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Just for Grandparents Here is a special place for all our proud grandparents to share their stories with us and other grandparents.

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  #41 (permalink)  
Old 05-17-2009, 09:05 AM
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This really is a no-brainer. My DD has a drug problem. SIL may have a drug problem. This is what I know for sure. DD verbally abuses her DD but telling her that she is bad, she just wants to be bad, she wants to behavior bad because she likes to get into trouble, and so on. However, when I say something to my DD about how she is talking to her DD and that it is inappropriate, she tells me, "Mom, you just don't know how bad she is." I don't care what a child does, she NEVER deserves to be treated that way.

Then, you look at the fact that DGD had to have surgery on her teeth when she was young because she was neglected. My DD wasn't using drugs as severely. DD tells everyone that the rotten teeth are genetic. People believe her because they see my DD's rotten teeth and my DGS's rotten teeth and think that it must be true. The truth is there is NO gene that makes people's teeth rot out.

DGD is SEVERELY developmentally delay because his mother sleeps all the time from the drug use. His teeth are rotten out. He has untreated asthma, allergies, and asthma.

CPS dropped the case on the first one because they said my DD passed all her drug tests (she was given up to 14 days to take them).

The answer to this question is that my DD won't defend what is in the best interest of her children because she really believes her children are not suffering because CPS told her neglect was unfounded. When one is on drugs, she will do anything for drugs. So, she is more concerned about the drugs than the kids.

I wrote my DD a letter that I am going to pop in the mail tomorrow. She tried to call me last night, which I did not answer because it was during my race and I never answer the phone during the race. I am sure that she wants something as that is the only reason she calls. After much thought, I have decided to remind my DD all the times I called and reminded her of appointments for her children so that she wouldn't get into trouble with CPS. If I REALLY wanted her children, I would have let her forget because I know she is so strung out that she would have forgotten and I would have gotten the children. But, I do not want to raise my GKs. I just want her to be a decent mother. B

Since I am being accused of so much and now I am being told I can only see my GKs supervised. I am fearful of what they will accuse me of next. They have told me over and over that the other grandma wants the kids. She is already providing a roof over their heads, food in their bellies, and probaly the wheels so SIL can get to work and DGD can get to school. Well, SHE can run my DDs errands too until my DD decides that I am a fit grandma and I have only been helpful. I do not think it is right to use the kids against me as it will not only hurt me, but it will hurt the kids too. I know that CPS is going to require her to take DGS to the speech therapist twice weekly as per instructions from the doctor. They are going to require her to do breathing treatments every 4 hours, and take his medication. She has no way to doing this without someone driving her. The other grandma has COPD, emphasema, and other health problems. Plus, she cannot afford to quit work so she is working 5 days a week, graveyard shifts. She will not be able to do everything for DD. CPS will be forced to take the kids once I stop helping and they always give them to a willing family member. I plan on calling CPS in the morning when the office opens to tell them that DD called and tells me she is out of medication for her DS and that I am worried that he will stop breathing. He is supposed to be going to speech therapy twice weekly. I found out they had their van reposed for not making the payments, so they have no way of getting him to the doctor in the event of an emergency. I think the less I do the better. I think I have been enabling in a way too.
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  #42 (permalink)  
Old 05-17-2009, 01:48 PM
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I think you are on the right track. You must protect yourself not only for you but so you can be there for the grandkids in the long run. One of my dd’s counselors once told me “it is not that your daughter does not love you but that she loves the drug more” Until she is clean you have to stop helping because it is enabling. She has to hit HER rock bottom not yours. This was so hard for me to understand and comply with
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  #43 (permalink)  
Old 05-17-2009, 03:18 PM
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Cau, I completely agree. There will be a point in which my DD will hit her bottom and CPS may remove the children. I need to be there for them when that happens.
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  #44 (permalink)  
Old 05-17-2009, 11:03 PM
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she has to hit rock bottom, or something has to change within her, continue to keep her in your prayers, as well as asking GOD to put up a protection wall for the gkids.
Ask GOD to bring in the right person that will change your dd, for sometimes us mom are to close to things or the child don't think we know what we are talking about and just not listen.

I have watched my own daughter changing in front of my eyes. It not a easy road where you are now Debora, and you want so much more for your dd and above all for the gkids.
but as we talked you got to step away totally and be the person your dd thinks you are and take a stand to stop enabling her. She has to get this other grandma to do it, or either not have it done. you tried, and it didn't work so don't do it.
I remember at Christmas when my dd stopped allowing me to see the gkids, it almost killed me... and I thought to myself what if this is the last Christmas for John. Would he ever see them, what will this do to the kids if he doesn't make it.
Praise GOD, it only lasted for a short time and we saw them again.. What I had to do was a change in me... and to keep dd in my prayers.
I had to allow her to take all the punches she wanted at me and keep my mouth shut and know she was acting out.. It almost torn me up in everyway.. but I kept praying GOD keep my mouth shut and let me stand this test.
When I did... something snapped in her. I didn't react I allow it to happen, and told her if you want me not to see the kids so be it.
Life will go on... that took her by surprize.

