up being mentally ill from their birth mother, fetal alcohol syndrome, etc. They are both teenagers now and life has been quite a challenge. We could not have survived without the help and prayers of friends. You need a strong support system. Try to find support groups for raising your grand kids. Get all the help and support you can, it will make a big difference. We love the girls, but it has been a MAJOR. challenge. I just couldn't let them go into foster care and never see them again. Loretta
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Old 01-20-2013, 06:55 AM
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Loretta, bless your heart. Kids with fetal alcohol syndrome are very difficult to deal with. I have both my grandchildren in therapy. The youngest, my DGS, doesn't really need it. He does not remember ever living with his parents and he doesn't think of his parents as his parents. My DGD, the oldest, does remember everything and she remembers being removed by the state and watching her parents cry. She is the one who constantly is argumentative, cries, and so on. She loves her parents but loves us too. I struggle with battling with my attitude towards the parents who get to spoil and play with their children every time they are allowed to visit their children and they do not seem concerned about paying child support, holding down jobs, or finding a place to live. I have to find a way for the parents to see their children so that the children are mentally healthy. I want to be able to tell the children when they are grown that I did everything I could for their parents.

Yesterday, Mommie couldn't get here on time and wanted more time today to visit her kids. I told her that I could not allow her more than 6 hours, court ordered time with her kids. I have allowed it before, but when her son was having asthma problems, she did not give him asthma treatments. So, I cannot justify giving her the kids more time knowing she will not do what is in the kids' best interest.
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Old 01-20-2013, 07:22 AM
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Hi, We discovered that visits in person, or on the phone triggered asthma attacks because of the stress involved. I talked to the case worker and they cancelled the visits and calls for health reasons. The Mom wasn't saying anything bad, but it caused too much stress. The Mom hadn't shown up for any visits for 9 months, and these were her little ones. So very sad. We ended up adopting them, and we are Mom and Dad. They know of their birth Parents, but do not have contact with the Mom. We told them when they turn 18 and graduate from school we will help them find her if they want us to. That is stressful to me. When the oldest was in the third grade something happened, maybe the FAE, and she lost IQ, from 104 to 68. She started stumbling, developed severe memory problems, her handwriting went back to like a kindergardners, etc. the doctors don't know what happened. We think it was probably from the FAE. Her behavior worsened after that. She never really recuperated from that. Loretta
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Old 01-20-2013, 07:28 AM
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Wow. Our DGS hasn't been to the hospital for asthma since I got him from the state. I had to take him, while they were investigating the parents for neglect and they never knew that he was in my care more often than not. But, once in awhile, he has problems. The parents do not give him the care they need to give him when he is having problems. Since we went to court and we have legal custody, we no longer have a case worker. However, if I feel mom is using drugs when she is around the kids or if I feel she is neglecting them, I will call the state and ask them to test her for drugs.
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