Now I can type GOD reached in our hearts and making it possible for us to have a wonderful realtionship and the girls loves it.

the day can happen for you too, until then My prayes are with you girl.
Hugs
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  #45 (permalink)  
Old 05-18-2009, 04:56 AM
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BarBar, thanks!

My DD tried calling 3 times this weekend, which usually means that she wants something. The first time was during my race and people know that I don't answer the phone during my race. She's called 2 more times since then. She finally left a message stating that her SIL, who is about 10 years old, told the kids something bad about Christmas. She wants to tell me about it and for me to call her. DH said she called him and told him that the little SIL called and told the GKs that there is no Santa and so on.

Anyway, I haven't talked to my DD yet as I am waiting until I am in the mood to be straightforward to her. When I feel the way that I do, I can be TOO straightforward and it can come across as ugly and mean. I don't want to be ugly and mean. I want to be open and honest and hopefully, get her attention. I did talk to CPS last night as I got the courage to talk to them. I finally talked to a man. I find it easier to talk to men. I explained that my DD called and wanted me to help her run errands to get medications for her DS. I told him that their van was reposed and that my DD has NO way to get medical treatment for her children and she has NO medication for her DS who is severe asthmatic. I told him that the DS is supposed to be going to the speech therapist twice weekly becuase he has severe receptive and expressive language impairment. I told him that I have the report that his doctor order. I was able to get a copy when I was taking him to speech therapy. I told him he got the asthma diagnosis back on Decmeber 31st when I was in the ER with him and his mother would not go up and be with him. I told him that I have been the one taking him to the doctor so I doubt that he has been seeing the doctor since. I added that my DD called the other day, which is the reason for this call, and needed my services to get medication because she has no vehicle and no medication. I told the CPS intake worker that the 3 year old is supposed to be on breathing treatments every 4 hours. When I had him there were several occaisons in which 1 breathing treatment was not enough to get him breathing properly and after giving one prior to going to the doctor, she had to give him another one. Added that my DD was verbally abusing my DGD, which I never mentioned before because, although it is against the law, it is something that impossible to prove.

I am sure that if the case worker in the case asks my DD if she is taking him to speech therapy twice weekly or giving him meds, DD will know I talked to them, but at this point, I don't care. I told the intake worker that I just don't want to get that call that the DGS is dead from an asthma attack. He's had several at my house crying and begging me to help me because he could not breathe. So, CPS now at least knows that this child could stop breathing and if they cannot get my DD to get him back on his medications, they might remove him. They might look at his medical records and find out just how medically ill he is and how serious this is. Then again, they may not since the last case worker never talked to the school, his doctor, or any other experts in the GKs case. So, it is highly possible they'll drop the ball again.

That is another reason for me to keep my distance.
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  #46 (permalink)  
Old 05-20-2009, 08:36 AM
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Continuing to pray for you all
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  #47 (permalink)  
Old 05-20-2009, 09:10 AM
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Thanks and much appreciated. I really need it. I am keeping my distance and allowing them to make whatever mistakes they will make while CPS is investigating them. If CPS drops the case, I will let them know that they do know about the breathing problems associated with the asthma and if he dies from an asthma attack, I will personally hold them responsible since they know the mother has a history of not taking care of medical problems when the maternal grandmother isn't tending to them and CPS isn't making her. Since she has no insurance and no Medicaid, she is not going to be able to get DGSs teeth fixed. Some of the medication that he is on is expensive, so I doubt they will be able to meet his medical needs. I try not to think about it, but it is difficult when you love your grandchildren so much.
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  #48 (permalink)  
Old 05-20-2009, 11:26 AM
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I am feeling your pain. I remember constantly telling myself the only way I could help her was to let go and stay away. The things she accused me of were unbelievable and once even threatened to kill me. For some reason I was the bad guy and dh was the good one. It did cause problems between dh and myself. I finally told him to choose as I could not keep living that way. He chose me and we started going to FA meetings.

Once she finally committed herself we supported her 100% as long as she stayed clean.
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  #49 (permalink)  
Old 05-20-2009, 07:18 PM
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Cau, what are FA meetings? It is good to know that these situations can have happy endings, not only for myself but for others that I interact with. I really appreciate the prayers, more than you know.
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  #50 (permalink)  
Old 05-20-2009, 07:48 PM
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DeBora, still praying and wishing you the best. Above all I praying for those babies...
I can relate to these feelings which you know,
but miracles can happen and these babies GOD loves and watching over them.. Even when we don't think they are being protected by thier parents. Problem is we know things can be better, we are dealing with the hurt that our kids created due to our grandbabies are involved. We want more..
We want it NOW, and that don't always work the way GOD does it.
Again all you can do which is the best thing is to pray for the babies, as well as for your dd to change... for the ones in her life to change.
know anytime you need to talk I got a ear to bend and arms to hug you.
hugs and prayers
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